Why cant I just stop!

[Ken]

I am getting so fed up with myself. This **** has such a hold on me that I want to just give in and say I am a junkie and will always be one. I blew it again! Eight days clean and I had to cop some pills. Now Ive been taking them for three days And know that I am gonna feel awful again.Its like Lays potato chips , you cant eat just one , I feel like a fool to keep going back on this **** when I have been through the hard part of detoxing off of them. I know I should go in to an inpatient program, but I dont want my family and friends to know that I am hooked on drugs again. They think I am doing so good since I have gotten  off the alcohol and cocaine, now to tell my parents that I am a junkie would kill them. I just wish there was an easy way to keep myself away from these god awful drugs. I am starting again please pray for me and respond with your words of wisdom. Chad if your out there , tell me how brother. Ken

[Lynn to Neena]

This web site is like my own NA meeting. Needless to say, I ate almost every one of the pills I copped this morning, I had to save 2 for the morning. God forbid I didn't have my morning percs. Do you know I havent gone one single day in over 9 months without at least two pills in my system? And I'm not bragging about it. Wow, its exhausting being an addict, isnt it? So if I don't write for a while, don't worry about me. I'm in my own little pill world

[Lynn to Neena]

Yeah, I'm O.K. (Does anyone know how to start a new post so we don't have to scroll back to Sept?) I woke up this morning with one thought, who can I call to get percs? One call, 25 pills later, I consider this a good day. Lets see how long these will last, considering I take 4 to start and 2 at a time to keep it going, and I have to do this every day just to feel normal. Ginger, how I wish I could only take one pill, those days are over. Still addicted. Hopeless

[ginger to Tom]

yep.  I screwed up yesterday. then another thing happened that really convinced me I'm a sicko.  i got all upset because a pill box with a couple of vikes in it i normally keep in my purse was missing.  I turned my purse upside down looking for it and was in a bad mood until i found that i had put it in a different purse.  whew!  what a nut eh?  I took the one vike yesterday and was of course high as a kite but i didn't sleep well.  My abcess is getting better though.  funny, i should be feeling real guilty for using the vike yesterday but i don't.  i'm just thinkin, "oh, i needed it because i was in real pain so therefore it's ok."---yeah right, and i enjoyed every minute of the high too.  I'm sure i would have survived just taking advil too.  oh well.  thanks Sandi.  I'm here all day too.  I hope Lynn is OK.  Lynn, if you're reading this, honey, we're here for ya.  i like the opiates too and i don't mind saying it so write some stuff, Lynn!

[Sandi to "JB"]

Hi,
HOw are you? I just read your posting & I know EXACTLY how you feel..I am also an addict & I was clean for 6 days & relapsed back to the lorcet due to real pain....I  am hear everyday ifyou want to chat-just remember we have a disease & we are here to help each other in one way or another....
Sandi

[ginger to Tom]

lynn, you must be feeling terrible right now.  so do i.  i guess misery loves company and i'm certainly a hypocrite telling you this but please don't give up, honey.  i've screwed up today but i'm gunna go on.  believe it or not, you've helped me by what you just wrote.  i realized that i'm not the only one who feels hopeless.  it's the power of the drugs that make us do bad things.  it's not you!  I know I just showed up here a few days ago and you don't know me from Adam and maybe i don't know sh--about anything but i'm pulling for you.  don't stop writing even if you think you cant quit.  who cares?  i'll still be your friend, ok?  keep writing!  it has to help.  i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[ginger to Tom]

Well, too late.  I broke down and took the vike.  I can't wait for it to kick in and for this pain to stop.  I was sitting here crying and I finally said to myself, "why the hell are you letting yourself suffer this way??" No one wants to hear me complain and I don't have time to feel bad.  there's lots of work that needs to get done.  Therefore, I must self-medicate.  I've discovered that taking 1/2 a vike and a motrin along with it really does the job.  It doesn't sound like much but I'm not a very big person so it will be most effective.  Too bad I'm ruining 10 days without vike but that's the way it is.