I think tis is a great post it reminds us of why we are doing this!! What did I lose:
My sex life
My drive to be a good mom
My drive to work at the kids school
My ability to even remotly live in a clean house
All my money!!!
My self respect
And the list goes on and on. But no more!! It is so awesome to leave the house and not think hmmmm how long will I be gone do I have enough in my pocket to get me through the day???? Taking pills at Girls Scout camp on the sly pretending they were advil ugh.... So stupid We are so broke right now but its ok because we are broke and sober but I look at last months bank statement and I get pissed off we would be ok without work this month if I had PAID MY BILLS not THE DEALER DAMIT!!! I was smart to though I bought the Christmas presents early thank god so that will be fine!!
Good luck Everybody!!
l
This whole post is amazingly humbling & hysterical! Love reading through it!
tired_of_oxy, I'm the same way, a woman that does want her mojo back too! I loved my libido and it's just diminished over time. But now, I can't wait til I hook up again...I'm going to go out on the prowl once I feel better, I'm single, so, wth! LOL.
You can do this!!! I'm new to all this stuff, but on Day5 and feeling pretty d*mn good!
I'm going to keep an eye on your posting and stick with your plan to get off of these, you seem to be preparing yourself and getting your mind right.
Take care!
I think you're BOTH pretty cool! LOL! I love reading the optimism in these posts. Even though it's about what you've lost to addiction, what comes through loud and clear is that it can all be regained - and then some.
Tired_of_Oxy - you're doing this the right way. You've set a date, you've got a plan, and you're already going to meetings. I KNOW you'll make it!
Toby aka Lance Romance,
Omg you kill me!! " I ain't no dirty-bird" too funny, I haven't heard that expression since that Stephen King movie.. You know the one.. Yeah forgot to say my memory has gone, thank you for that too oxy :/
Sounds like you've been very blessed! How awesome to have a big family and grandkids too! You have a lot to be thankful for and so do I. My kids are everything to me and I'm determined to become a clean mommy for them.
Please do pester me!! I need a good kick in the *** too every now and then. Especially during detox when I know I'll be struggling with it all.
Congrats on your clean time and this tired of oxy chick thinks your pretty cool!!
.
Hey Dolls:
You know what? There WILL come a time where the oxy will do nothing for you. All that false energy will vanish. Your clean house will get dirty because you will end up with zero motivation to do anything. Everything you think the pills do for you will stop. I guarantee it.
Call that doctors office back and insist you be seen. If not go to the ER. Passing out isn't normal and you should be seen asap.
I'm sure other more experienced posters will be along soon to help but get on the phone and call that doctors office and see if they'll squeeze you in to see the doctor.
it has taken almost every free minute of my time since the age of 14 and put me under some sort of drug induced fog it has robed me of my youth my life raising kids intimacy with my wife and overall destroyed my life.....I am grateful to be clean and sober today......Gnarly
So far, what my Oxycodone has taken from me is Money, Self Respect, My love of life in general......it still give me my "get up and go" and it allows me to be able to do the things I love the most like working on dolls, keeping my house clean, and most important, taking care of my family. I cannot do the things I love most without the meds. I have never snorted them but have gone from taking just a couple a day to at least ten a day just to make it through my day without pain. My fear is falling down into despair with worry and fear that one day, no matter how many I do take, I will still have pain and still be unable to do the things I love. The whole reason for being prescribed pain meds is due to a very rare muscle condition on both hands that surgery cannot fix. They did operate on them once, but it only caused more problems and pain....so, surgery is out of the question. I am only 38 and in the matter of just a couple short years, I went from taking 2 Vicoden (5 mg) a day to taking 10 Percocet (7.5 mg) a day....and to be honest, even that is not really enough to get me through the day "pain free". When I began to notice I needed to take more and more of my Percocets, that was when the fear of addiction really kicked in and I began talking openly to my Doctor about my fear. After some consideration, we decided to try the weaning method, which for me, is not working. So, 8 days ago, I decided to go "cold turkey" but I am still sick and rather frustrated that I am still no better. I called the Doctors office yesterday after I passed out due to my heart beating over 125 bts per min. My normal is about 70 bts per min.....I also began having my panic attacks on a daily basis and had yet another one last night..which is why I am currently awake (just trying to calm myself back down). I feel that the Doctors office doesn't seem very concerned about my passing out episode but I sure am. I have had many panic attacks in my life but never once had I ever passed out while having one....so I feel that "cold turkey" just isn't going to work for me. As I sit here now I am sweating bullets, shaky, fuzzy headed, extreamly "physically" tired and have the runs.......so time is yet to begin to heal. I am mentally arguing with myself about calling the Doctors office again tomorrow and asking to have my physican call me personally since they were not able to get me in to see my Doctor until next Tuesday. I would feel a lot better if I were to hear from him that my passing out is normal but so far, everyone else I have talked to that has ever gone through w/d from any meds, has every passed out. I am just scared, frustrated and annoyed!
As for the Thomas Recipe, I am unable to take L-tyrosine due to my Tachycardia and am unable to get a script for anything like valium or xanax...so I an unable to try this. I can not drive either at this point for fear that I will have another panic attack while driving and pass out behind the wheel so any kind of guy sauna will also not work for me. I am so scared.............
Good tired_of_oxy chick! LOL!. I was scared you'd think I was some kind of jerk. lol! I am a jerk but that's besides the point!
One more word of misguided advice...you don't need the clonidine & xanax. If you want it.......and I don't just mean the mojo, sobriety etc............just bash the ***** in the head and gut it out for however long it takes. I may be wrong but I see or read of many people here taking valium during withdrawals as well. Maybe it's just me but I think there's something intrinsically wrong with that. I think, keyword: 'think' that our emotions during withdrawal...be they good or bad or both....are key to how we recover. I don't think we should mask our withdrawal feelings with sedatives. Then again...sex is a natural sedative/halluginowonderfulwow! once we regain that blessing from God.
I ain't no dirty-bird. I love my sweet wife and have been proudly monogomous my entire 3 decade marriage. 3 children, 2 boys and one girl along with four grandchildren as a result of the aforementioned offspring. I'm just saying that nature & time heal all wounds but I'm with you on the Thomas recipe (L-tyrosine & 5HTP) and the protein shakes. I'm gonna be pestering you come January! You can and WILL do this!
Hey, be true to yourself...you deserve that.
Lol,
That's ok, I can see where I might be mistaken for a guy..I'm fairly blunt sometimes and really how many chicks complain about losing thier mojo, lol.
Yep I'm sure when I take the plunge my mojo will come roaring back to life. And it's about time! I'm pretty pumped about getting clean but I know once those wds kick in I'll have plenty of those "wtf was I thinking doing this!!" that's when I hope I can count on you guys to talk me through. Me and wds have a bad history. They hit me VERY intensely. It's ridiculously bad but I guess it's the price I gotta pay for the years of drugging. Please please help me through it. God knows I can do it but man those minutes that seem like hours..not looking forward to it at all. Gonna hit up the doc for some clonidine and Xanax for the initial hell. Going shopping for Thomas recipe stuff and protien shake powder this wknd. Wanna have my little kit ready to rock n roll when January rolls around.
Whoops...Your not a DUDE tired_of_oxy but your are tired of oxy. Mighty Tired!!
My mistake lol! I suppose I should pay attention a bit more.
Hey, you know what I mean. Sorry....lol!
The help offer still stands.......
Lance Romance AKA Toby1863
Dude,
You've gotta' quit.
I don't know your whole story. I do know that we don't know what we've got till it's gone so don't let it go.
You mentioned music & mojo. Take my word for it.....just getting the mojo back is worth killing the addiction. It takes two to tango and I don't know who is happier...me OR my beautiful brown-eyed sexy wife. When I was using we just cuddled and she just wondered while Marvin Gaye crooned. Once the libido kicks back in things become much clearer and the hugs, the kisses, and the joy, or many joys, of lovemaking with the one you LOVE are so very precious that once you see what you were missing because of that oxy addiction there will be no going back. I'm not being harsh here....I know that I couldn't see when I was brain-dead.
Good luck Man....I hope I can help you when you're ready although I'm just pretty much a rookie in love and war but I'm winning the wars battles thus far and making up for lost love.
Toby "Lance Romance" 1863
:D great to hear Back2me, just a couple more weeks of this craziness and I'm done. I hope you guys can help me through it. I got no one in my world I can talk to. It ***** but all the more reason I'm going to need NA and this forum to help me when I'm at my weakest.
I just can't get over how fast the drugs took hold and sucked me dry. I didn't just hit rock bottom, I freefalled into it. This is it, I'm done with it. My pain is much more preferable then the pain of addiction. Jeez had I known when the doctor handed me my first script what I was getting into I would have said thanks but I'll take the pain instead. Ah well guess we all wish we could turn back the clock.
Reading the posts of people who have gained back their lives and then some is inspiring.
Yeah man. Music! It is back in a BIG WAY! as well as the sex drive. It ALL starts coming back slowly but after a week very noticeable already! It is good to feel again man it's worth it. Although I am having a ruff time for other reasons.
The new formula isn't here yet. I'm up north and no sign of them yet..though I'm sure they'll be here soon.
You also reminded me that I lost my mojo too. It's been over a month since I had it and truth be known, sadly it doesn't bother me like it should. I used to have a great sex life. Its been virtually non existent for so long that i dont remember what a good sex life is. And I know what you mean about music. But now I'm sure you throw on a tune and it does what it used to--it moves you and you can "feel" the music. God I miss that! I can't wait to play my favorite music and get lost in it like I used to. The list I wrote was just off the top of my head. Your right--what didn't oxy take..it took everything and I want it back dammit.
First off how in the HELL are you snorting OXY'S? The new formula has been in place for like 4 months now and there is no WAY anyone is snorting THAT stuff??
Just a strange question.
Anyway for me it's been
Money
My sex drive
My love of music
My love of playing te drums
My love for coaching youth sports
My love for excercizing
My love for walking my dogs
My love almost every single activity I used to enjoy.
Probably my house
Maybe my car
My motivation for ANYTHING except taking pills.
So that's probably half the list for me.
What didn't oxy take?
IT took away my ability to plan my future since I could only plan ahead for as long as I knew I had enough oxys to to prevent withdrawl from slamming my plans. My wife would want to go away and I'd hem & haw until the last minute until I was absolutely sure I'd have enough pills to see me through or I'd cancel her plans cause I knew I couldn't score.
IT took away my honesty. Lying to cover up and feed my addiction.
IT almost took away my marriage & my family.
IT most certainly took away my ambition.
IT finally took away my energy after tricking me with false adrenaline.
IT took away my mojo, my bippee, my libido and my interest in such.
IT took away my pride.
IT had to die and so I killed IT.
You have pretty much covered what drugs steal from us. I can add no more but loss of health and death. I can add what I have gained by getting off drugs..
Self respect. the respect of my family
Joy a zest for life.
My Health is better then it was.
Freedom of mind body and emotions
Good skin
Clear eyes
Healthy hair
Clean Body
Organization
A will to Live
The ability and drive to leave my home
I hear what others say
My memory
Empathy
Love
My absolute Favorite.. I'm no longer so self involved all else falls by the wayside.
I wish you well when you make thew jump.. lesa
Yeah I don't think the DOC matters much when it comes down to it. They all lead us down the same path to nowhere.
I know I really want this. I just hope when the time comes I can keep that strong resolve and not give in. I know I can do it but the mental part is what got me using again. I need NA this time. Am committed to doing lots and lots of meetings. I can't do it alone, found that out the hard way..
you just described my life other than snorting the pills and the oxys. my DOC was different. i had that little voice also telling me i would always be like that. then one day about 18 days ago something kicked in and i said to myself that this was enough. and i havent taken one since.
you have to finally decide you are done. and also na/aa meetings help wonders.