Where can I find the strength in the beginning?

[Jenny9906]

I took my last pill this morning. It's been 2 days since I've had any Vicodin, and the last pill I took was an oxycontin. I feel like crap. I'm alone, well not completely...my young kids are here and I NEED to take care of them, which I have been doing, but definitely not in the parent-of-the-year sort of way that I always strive for. Physically, my body hurts so bad, and I'm so extremely weak. I have zero motivation. Mentally, I feel guilty, sad, and all of that other negative stuff. Plus I have god awful anxiety. Where have you guys and gals found the strength to push on and do something productive to work through the early withdrawal stages? Any ideas, and motivation are welcomed! :)

[Novics4me]

Hey Jenny,

I am 6 days sober. I went through detox hell as well and I also have little kids. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and when you get there it will be so worth it. Today I had an amazing day, my energy was back and I just loved every minute of it. I am following the Thomas recipe and if you can try and get the stuff on the list. It really work especially the L-Tyrosine with b6. Good luck and you can do this!

[hlpplse]

Hi Honey, my heart goes out to you. Trust me this will get better day by day and will pass. Do you have someone in the area that can come over and help you with the kids or can your husband take a few days off of work? You are at the peak and it will pass. Withdrawals get worse each time so lets make this the last time you have to ever go through this. Every minute, hour, day is one that you will never go through again because you will stay clean. Post when you need help, to vent, inspiration whatever you need..you are not going through this alone. Im praying for you tonight and for your continued success. You can do this Sister!!!!

[danielle_nicole]

I have almost 6 months clean, after 8 years of heroin use.  In the beginning it is absolutely terrible, but it will get better. & even though it seems like it will never end, this too shall pass.  If you can start going to AA/NA meetings & talk about how you're feeling, everyone their can relate.  Look into your babies eyes when you feel weakest.  Make a list of all the extra things you will be able to afford.  Write down & really examine how powerless you have really become & then imagine how different your life will look.  Pray, or if you don't pray, do whatever it is that you do.  Because it takes a ridiculously strong person to do what you are doing.  Also, with the sleep thing, go to like GNC & get melatonin & valirium root.  They are all natural & help immensely. Also Tylenol will help with some of the aches, as well as stretching.  & just keep reminding yourself that it will be over & you will be happy you did this.

[danielle_nicole]

I have almost 6 months clean, after 8 years of heroin use.  In the beginning it is absolutely terrible, but it will get better. & even though it seems like it will never end, this too shall pass.  If you can start going to AA/NA meetings & talk about how you're feeling, everyone their can relate.  Look into your babies eyes when you feel weakest.  Make a list of all the extra things you will be able to afford.  Write down & really examine how powerless you have really become & then imagine how different your life will look.  Pray, or if you don't pray, do whatever it is that you do.  Because it takes a ridiculously strong person to do what you are doing.  Also, with the sleep thing, go to like GNC & get melatonin & valirium root.  They are all natural & help immensely. Also Tylenol will help with some of the aches, as well as stretching.  & just keep reminding yourself that it will be over & you will be happy you did this.

[Kandinsky]

Hey jenny, hope everything's going ok, I know how you feel. But I was on about 10 10mg hydrocodone ,1 to 2 40 mg oxys,  about 2-5 somas a day, mind it if I made more money at work that week( commission job) it was significantly more that that, with fentanyl suckers/ patches, the 100mcg, oxymorphone, roxys, ect.  But I got on suboxone,and that helped with the withdrawls better than anything and it's not methadone. My thing is that when I got on suboxone, I started school again, working, dating, ect. I had my life back. A lot of people argue that you are switching one to another, but really if it makes your life better I say go for it., and there's a difference btw being psyichally addicted and dependent to a drug and taking something like suboxone where your not waking up in the morning searching, fiening, hurting. Personally I don't see anything wrong with taking something like suboxone for the rest of your life, if it has a positive effect on it, and a lot of the addiction specialist doctors I've seen have said the same thing. What I've noticed is that over the past 2 years of taking it, I've slowly cut down on my own, because of doing things I love to do again, ect. from 2 8mg strips a day to a quater a day and I still feel great, mentally, physically and spiritually.  Unfortunately a lot of people use it as a crutch to keep using. And use then when they run out, grab the suboxone for withdraws, then go back. But in some states doctors prescribe it for depression, and to be honest with ya, for me it has helped like an antidepressant.  But I was on suboxone for two weeks at first to get off dope then tapered off, it was hard to let go of the grasp I had on pills. But it sounds like to me you've finally come to the end and made your mind up to not use, that's great. For me having a support system helped for sure, but definitely deleted old friends numbers and dealers.  But A few months later I started to pop a few pills every once in a while again, so I got back on suboxone. Now I've been on it for about 2 years and haven't felt better. My life has changed significantly, no pills or anything, now its my choice to stay on it or get off of it, my brain is F'd regardless and will probably need to be on an antidepressant or something the rest of my life. Anyways there's lots of government help for suboxone(money wise) if you don't have insurance and the website has coupons and help as well. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask. My friends and I all have experience getting off of pills/ heroin and with suboxone and vivitrol, don't  hesitate to ask. One more thing, a lot of  people bash suboxone on the forums but it affects everyone's body differently, so do your own case work on it and see. Like i say by the GRACE OF GOD my life has meaning now. Oh one more thing, I was on that crap for a good 6 years and then decided I was done and got on suboxone. What I love the most is LIFE and atribute that to the suboxone. Give me a shout if you have any questions or need any help.  Mtvs True life just aired a prescription drug show today at 2 pm tx time called " I'm Addicted to pills" and they talk about how suboxone has helped them, one of the ladies on there specifically talks about how she's able to take care of her kids now and how she's missed doing that, but check It out  if you can. Also I know the post didn't ask for my opinion on it but I wanted to just share my story in hopes that it will help someone else. Mahalo nui loa, Joe

[VICourageous]

Oh!! So sorry..I hated the Anxious and the Weak stage. Just try to push your self and do some walking and then go and relax..I would go back and forth. This will pass but I found the weak stage was the last. I think I would rather be weak then have the Anxiety..ekkkkk You will be fine..Make sure you are drinking Lots of water and taking good Vit/Min and maybe some Protein powder and Electrolyte powders. It takes awhile for the Vit/Min to kick in..Hang Tight you are doing good..
Bless

[Jenny9906]

Thank you....I'm definitely having a tough time right now. I can't even look at my kids without crying right now. They are such angels....and I feel like I have let them down by being on the pills in first place. Now I'm sick and can't function, when I should be spending quality time with them. My heart is broken right now. :(

[IBKleen]

Each time you detox it gets worse and worse. I don't want to see you go through this again so keep going forward. You CAN do this!!!!

[Jenny9906]

Thank you so much for your support.  I'm such a mess right now....I just did a FaceTime video chat with my husband and broke down completely...crying and sobbing it was awful. I feel like I can't move, but my body is restless, I can't get comfortable, so I cry. It's been non-stop movies for the kids, because I seriously can't function. This isn't my first time going through this (completely lame I know) but I haven't gone through it in a long time, and it's like you forget what it's like, how bad it is, you just remember that it's bad. I want to get off the couch...I really do, but it's like I can't....I'm not strong enough, my body is so weak :(

[katmandu516]

Dear Jenny, I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same boat as you are. I had the same exact symptoms. I felt like I was jumping out of my skin. I was taking oxi's/trams and vicodin all at the same time for about 3 years straight. I cried and cried and wanted to die, it was so unbearable. But I am here to tell you now, that it WILL get better. People say the Thomas recipe works, but I couldn't get out of the house to get the ingredients. Going out? No way. Wasn't able at that point. So I just started eating bananas, doing the Epsom salt baths that were a godsend. But for the first couple of weeks, it was hard, I have to be honest. You have to really want to get clean and ride it out. BUT you will see, day by day it gets better and better. You can do this.  If I can do it, you sure can. Be strong. Don't quit. I wish you the best Jenny. And if you need to talk to me anytime, I am here for you. God Bless....PS...And cut ALL your sources!! That's the mistake I made, and relapsed because I had an active RX at the Pharmacy. I was in so much pain, I went and got it filled. Only took it for a week, then flushed them. And had to go through some w/d's all over again. So if you have any open sources where you can get any pills, cut them out of your life. Hang in there...it gets better!!

[Jenny9906]

Hlpplse - congrats on 42 days...I'm so jealous of you! I'm trying now to clock watch...but it's so hard when I just want the day to be over! (Why? So I can be miserable and get no sleep whatsoever)????? I've been eating bananas...I'll have to pick up some emergen C when I feel like I can actually leave the house. :) I've been getting in the jacuzzi....it helps while I'm in it...but within 5 mins of getting out, I feel miserable again.

Brandiroars- thank you for the support. Right now I'm pretty useless :( I don't know why it is so hard for me to push through and actually do something.  I hate being like this. I can deal with a lot of it, but what really makes me completely useless is the restless body feeling, anxiety, and the crying. I just feel like screaming :(

[brandiroars386]

"mommy of the year" will come later when you are a better mommy because you are sober.  Think about all the wonderful things you can and will do with your kids now.  Maybe have a dance party, exercise, bake cookies, do Christmas crafts..anything that you can think of to take your mind off of what you are going through at the moment.  You can do this, it's difficult right now, but it's the best gift you can give to yourself and your children!

[hlpplse]

Only by the Grace of God do I have 42 days, I know it ***** in the beginning and is really hard, but it gets so much better. Don't worry about not being the Mom of the year right now...You are giving your children the best gift you can give them a clean and sober Mom who is mentally present. You can do this, try to distract yourself and not clock watch. Are you taking Emergen C ? It really helps and Bananas. Just look at it like Mommy has the Flu right now and this will get better. What about Imodium and Epson salt baths? You can do this you are in the thick of it now, just hold on it will get better. One day at a time Praying for you XXOO

[Jenny9906]

Thanks for that! You're so right...an hour feels like 5 hours. It's a nightmare. I had a really bad night...I couldn't sleep, my whole body had a god awful restless feeling, my back hurt....I got in the jacuzzi twice, helped for 5 mins then back to the misery. I ended up breaking down and taking an Ativan...which I had left over for a few months now. I didn't want to do that, but I was at wits end. I feel terrible this morning, I'm dreading the kids waking up...I feel so week and terrible right now :( I don't know how I'm gonna make it through :(

[mommymarieme]

Hey honey well dont stare at the ceiling all day! Lmbo! Just kidding in the beginning that is what i wanted to do too! But we cant we have to get moving ! I won't lie it was so hard to make myself do anything but i did and it helped so much in those early days because an hour felt like 5 hours lol it will get better just stay positive and push yourself.  :) we are proud of you! Be proud of youself sweetie you are doing something amazing right now! Getting your life back! :)

[Jenny9906]

Thank you for your reply :) I will try my best to stay positive. You're right, every day I just take care of the kids and not much else, I should still be proud that I stayed clean. Dancing with the kids is such a great idea.  I will aim to do that if I have a period of normalcy tomorrow. God, I feel completely wiped out just getting up to change my daughters diaper.  I HATE this.  I seriously feel like I could just lay down and stare at the ceiling all day. Thanks again for your support, it means so much :)

[mommymarieme]

Dancing parties with the kids! Lol music helped me so much to get moving and also put me a postive mood in the beginning and it still helps me everyday. You just have to push thru honey i know it is hard. In the beginning ariley told me fake it til u make it. Everyday i told myself think positive and be proud of being clean because if all i did was take care of my kids and i was clean i was proud of that! Everyday will get better you can and you are doing this!  :)