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Avatar universal

Why can't I stop

I haven't had one all day. I have 1 hydrocodone left. I got 5 tramadols to stop the withdrawals some. Not sure if it will work. I have tried quitting on my own for 5 years now. I got caught b/c all my money is gone and my boyfriend wanted to look at my bank account to see where it was going. Now my boyfriend knows how bad it is and he's making me stop. He is calling my dealers if he finds out I use again. I have two kids. It's not that I don't want to stop. I HATE THIS. I have tried stopping EVERY WEEK but the minute I get sick I get more to stop the pain.

I freak out just thinking about it. What if I am sick? What about my kids? What if I get depressed? What if I relapse..I have every other time I try to quit.

In need of a little faith b/c I feel like I am on the edge.
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Avatar universal
Hi-  I'm sure you're on the edge!  You're thinking too much!!   Forget about the what if's...
Think "what if it does"?   You need to be positive in your own head. It will never work if you dont want it to and that's where the problem is. You have to want and be willing to do whatever you have to,to be clean. I think you're probably there now. This is your rock bottom.

You need a plan and some support. Flush what you have left;it's not going to help you in the long run!  You want die from the detox but you won't. Who knows? We're all different and it might be just fine.

If I were going to do this over,I'd do some things differently . I would tell my doctor right away,my family if I knew they would help, my friends for the same reason.  I would involve as much support as I could. I would go and find a program or a meeting or a therapist right away instead of waiting for what? A relapse?

Any thing that you may feel physically has a suggestion for help. Just let us know...using substances tends to be all about some other thing than just taking pills everyday. That's the symptom but the problem lies somewhere else.

Don't let yourself get dehydrated. Get serious and you can do this! I did it and I was addicted for decades!

Let us know how we can help!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can only speak from personal experience but I recently had a 19 month run on painkillers, living in the same hell that you describe.  I always wanted to stop, but rationalized my use and always convinced myself it wasn't the "right time" to quit.  You are just lying to yourself.  It is the fear of withdrawing, and fear of coping with life with no pills that makes you keep using.  But those are just mental hurdles that will easily overcome and it really doesn't take that long into detox until they are behind you.  If you want to commit to a clean life without pills than its simply mind over matter.  The worst of the withdrawal symptoms only last a few days.  

I jumped off with no taper and personally think thats the best method.  I highly, highly recommend the Thomas recipe.  I was skeptical about how much effect some vitamins and over the counter remedies would actually help, but the difference is substantial from the times I previously tried to detox and failed.  Look it up in the health pages and following it closely.  I fully credit the Thomas recipe and this message board for getting to where I am now.  They are life-savers.

Good luck and keep coming here for support.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know I have my boyfriends support. He is a good guy. If I mess up again he is going to be telling my family and friends so they can all help me. I begged him not to yet. I really am ready to do this.

It's not worth all of the things that I am going to lose. Thank you for your suport on here. I would love as much advice as possible. It's helpful to know I am not the only one. So many of you guys have made it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
This might sound too simplistic but view it like you're going to be laid up with a bad case of the flu for a week. If you start tomorrow, put a big X on the calender for the following Tuesday as the day that most of your "flu" symptoms will be gone. There'll still be the mental games to play after that but for now, try and commit to just one week of being sick. It's one short week that'll pass quicker than you think and it's the first step in turning your life around.

Good luck and please keep on posting, there's a lot of good people here!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI first off you got to relize this is not going to be comfortable as I say to everyone starting out '''you just gto to be ok without being ok for a wile this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind attitude is everything it makes the difference between discomforort and truly suffering it is a choice you will make you have to relise that to get to the other sid itrequires some pain.....no pain no gain but it wil be worth it ands in a week you will feel better a small fragment of time considering the rest of your life there are some things you can do about it on the lower right of this screen is the thomas recipe pick up the stuff suggested also a cace of gatoraid for forcing the fluids a hot bath goes a long way in relieving the symptoms
stick with us here we want whats best for you.....you are not the first one scared of the unknown we can help you over the hump and get you on the way we all want to see you succeed so hang in there pull the plug on the pills and start your journey back to the living keep posting for supportand reading the other posts good luck and God bless......Gnarly    
Helpful - 0
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