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460591 tn?1207150799

Why do I lie?

When my g/f asks me about drugs, no matter what it is, I lie instantly. I think about it, and then tell her a few seconds later the truth. Tonight she asked me simply "Did you take adderall?"  I quickly responded with "No, if I took adderall I wouldn't be worrying about all of this studying. I would stay up all night and study." I then told her the truth a few moments later, that  I did take adderall to help study. She is worked up that I lied. I don't have an explanation as to why I lied. I just did it instinctively. My girlfriend is a girl who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, hasn't experimented. She has frowned upon ANY drug use in the past. She is doubting me being honest about being sober now. I wouldn't lie about that. I've been honest. I have been clean for 2+ weeks. The fact that she has doubts hurts me, a lot. I have no good explanations, I am stressing out, I am sad, I have a test tomorrow that I have barely studied for... Too much is happening at once. :[
14 Responses
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340590 tn?1290952141
darn it opi..that was hilarious...keep posting we need to laugh..
much love
cathy
Helpful - 0
390416 tn?1275185087
OPI...thanks again for the laugh...you have  such a way w/ words...the interogation room!!  LOL

All the people around us are in on our addiction..and when someone gets clean..it throws everything out of whack andeveryone else needs to adjust how they respond/react also...it's called the dance of addiction.....
lying causes distrust...so you need to earn that  trust back!

There is an acronym in recovery called  HOW...we need to be Honest Open,and Willing!!
THis is the path to a new life...like someone else said...take a few seconds to think about your answer befoe you speak....let the Honest thing be your response!!!
Helpful - 0
269143 tn?1310795352
opi
oh the lies.....so many lies...what's the truth anymore..my woman still looks at me funny when i say stuff...she then finds different ways to ask...lol...i've atually (****...food stuck under my c)....there we go.cccccccccc,,,,...i've caught myself saying "look me in the eyes and you will see no lies"...i then realize how stupid it sounds and smile then she really thinks i'm lying....my brain has trained itself to lie on a dime.....i have a lie before she finnishes the sentence......she knows this (now) so it is hard for both of us to break the cycle....i lie she says BS...i no longer need to lie but the the trust is broken so time will fix me and her...it is like living with a cop now...where have you been?...i went to get food...why did it take so long...there was a big lineup...we then go to the interogation room also known as the living room,,,then a few more questions a few more answers..and we eat the food......i figure by this time next year i'll be able to go get a pack of gum and have to answer to no one......this aint guna fix overnight...we brain fooked our women so we heal and they have to do the same.....i don't remember wth the comment was that i'm responding to...oh yeah....trust now needs to be earned...it's no longer a gimmie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
We all lie about our addiction to friends and loved ones. We try to pretend that no one knows whats going on, the nature of an addict!! Lost trust from a loved one takes time to recover. Stay clean and continue to be honest and it will work out just give it time!            Scott                                                                                                                                            
Helpful - 0
348629 tn?1212325673
this same thing happens with me and my gf i think its like sub concesonly or w.e. you know there gona b ticked but then once you lie you like mannn and then tell her and now there made at you for taking it and for lieing
Helpful - 0
306455 tn?1288862071
Sounds to me like your lie (this time) was a rapid response to being questioned. Like in your head you're saying "if you interogate me, I will lie".  And then you snap out of it.
Ask yourself, and be honest, weren't you a little agravated at being questioned, at least for a split second?  This could just be a long standing habit to being questioned. When you lie, Whats the common denominator? Do you only lie when questioned about drugs? Or do you lie to other questions?  How do you feel when you're questioned?  Sit back and think about it and you may realize why you do it and then maybe can stop.
Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
in my recovery, I have discovered that dishonesty is a character defect we all share; with its roots firmly planted in fear of some sort. It is always my first response to any situation.  With time, I have been able to relearn some honest behavior.  You are on the right track by copping to it right away; but don't expect a "normie" to understand as they aren't wired the same way we are.   I hope you are going to NA or some other 12 Step group, because you will hear alot of sharing on dishonesty/honesty, and how others work it out in order to stay clean.

remember, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.  it will get better!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I agree with all the above, when she ask you a question do not say the first thing that comes to mind, stop and think carefully before giving the answer, I believe lieing is habit forming it will be a matter of rewiring your brain. You might have to take a little guff from your girl for awhile but the more you are honest the trust will return. Congratulations on your recovery you are doing great. With honesty comes pride and self confidence and a closer relationship Limbo
Helpful - 0
454371 tn?1221297385
Sounds like the trust has been broken. I know all to well about that. And hun, the only thing that will fix that is time. And the fact that you have to stop lieing to her. everytime you do, you break down the trust even more. She will get to the point where she will question everything you say and do... Be honest with her if you want her to say around.. try taking your time and thinging about what to say, that why you don't just blurt out a lie.. I find taking your time gives you time to think it through..


  
Helpful - 0
460591 tn?1207150799
"Mike just breathe. I don't doubt your sobriety but you need to think about you actions babe. That's it. Like I do believe in you and I want to but if you just lie it would make it hard you know? And I know you are trying so hard and you are really doing a good job so just keep your head up and do what you've been doing because you're doing great."
That text made me cry. Not sad tears. Not tears of joy. I don't know why. Hearing that she knows how hard it is and that she sees me doing well means so much to me. I don't want her to doubt my sobriety. I don't know why I'm a mess tonight, but I am. Stressed out, I guess. Sorry guys.
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
if you are 2 weeks clean your emotions are all over the place.  so that will get better with just a little more time.  i understand your pain.  just try not to say anything except the truth so she knows you are telling her the truth.  we girls are just a little crazy sometimes lol
Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
I usually will lie if I am shamed of something...or to keep peace...lying is not good in realtionships in the long run at all...eats away at the core of the bond
Helpful - 0
460591 tn?1207150799
But I have been honest. The fact that I lied and then thought about what I said and told her...that isn't good enough for her. I don't want her doubting my sobriety. It hurts more than it should. I am crying, and for what? Who knows. I am an emotional roller coaster. She trusts that I am being honest about being sober, but the fact that she told me "You could be lying about anything" hurts a lot.
Helpful - 0
340590 tn?1290952141
i think it is the nature of an addict to lie.  maybe even an additional addiction we aquire because of our addiction.  i dont really know, but i told my share.  it is understanable she doesnt trust your word, she has no reason too.  you will have to learn to tell the truth just like you are learning to stay off drugs.  good luck to you
Helpful - 0
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