Why cant I just stop!

[Ken]

I am getting so fed up with myself. This **** has such a hold on me that I want to just give in and say I am a junkie and will always be one. I blew it again! Eight days clean and I had to cop some pills. Now Ive been taking them for three days And know that I am gonna feel awful again.Its like Lays potato chips , you cant eat just one , I feel like a fool to keep going back on this **** when I have been through the hard part of detoxing off of them. I know I should go in to an inpatient program, but I dont want my family and friends to know that I am hooked on drugs again. They think I am doing so good since I have gotten  off the alcohol and cocaine, now to tell my parents that I am a junkie would kill them. I just wish there was an easy way to keep myself away from these god awful drugs. I am starting again please pray for me and respond with your words of wisdom. Chad if your out there , tell me how brother. Ken

[Lynn to Neena]

Amy, first you are not alone. Read my postings under xanax and you will see I unwillingly detoxed from xanax and running out of them was the best them that ever happened to me.  I never want to  go through that detox again.  Now the percs are another story.....I am exactly where you are; afraid to wake up without them on my dresser to get me going. I am so proud that I quit xanax but make myself sick that I cant quit percs.  No, make that  wont.  If my supply ran out and I unwillingly had to detox I'd have no choice now would I but my supply never runs out DAMN IT and I don't know how to say know when they call. But I am finding that they aren't giving me the energy they used to, either. I used to do my fall cleaning with 50 pills for the weekend but now I'm just eating out of habit, not to clean. I joined the gym so I could get a good cardio workout and not have to rely on zanax anymore to sleep, and its working.  If I could just give up these   percs I'd be so happy.  Oh god when will this cycle end?? See, you are not alone. Read about my xanax withdrawal. It was the worst thing I ever remember putting myself through.

[Amy to Bob]

I've been sitting here reading all these stories, and it all sounds very familiar except for one part. I'VE NEVER TRIED TO QUIT YET!! I've gone a few hours (5-8) without having any and have felt like i was dying then! What the hell will I feel like if i just wake up one morning and don't take any at all? OH MY GOD! I've been taking anywhere from 10-20 percs.,lortab 10/500 or norco and also take 2 80mg oxy's everyday! How in God's name will i ever be able to just STOP??? I'm afraid not only of the withdrawls, but I'm afraid of going into shock or worse! I've been addicted for almost 5 years now, but when i first started, i only used to take 4-5 perc's a day. Now I take 10 or more plus the oxy 2 80mg a day ( 1 80mg in the a.m. and 1 80mg in afternoon sometimes even 3 80 mgs a day!) How crazy is that?! I have a beautiful home, (very clean because i'm always frigg'n cleaning) and an awesome husband and son, so yea i realize it's not good for me and that's the reason i'm in here typing my ass off to all you guys and telling you that i don't want to take them anymore because i'm getting scared of liver damage and all that stuff.  So to put an end to this book i've written, sorry, I guess i'm saying thanks for being here. PLEASE WRITE BACK TO ME WITH ANY RESPONSE OR ANYTHING THAT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL SO "NOT ALONE",        SINCERELY, AMY

[Lynn to Neena]

Hi Ken, I was wondering if you ever made a clean break? I don't know how to post a new question i.e "Why can't I stop?" Can you do it for me so we don't have to scroll down the page so long. I've had insommnia for the past 3 nights from tapering off the percs (down to 2 in the morning) to completely stopping xanax! I knew you were doing really well, up to day 8, how'd it go from there?

[daiseyhfree]

I'm on day 18 of detox, & the demons are perched on my back.  I can feel their fire burning my skin, & they are buzzing in my ears.  Hell, the MENTAL part is why I started using in the first place.  I've been going to NA, just to remind myself it can be done.  I go to the mental health clinic monday.  I think I need some anti-psychosis meds.  Until then I am burning in the hell of my own mind.  Please, I just want to turn it off.  Yes the mental part will kick your ass.  Stick with Kicking & let's all stick together.  ***@****

[VINNIE TO ALL / READ THIS !!!!!!!!!]

11 days is great without a pill, Ken .... your not out of the woods yet my friend. has the mental part kicked in yet? well im here for you brother. dont loose your mind like i did. yeah here comes round #2 for me. i started my detox today. i do it slow, i get down to 5 pills a day then could turkey. right now im at 15 a day. tomorrow 12 and so on. so lets help each other, i know i need it.

[ken to ronnieg and angie]

round 2 thats all? dont worry about it. it took me 10 trys, but at least i didnt quit trying. now im on 11 days clean and never felt better. so dont give up, its not easy to quit, but its easy to give up. hang in there!