What to do?

[4adifferentlife]

As sone of you may know this about me, the severity of my habit, my secret. I'm on detox of day 2, and feel weak bust almost strong. I figured out I cannot do this alone so I have given my life back to God, if he cannot help there is no hope, I must sat I have run from him for so many years. But my question is do i tell my husband of all the money I have squandered away? This secret is tearing my heart apart.

[4adifferentlife]

Actually, I got out today went to see family took a small trip to a improvement store, came home done a few small things, no stomach issues yet, still somewhat of sweating but I thought of a moment with my dad today, a hug from him and I smiled. Honestly last month I didn't even want to go anywhere or do anything even when I was popping them like crazy, let me retract that all I wanted was to go get more.

[selfinduced]

Pills are a scary deal. First, in many cases they are prescribed by a Dr. we trust, second they do not have a smell or need to be taken in hiding for the most part and third they are deceiving. They start out giving us a euphoric boost, then turn terribly on us. Alcohol is the same in many ways. Bottom line is now that we know better, we have to do better. I promise you that after one week your head will clear snuff for you to think....What was I thinking! This is all part of the recovery. How are you feeling now?

[4adifferentlife]

No intentions, and I'm trying. Funny for the last year I've had thoughts come to mind, just me maybe no one else is as strange as I am, but something I've told myself for tge last bit is.. I don't need alcohol to function (I don't drink), i don't need cocaine or heroin (never done it, seen it once, and I'm old, sorta), I don't use meth (never seen or tried), so why would I need a pill? that I went without for more years than not, the road vie been on has been a disaster, it has taken me further than I wanted and I've staid way too long.

[selfinduced]

Listen, You get it and that is what matters. You have your health, your family, Your soul. You are determined and motivated. This addiction only gets worse and won't let up till there is nothing left. Good news is, detoxing will be over soon, then you work on the mental end of this. Don't get overwhelmed. One step at a time. Please, Please though, don't take another pill. I have faith in you. Keep posting.

[4adifferentlife]

That was the wake up, losing what I had and feeling and maybe even loving the pills more than my family. Seeing bank statements come in and physically getting ill, wondering how to rob Peter to pay Paul, I can't handle this, but feeling secure as long as I had 25 hidden in my purse, knowing I had 25 for today $200.00 a day habit wondering how I was gonna pay &200.00 tomorrow or the next day. I couldn't, I can't and God help me I won't.

[selfinduced]

Hey diff, I say give it the 24hr rule on whether to tell or not. See how you feel tomorrow. Husband and money whoa's aren't going anywhere right?  Going to give you one more piece of advice a member here once told me when I said, I still had my family, friends, home etc. He said, your consequences are minimal now, let this be incentive to quit before the damage is way worse and irreparable. Something about that statement sunk in. You are very fortunate, all you need to do now is lose these nasty pills. You will do it!

[4adifferentlife]

I know this is my call, sometimes it's easier to see what someone else would do, our situations are different, but are all way too the same. Last night and today have been trying to say the least. Someone I loved dearly took his life, alcoholism mixed with anti depressants (something I really have no experience with) Thank God! For that because I have am addictive personality and throw compulsive tendencies in there and that's a mixture for disaster.
Something about myself personal, that I have told this much to people with no names or faces. I never needed pain killers for physical pain, I simply liked the way they made me feel, but recently that good feeling went away even taking my usual 3-4 at a time. I had a really great life before I discovered what ever color of monster I could get ahold of, I had money (not rich but cimfortable), a nice home, a nice vechicle, great husband and child. What more do people work for other than an American dream, that I had, my home, car and family so thankful they are here, nut the guilt I keep harping on is there too. Thank You all do much for listening, great new friends

[Pat1956100]

I told all of my family about my addiction but I haven't told anyone about the amount of money that I spent on drugs.  I haven't even told myself that yet.  i don't want to add it up or figure it out.  It's done, there is nothing I can do about it now but pay the bills when I can.
Don't beat yourself up.  Many of us have done it.
None of us can tell  you whether or not to tell your husband but he may eventually find out anyway.  I agree with self that you may want to wait until you feel stronger.  You are going through enough right now.
Stay strong

[selfinduced]

My vote is to tell him then. The money issue will surface at sometime and better to have his support at this critical time, then the possible anger later. This may also help you stay the path knowing that he now knows. Sending you hugs and much support.

[4adifferentlife]

Yes I do have a great husband, but shame and fear are holding me back.. Thank You, for your prayer, I need it!

[selfinduced]

My heart goes out to you. Is your husband supportive of you in general? It sounds like this is eating you up. They say our secrets keep us sick and I hade to believe that on some level, however if your guy is not going to understand and make things tougher, you may want to wait till you feel stronger to have this talk. Getting close with God is an excellent idea. Pray, pray pray. He will lift you and get you thru. I'm saying a prayer right now for you. xx