Aa
What's the first thing you do when you sign on? What is your intent for answering members posts?
When you first sign onto the forum what do you look at first. For me it depends. If I'm having a particular problem, and posted about it I probably go the forum and look for responses, advice or support hoping to find it. Someone is always there to post no matter if what you post about is important or just a general post. Thanks Worried and Confused, I don't think I ever posted a single post without supportive comments from you two...even when the post wasn't about anything that needed support.lol you guys were there with it.Your both incredible and selfless ladies.
Second I go to check my comments to see if anyone that I told I would help needs any support from me. After answering them, I go to the forum. I look for posts that are from others in need of help first. Cravings, not making it, relapsed. This is what this forum is about or maybe I'm wrong. If it is very busy I scroll and look for anyone I might be able to have advise for and the folks that have no responses or 1 or 2 and answer them to support and bump them to the top. I post on everyones milestones and take on more newbies than I can handle sometime...spending alot on the PM side.
I am only writing this to help others and tell you guys to please listen and try to systemize your forum so that it does not hurt people coming here for help. I know that weekends are slow and I know that alot of people who would have been there for me were not on. I wrote that I relapsed after 2 1/2 months and was having wd again today. It is soo hard for a person to write that post. Relapse=suffering and sometimes death and needs support. Thanks to Mike, worried, K_R-I-S-T-I-N-A and addict for your responces and I know all of you that would have posted and helped me but weren't on and I thank you as well. As for all of the others that were posting thoughout the day some of whom I posted to even if it was late at
night and I needed sleep all I can say is that unless you have something personally against me you might want to try to prioritze what your purpose for being on the forum is. I am the third person in the last week and a half who has written this. Excuses aren't fixing the problem. I was not going to post about my relapse bc I was afraid of feeling bad bc I knew I would feel more let down than helped. There were other important posts on as well as mine but others that you would have to be in my shoes to understand...joking back and fourth on a post right above mine and now there is a freekin weather report that has 8 responses in 1 hour. I'm done with this forum and will continue batteling my addiction through NA. I would like to leave the forum a better place by my experirnce and really recommend that those who aren't here to help but to socialize....Go to the social forum. Help the people who are on this side with good advise and support. I wish you all well in your battle with this devil disease. Peace out, Corey
Second I go to check my comments to see if anyone that I told I would help needs any support from me. After answering them, I go to the forum. I look for posts that are from others in need of help first. Cravings, not making it, relapsed. This is what this forum is about or maybe I'm wrong. If it is very busy I scroll and look for anyone I might be able to have advise for and the folks that have no responses or 1 or 2 and answer them to support and bump them to the top. I post on everyones milestones and take on more newbies than I can handle sometime...spending alot on the PM side.
I am only writing this to help others and tell you guys to please listen and try to systemize your forum so that it does not hurt people coming here for help. I know that weekends are slow and I know that alot of people who would have been there for me were not on. I wrote that I relapsed after 2 1/2 months and was having wd again today. It is soo hard for a person to write that post. Relapse=suffering and sometimes death and needs support. Thanks to Mike, worried, K_R-I-S-T-I-N-A and addict for your responces and I know all of you that would have posted and helped me but weren't on and I thank you as well. As for all of the others that were posting thoughout the day some of whom I posted to even if it was late at
night and I needed sleep all I can say is that unless you have something personally against me you might want to try to prioritze what your purpose for being on the forum is. I am the third person in the last week and a half who has written this. Excuses aren't fixing the problem. I was not going to post about my relapse bc I was afraid of feeling bad bc I knew I would feel more let down than helped. There were other important posts on as well as mine but others that you would have to be in my shoes to understand...joking back and fourth on a post right above mine and now there is a freekin weather report that has 8 responses in 1 hour. I'm done with this forum and will continue batteling my addiction through NA. I would like to leave the forum a better place by my experirnce and really recommend that those who aren't here to help but to socialize....Go to the social forum. Help the people who are on this side with good advise and support. I wish you all well in your battle with this devil disease. Peace out, Corey
I hope you the best!
I know you'll miss this. i would for sure!
don't let anything get in the way of you coming back at any time!
Support comes in many different ways.
Knowing that other people can see you as a human being with faults is one!
Blessings & Best Wishes!
shatrdKY
I know you'll miss this. i would for sure!
don't let anything get in the way of you coming back at any time!
Support comes in many different ways.
Knowing that other people can see you as a human being with faults is one!
Blessings & Best Wishes!
shatrdKY
I would love to talk, I am Trying to get help and I need a friend and sounds like you do also.
I too think you're very smart and articulate. I enjoy your posts and input. It's refreshing to read. I also understand your frustration in what and when people chose to post on. The other evening someone very late was having a horrible time and was posting for the first time here looking for help and some answers as well as support. I was doing what I could, and noticed there were some of our members here up late. It was already 11:30p.m. and I get up at 5a.m. for work and had to get to bed because as you know, it will be 12 before sleep comes..but I digress..I asked the other forum members to help and kick in and sure enough, a couple late nighters did. It was wonderful. I went to bed, got up and checked in on that person as I said I would and seen that the others had stuck by them through the evening. It felt very good to see our little comunity come together. That's why I'm here, that's why I stay. Even when I get upset, or feelings hurt, or bent out of shape. The rewards so out weigh the negative. It's hard to keep my mouth shut, but try I do. Digressing again...My frustration was this, there was one person who was up and posting right along, who, by the way has been a very important part of this group and is getting tons of support right now and has given tons of support in the past, kept posting all around this person but did not lend any to them...I was very upset and wanted to call them out on it. All I kept thinking was, come on now, we need you to step up here. But they didn't. I had to let it go. I didn't say a word. I chose not to and was glad I didn't. I would have said something I couldn't take back. Reality being, they truly have helped a ton. Not all are going to get it (the help they need). I am guilty of this as well. Guilty as charged. I have past right by HELP ME posts onto others...not right or good..but have. Will make a concious effort to do so since the other night. *thought of this before your post here. A result of my frustration.
I want to say this though about the weather post...I was part of that thread, and if I remember correctly it started out as the weather being a 'trigger' for this peson...that applies to the forum doesn't it?
I too would hate to see you go, I would miss your insight and advice. I think you'd miss this too. It seems to have helped you in some fashion or level of recovery.
Please reconsider,
Newgirl
I want to say this though about the weather post...I was part of that thread, and if I remember correctly it started out as the weather being a 'trigger' for this peson...that applies to the forum doesn't it?
I too would hate to see you go, I would miss your insight and advice. I think you'd miss this too. It seems to have helped you in some fashion or level of recovery.
Please reconsider,
Newgirl
Hi To All, I am so sorry for all of the drama. I can only say that this relapse has hit me hard...third in 3 months and I just can't keep doing this. I have always appriciated all of the support that I got here weather it was 1 response of 20. Much of my post was due to my new failure and wds. Victor hit the nail on the head. I do have too high of expectations of people and am always setting myself up for a let down. I also over extend myself and try to help more than is healthy for me at this point in my recovery...Thus enhancing the feeling of let down. I see that my post was titled badly and was actually written withalot of pain and hesitation but all and all I'm glad I wrote it and sorry for the part that made others feel bad bc it is probably a bad thing to try to come on here all of the time and answer everyones post. These are unrealistic expectations that I set on myself and probaby have more to do with my relapses that I know. I went to my second NA meeting today. Fell like **** but went and will keep going. I will be OK. I need to stay off of the forum so much bc I need to deal with what's going on with me right now. I am not well enough to give the help I've been trying to give. Sorry to all of the new folks that I let down but this is reality and we do relapse. Please just get back up. Much love to all. I will check in from time to time and update. I think everyone of you are tremendous and deserve nothing but the best for the help you give from the heart. Going back to bed to probably not sleep...You know the drill. at 60 hours. Love Corey
Corey,
Hi there. It’s enemy. You used to think I was emmey (your grand-daughter’s name.)
Why do you feel the way that you do? You’re obviously loved here and have had intelligent input for a lot of people.
Do you feel that the some people here do not meet your level of mentality & understanding?
Can’t you see that everyone here is individual, all filled with different emotions & comfortable in their own skin?
Don’t put stains on our fellow members for their decisions.
You are asking us to systemize our forum so that it can help others? I cannot think of one person that did not feel supported on this forum including yourself.
People aren’t able to be on here 24/7. This isn’t a job for us. It is a passion.
You wonder what people do when they first log on here. I noticed the so called “weather report”. But what you don’t know is that the person that wrote that has been a member here for a year just short of one month. I recognized her screen name and know of the battles she’s had in her past, so read her post, but didn’t respond. She has been a helpful member to so many of us too. So maybe the title didn’t seem appropriate for this forum in your eyes, but do you even know her? Doubtful because of your feelings.
So maybe I look both at titles and at the screen name that wrote it. I don’t just respond to people I know. That can be easily verified. But I try to only comment if I feel I can help or have the comforting words needed to be heard.
As for the joking, so what if a post turns into people making other people smile? If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
I have to tell you though, I saw your post last night. I didn’t read it all. I noticed it was long and I was ready for bed. I thought you were just wondering what people do when they first long on. So am I condemned for that? I didn’t know that you were writing to criticize what we do here until I received a note from someone saying that they were sad that you chose to leave us. I was like, HUH? So I searched for a title that might lead me to your farewell post. Guess what? Didn’t find one.
I know that this forum isn’t for everyone, and that not everyone accepts diversity. I sincerely hope that you find what you’re looking for w/NA and other future therapeutic junctions to help you stay on track.
Regards,
Pamela
Hi there. It’s enemy. You used to think I was emmey (your grand-daughter’s name.)
Why do you feel the way that you do? You’re obviously loved here and have had intelligent input for a lot of people.
Do you feel that the some people here do not meet your level of mentality & understanding?
Can’t you see that everyone here is individual, all filled with different emotions & comfortable in their own skin?
Don’t put stains on our fellow members for their decisions.
You are asking us to systemize our forum so that it can help others? I cannot think of one person that did not feel supported on this forum including yourself.
People aren’t able to be on here 24/7. This isn’t a job for us. It is a passion.
You wonder what people do when they first log on here. I noticed the so called “weather report”. But what you don’t know is that the person that wrote that has been a member here for a year just short of one month. I recognized her screen name and know of the battles she’s had in her past, so read her post, but didn’t respond. She has been a helpful member to so many of us too. So maybe the title didn’t seem appropriate for this forum in your eyes, but do you even know her? Doubtful because of your feelings.
So maybe I look both at titles and at the screen name that wrote it. I don’t just respond to people I know. That can be easily verified. But I try to only comment if I feel I can help or have the comforting words needed to be heard.
As for the joking, so what if a post turns into people making other people smile? If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
I have to tell you though, I saw your post last night. I didn’t read it all. I noticed it was long and I was ready for bed. I thought you were just wondering what people do when they first long on. So am I condemned for that? I didn’t know that you were writing to criticize what we do here until I received a note from someone saying that they were sad that you chose to leave us. I was like, HUH? So I searched for a title that might lead me to your farewell post. Guess what? Didn’t find one.
I know that this forum isn’t for everyone, and that not everyone accepts diversity. I sincerely hope that you find what you’re looking for w/NA and other future therapeutic junctions to help you stay on track.
Regards,
Pamela
Corey, I wish that I could had offered some support in your time of need. How-ever, the reality is, is that I only have so much to give to others. I might had been feeling as if i was in a fog, maybe depressed or anxious, just plain tired, space-trucking or what-ever, but what-ever the case I can only give to others when when I have something to give and in the right mental place to give it.
I sure would like to be a more giving person, also more personable and flexible and what-ever else that might aid others, but again, I only can give when I have it to give.
So please don't take it personal, but perhaps this is about expectations of others. Again, I wish I could be a better person, but I can only do/give the best I know how and am able to in that moment.
I can never be more than that. Never. It's been a constant learning experience for me to re-define my expectations of others too.
I've learned that only I can fix myself regarding my neediness for support and understanding from others as it was always a set-up for disappointment and anger for me. When I didn't get what I wanted, my anger would become a cover for my my feelings of being unworthy.
It certainly does feel good and often helpful when others can be there for me (perhaps a gift from G-d), but I've also learned that it can be a gift from G-d when I can see that my expectations of others is often unreasonable and just a set-up for me for being unhappy and frustrated. It's been an old habit of mine of expecting others to give to me that which I must learn to ultimately get on my own.
Perhaps I've got this all wrong but this is where I'm at today with this topic. I'm really glad you brought it up as I feel that its a really important topic for discussion, thanks Corey!
Again, just my opinion based on my prior experiences,
-Vic
I sure would like to be a more giving person, also more personable and flexible and what-ever else that might aid others, but again, I only can give when I have it to give.
So please don't take it personal, but perhaps this is about expectations of others. Again, I wish I could be a better person, but I can only do/give the best I know how and am able to in that moment.
I can never be more than that. Never. It's been a constant learning experience for me to re-define my expectations of others too.
I've learned that only I can fix myself regarding my neediness for support and understanding from others as it was always a set-up for disappointment and anger for me. When I didn't get what I wanted, my anger would become a cover for my my feelings of being unworthy.
It certainly does feel good and often helpful when others can be there for me (perhaps a gift from G-d), but I've also learned that it can be a gift from G-d when I can see that my expectations of others is often unreasonable and just a set-up for me for being unhappy and frustrated. It's been an old habit of mine of expecting others to give to me that which I must learn to ultimately get on my own.
Perhaps I've got this all wrong but this is where I'm at today with this topic. I'm really glad you brought it up as I feel that its a really important topic for discussion, thanks Corey!
Again, just my opinion based on my prior experiences,
-Vic
Oh **** Corey, I am sooooo sorry. I honestly SAW your post yesterday and because of the title, I did not read it! OMG, I thought it was just saying that you had made an error in Worried's post so I did not take the time to read it. I am such an idiot! I am truly sorry!!! I have no idea why because I ALWAYS read your posts. I hope you don't hate me. I am sooooo very sorry.
Corey, I REALLY do not want you to go!! Thank you for recognizing me and thanking me. I really hope you may change your mind BUT I do understand your point! It is a great point. I wish you ALL the best and I KNOW that you can and will beat this! Much love to you and huge hugs. You surely will be missed.
To say that I will be sad if you leave the forum is putting it mildly. You were one of the first people to reply to me when I first joined and I've always noticed the TLC that you put into your posts and to your replies!!
I'm sorry that I didn't see your post yesterday, but I took a break with hubby and spent the majority of the day with him. Darn it I knew that I should've come back on here last night and at least scanned the post that had been made.
I'm begging you to reconsider your decision. I'm sorry that you feel hurt and betrayed but please give us another chance!!
Perhaps you could send me a PM and we could chat a little more in depth, but that's only if you feel like it.
I'm sorry that I didn't see your post yesterday, but I took a break with hubby and spent the majority of the day with him. Darn it I knew that I should've come back on here last night and at least scanned the post that had been made.
I'm begging you to reconsider your decision. I'm sorry that you feel hurt and betrayed but please give us another chance!!
Perhaps you could send me a PM and we could chat a little more in depth, but that's only if you feel like it.
Corey...I am sorry I missed your post I wasn't on yesterday during the day and I have mostly been on the social side. You have been a wonderful asset to this forum and I understand everything you said in your above post. Please read my PM I sent you!
JoAnn
JoAnn
corey, i am sorry i was not on much at all yesterday, so i missed your post. i am sorrier still that you relapsed after2.5 months. but you know you have to dust off and get back on track. girl, you are needed here please dont let one bad experience cloud the help and support usually recieved here. we love you here and NEED you.
I am pleading with you to stay on this forum. You have been such a great supportive person, and I know that this forum supports you.
I am not an addict, but a friend of one, who has been on here for over 5 months, initially for knowledge. Over the months, I began only posting supportive replies, and occasionally informative replies only if I knew the answer gained from absorbing the knowledge of others. I also reply to bring a question to the top, if there are only few replies, if I don't know the answer.
I was on here last night, and your post about a "bump" versus "relapse" I interpreted as a correction to your reply to worried about her question about how many people had come clean without any relapses or bumps. It was an honest mistake that perhaps others also interpreted your heading that way also.
I guess what I am saying is that I know for certain that all of the wonderful people on here, you included, would pounce on a relapse situation with tons of support. I think that you really know that also. Weekends are slow, you needed support, and felt it wasn't there. Others might have misinterpreted the heading.
If your post meant you are considering leaving this forum, please don't. You are needed here, and you need the forum. There is a lot of love for you here. Don't leave us.
Friend999
I am not an addict, but a friend of one, who has been on here for over 5 months, initially for knowledge. Over the months, I began only posting supportive replies, and occasionally informative replies only if I knew the answer gained from absorbing the knowledge of others. I also reply to bring a question to the top, if there are only few replies, if I don't know the answer.
I was on here last night, and your post about a "bump" versus "relapse" I interpreted as a correction to your reply to worried about her question about how many people had come clean without any relapses or bumps. It was an honest mistake that perhaps others also interpreted your heading that way also.
I guess what I am saying is that I know for certain that all of the wonderful people on here, you included, would pounce on a relapse situation with tons of support. I think that you really know that also. Weekends are slow, you needed support, and felt it wasn't there. Others might have misinterpreted the heading.
If your post meant you are considering leaving this forum, please don't. You are needed here, and you need the forum. There is a lot of love for you here. Don't leave us.
Friend999
I do know there are certqain posts/topics i avoid...and if i feel i can be of no help as i know nothing about the topic i may not post if others are..but if i see a post with no response i will post on it...i dont post too often on the topics like: "if i do cocaine,, how long for my urine to be clean" often....and for some reason i dont post much on a few other topics and it could be to do with values and such....thanks for thanking us for support...i love to help and i really do try...i am glad u r doing better! (:
I am so sad to read this post, and am sorry to see that you may be leaving. However, the most important aspect of your life is your sobriety, and you need to do what is absolutely best for you. You are always selfless in your many postings, a wealth of information and a tremendous asset to this site.
I am forutunate to have had the opportunity to know you here. You truly make a tremendous contribution and I am really sorry it was not reciprical during your time of need.
I am sorry you are having such a struggle right now, but am thrilled you made it to a meeting. I know the al-anon for me, and NA for my daughter has been a true life saver. I pray you will stay strong, and wish for you complete happiness and love. You deserve nothing less. Sincerely, Jeanette
PS best of luck on your new job!!!
I am forutunate to have had the opportunity to know you here. You truly make a tremendous contribution and I am really sorry it was not reciprical during your time of need.
I am sorry you are having such a struggle right now, but am thrilled you made it to a meeting. I know the al-anon for me, and NA for my daughter has been a true life saver. I pray you will stay strong, and wish for you complete happiness and love. You deserve nothing less. Sincerely, Jeanette
PS best of luck on your new job!!!
I wrote and re-wrote on how sad I feel that you are leaving us and that some of us didn't provide the support you needed, but i couldn't find the words to justify that I was one of those people that did not read your original post to see that you were going through some tough times.
You've been there for me and I'm feel bad/ashamed that i was to selfish not to return your kind thoughts and support. I've seen you so gung-ho about helping everyone else and it saddens me to see that you've been dissapointed in your dark hours.
I won't speak for any else, but i am sincere with my words and thoughts. I hope you change your mind about this forum and it's members. You are a great asset and don't let jerks like me run you off.
You've been there for me and I'm feel bad/ashamed that i was to selfish not to return your kind thoughts and support. I've seen you so gung-ho about helping everyone else and it saddens me to see that you've been dissapointed in your dark hours.
I won't speak for any else, but i am sincere with my words and thoughts. I hope you change your mind about this forum and it's members. You are a great asset and don't let jerks like me run you off.
I too wish I saw your post....I am so sorry..not that this is terribly important..but the weather post was actually her wanting a few questions answered about suboxone..which she didn't get..but probably because of the title..I don't know..like you said..there are so many people and I too take on alot..I try to do everything I can..I used to comment on everything but I try and stick to what I personally know about..and will bump something up if it has gone unanswered..I am hearing you loud and clear..You have been a great asset here and I hate to see you go ..is it the majority that do this? or a handful? I have been disappointed too, but on the whole..I can't justify letting those few drive me away..I have had too many wonderful people around me such as yourself..hopefully you will reconsider..in any event..take care and I wish nothing but the best for you..Lisa
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