Why do painkillers enhance my joy of life and better my career?

[Sugarbeens]

I have been on this board off and on for about 3 years doctor, and this is the first time I have been able to finally post my very own question. I am 48 years old, female, and I am now divorced(4 years) after 21 years of marriage.  I started taking pain meds really full-time when I was 40, but, I have had severe back pain since I was 23 when I had my second fall. I raised 4 children and would never have used illegal drugs or drank(except for an occasional glass of wine), even though I had severe pain.  My children were my life and I do not believe in doing anything illegal.  I still don't.  However, I have been on first just vicodin and now I take 4 vics a day and 2 percocets a day.  I also take ativan when I have extreme anxiety.  I have stopped many times, but, my pain is great and also, I feel so much more comfortable and more joy than I ever did as a chiid.  As a child, I was the one hiding in the corner, never talking, and scared of my own shadow.  Now, I am confident and people love me.  Everyone wants me to speak at conferences and I do so much more for my clients than I ever did before.  Yes, I am mad sometimes that it takes meds to make my brain chemistry work, but, my question is this! Am I wrong to continue taking the meds when I need them not only for pain, but, for anxiety.   I havedoneso much more with my life since beginning these meds.  I take my meds as directed, and I am a therapist and feel because of my childhood experiences that I can help people.  My final question, is it OK to take the meds for both physical and emotional pain/feel joy?

[rodewc]

Whooo Baybee. Yea, I feel Great. The Thomas Recipe ROCCCKS:)) I absolutely have had the most incredible day. .... Day __ (scared to saY)

rw/c

[vettezr1]

Whew, I was just keeping my mouth shut I thought I did or said something wrong and didn

[rodewc]

Grace, Hope you are well. I was referring to myself, and only to myself... a female, an old female, who feels sorry for herself. Some days on the roller coaster when my emotions have meltdowns, it does feel like a pity party! No fun! Wahhh!

But, the post was addressed to vet who had asked me a Q. The response was a joke back at vet. (about emotional days)

The internet isn't a good medium to relay intent behind messages; next time I will use-->  :))))

Facial Expressions!

Sry @ the confusion.
rwc~

[Jerri2]

Hi Sweetie!I sent out to many e'mails today and it wouldnt let me send anymore!So I couldnt respond to yours!I'm ok I guess! Speaking of menapause I've been going through it for 5 + yrs!I dont know if my hot flashes are from it or wds!!Probably both!!!I'm back on day 4 or 5 I dont remember!I figure if I keep trying one of these times its going to work!!!Hope your doing good sweetie!!  Love ya Jerri

[lisabet]

Hey Grace - I don't think rodewc was refering to you when she mentioned the "pity party".  She and I had talked before about peri-menopausal "hell"..smile.  I believe she was probably referring to herself.  I totally understand your ups and downs concerning the pills. You sound like you're taking the first step and admitting you have a problem and want help...good for you!  That's a huge step all in itself. I would advise you to read all the posts on the forum; you'll find a lot of good advice and life experiences.  Also, you might want to check out the Thomas recipe for those who want to try the cold turkey method; it really helps!!!!  It's posted all over the forum; I think someone posted it on one of the top threads. Good luck to you and keep posting....Love, Lisabet

[grace521]

I don't know if my post was the "pity party" you were referring to.  If so I apologize. I thought this forum was a place where I could express my feelings and find some people in the same boat as me.  Seems like you think you're better than me and if female problems supercede whatever your drug problem is well too bad for you.  I hope all the people on this site are'nt like you- I'll try another thread- I wasn't looking for pity, just understanding and maybe some empathy

[rodewc]

nah, I'm ok. The 2 major probs (or mebbe they're solutions) (WTF knows?) Anyhoo, (in regards to the tears), the probs are:

1. female
2. W/Ds

and the pity party arrives every so often, ya know?

:) rwc~

[grace521]

It's crappy and raining here in PA.  I'm glad to have found this place.  I've been using painkillers for two years and after a back injury six months ago thing have gotten realy bad.  I tried cold turkey and made it 2 weeks but then it was time for my norco refill so I'm right back where I started.  I've also been getting fentanyl patches for my "pain". Instead of wearing them, me and my best friend figured out a way to abuse them to feel a buzz, since neithere of us feel anything but "normal" by taking pills.  I'm glad to know I'm not alone but I don't see any answers for me.  It's not possible for me to go to rehab, and I don't want to anyway.  I'm just so sick of pills being my life, controlling my life, never being happy even when I do have my pills 'cause I feel guilty and am worried about when I'll get more took my last norcos today and don't go to doc til june 4 unless I come up with some $$$ and go to another doctor.  The city I live in it's so easy to get them from a doctor- all you need is cash for a "lefitamte" script- cheaper than buying on the street.  These doctors here are no better than steet dealers- all you need is cash or good insurance. This is my first post & I hope I can find a way to end this madness

[vettezr1]

Crying? I hope everything is ok. It

[rodewc]

:) a sec ago I was crying, now laffing at yr words.. Happy hol 2.
rwc~

[vettezr1]

Thanks man I thought it was something to eat. Every Time I go to the West Coast they eat some weird stuff Tofu, Bean Sprouts. I thought greenage was something like that but thanks now I wont go into a store and ask for it that could have been bad.

[rodewc]

Greenage is Pot, marijuana

Many say it helps. I say UG.

happy holiday
rwc~

[vettezr1]

Hey Grappler just checking in, how have you been doing? Did you find or go to your doctor? As far as good links go to Google and type in Opiates and bodybuilding or Opiates and Testosterone release lots of stuff will pop up. One good link is Lifextension.org I was looking over some old posts and read yours again about the Ultram.
Funny thing a few of my buddies including me were given scripts for it, we all have it in our gig bags but nobody takes it we all think its sucks. It makes everyone feel weak and slows are reflexes every time someone

[grappler]

Hey,

The idea of you having a place to open up and tell what you feel I think is a good start to a new beginning.

I have posted and it seems that at least one person has heard and responded. I feel that with at least one response the person that originally posted gets a feeling of relief that they are not alone and that there are other people just like them or worse out there and that they are willing to help,share words of encouragement or relate to what you're talking about.  Keep posting and don't ever think that you can't because the human mind is a powerful thing and if it is really put to use it can accomplish a myriad of things.

Your fellow comment poster,

So Cal Grappler
Team Machine

[kittn]

I've been lurking for about 6 months. Can't tell all of you how much reading these posts everyday helps me get through the day. I, too, feel doomed to repeat the viscous cycle of hording pills, counting them when they get low, having to wait until I can get a refill. It makes me feel so dirty. I've been taking percocet, lortab-10 for about 1 1/2 years now - usually 10-12/day for legitimate back pain but I always end up abusing them. Then I have to answer to my husband, my mother and more importantly to myself. For the life of me I will never understand how some people can take it like it is prescribed and just let a whole bottle sit there in their medicine cabinet untouched. Why have I been cursed to live like this? Everytime I run out, I suffer from pain having to wait until I can get it filled. Then when I get a new RX, I tell myself "OK, I will take it correctly this time." And we all know what happens next. Of course, right now I am going through withdrawal and am very depressed and lethargic. I look at my beautiful baby's face and try to imagine what it would be like to be a healthy mother to her. Thanks for letting me share my story, more will come...

[Bunches]

I have to say right now I am really frightened.  I went thru detox 2 weeks ago and have fought intense anxiety ever since and have felt like the last two days I would not make it.  Well, I didn't.  I read this post yesterday and really started to relate, and feel like I'm not the more outgoing person I am while on Vicodin, yet it made me crash and that's what landed me in detox.  Tonight I succumbed and took 3 over the last several hours.  And once again I felt more like an "active human being" even though I know the end result is terrible.  Will I now have to go through withdrawals again?  Am I just doomed to repeat this?  I'm so disappointed with myself and disgusted, but realize how depressed I seem without the vic's, but it's a fruitless vicious cycle.  I don't know what I should do, of course telling anyone (friends that know, my dad, or therapist) scares me but also feels like something I should do.  I can't seem to save myself from me anymore....

thx for listening....I just had to write and say how much this topic really "hits home" for me and I relate...

[grappler]

Thanks,Vette I like the way you explained the pain killer "working out" concept.  Its real hard to find out any written information on this topic.  If you know any websites that relate to this please post.


Thanks,

So Cal Grappler

[grappler]

Thanks for the word of advice, I appreciate what you had to say and I will take the advice and use it.  I guess a pain management clinic might be in order.  And hopefully I can get the right type of medicine for my pain.  I'll make an appointment today.  What is the usual process there?  Do they check you out like a regular doctor or whats the deal. I take it you work out some also.  I also wanted to ask if vicoden is some type of muscle enhancer, because if I take it and work out it seems that my recovery time and my ability to build muscle is increased by a lot.  Can anyone elaborate?  I looked all over the internet for some type of article dealing with working out and opiates how they help your body recover so quickly.

Thanks,

SoCal Grappler

Team Machine

[vettezr1]

There is some interesting controversy on Opiates and Growth Hormone release or HGH.
Vicoden is a Pain Killer others can elaborate more its just a Narcotic but some new research on weight lifters and football players who abuse just about everything found a relationship with Opiate use and muscle mass. Its seems a stupid way to build muscle but hey whatever right. It could be that allowing one the ability to push beyond the pain threshold could be what causes the GH release and the extended or accelerated muscle repair. One word of caution; Grappler I power lift and did so while I was taking morphine I managed to injury myself (my spine) rather significantly because of the numbing effects of the morphine I was unable to feel the pain I was inflicting to myself. I mention this because I know you already have some damage as well. Now I have to live with the nerve damage I caused being an ******* so watch out. As far as the pain doc yes go to a pain management doc and tell them every ache and pain and let them decide what you need don

[grappler]

Right now I am contemplating on going back on prescription medication I thought that I could go with just over the counter stuff but I can't.  I need help.  How can I tell the doctor that I want to be on meds permanently. My story is on the Ultram/Ultracet thread FYI.  I have such a hard time going out and enjoying life because of this nagging back pain.  I went to the doctor and he gave me some Dolobid or something like that for the pain in my back,but that did'nt phase it for when I am up and about for extended periods of time. He has me bend over and walk on my toes and on my heels and I mean it does'nt hurt like a sharp pain so I have mobility but after standing for a while or sitting down for a while my back get real weak and I feel like it's real tired and worn down when I use to have the Ultram it would take the pain away but I was taking too much and if I take some type of narcotic I know for sure that I can manage it and only take my recommended dose but I know that I will be hooked sooner or later but it's not as bad as the Ultram.
Because I took some narcotics (vicodin) when I was released from the hospital for about 6 months and followed my prescription and it did help me.  So what do I tell the doc "I want narcotics" because he was contemplating that last time but he said, "I want to give you something for your pain, but I don't want you to be to sedated while your at work so we'll try this Dolobid" and that did'nt work. Well I know that I'll have to take something with a narcotic to feel like not scared to go out and do more stuff besides work out because it's weird because when I work out I my pain is blocked or something especially during aerobic activity and that's another thing when I was taking vicodin back then after about 5 months I started jogging and it seemed that it would hit me just as hard as it did the first time I ever took it with the same dose. Could it be that I sweated out the drug and purged my system by jogging? Or what? Well anyway I know you guys will write back to me like no tommorrow and give some good responses that will help me out.  If you're not familiar with my story I will post it again on this thread right under this one.

Thanks,

All of you

SoCal Grappler

[dienikad]

Hey GMAN,

I was in the very some boat as you -- never built up a tolerance. Never was able to take too many at a time(Tylenol is a killer -with hydros) Anyway -- I landed on the hard **** -- havent build a tolerance --

I am hypersensitive to narcotics I think?
Have you ever had an operation? Or anestesia?

_Pete

[vettezr1]

Hey I was wondering what you were up to. Dude you have to level with the doctor and if you don

[grappler]

I am a world class athlete (wresler/ultimate fighter. If anyone has seen the HBO special "The Smashing Machine" that is almost my exact story just that I was led to dependence by an accident. I was in a serious accident I ruptured some discs and had some fractures in my spine and had some nerve damage that extended into my stomach and made my stomach very sensitive to the touch and that almost took my life and was forced into retirement and my "olympic" and "fighting" career was put on hold or held off indefinetley. Well, anyway I was given many medicines including a large number of opiates for back and nerve damage and pain that was incurred from my accident. I must admit that I had withdrawl symptoms from Morphine when I was discharged from the hospital but overcame them in a few days. Seven later I went to see a doctor and he perscribed me some Ultram or as generic is known "Tramadol" it took some time to get used to,because at first its not a pain reliever it feels like a sedative or something weird that gave me headaches, but once I used it long enough it did ease the pain and ease the symptoms especially the ones I have the most trouble with which are the damage to a nerve that extends to my stomach, in fact one of my stomach muscles was collapsed which looked kind of deformed for about a year. The problems started when I started to run out of the perscription before it was time for a refill and this happend time and time again I felt extremely dependent I never felt like this even with the vicodine or whatever else I took. I have a tremendous amount of will and I told myself I am getting off of this **** no matter what. It was so tough but I did it and the withdrawls continued for two-weeks I have never encountered anything so mentally and physically challenging and difficult to beat. I'll tell you I have fasted for a couple of days no food no water while still training like a madman to get down to weight for competitions and I competed in Russia, Bulgaria, Crotia, Cuba  and I thought that was mentally and physically challenging for the normal human. Over the course of my two-week withdrawl I developed sores in my mouth like blisters probably because of the fever and chills I got, but man, I thought,"this is heavy duty" I can't believe how rough this is it was something that I thought that probably was going to be able to beat or overcome because how overwhelming the symptoms were. I would not advise the use of this medicine to anyone and the doctor said "don't worry about it it's not a narcotic medicine." Well it might not be narcotic but it sure has some "allout" more than narcotic effects. I have since stopped taking it and am now taking some other medicine that does'nt totally take my pain away(ibuprophen) but I don't care I will probably have to live with it for the rest of my life it's nagging but tolerable. I can still workout and strengthen my muscle tissue and train hard but not to where I'll injure myself it seems that it helps with the pain. I still take some vicodin every once in a while but only when I can't stand it. Also, if there is someone with a similar problem with nerve damage that extends to their stomach and still bothers them please, please email me with any suggestions on treatment. I invite anyone or any other person with a similar story to email me. But to recap please Say No To ULTRAM!

[passenby]

I gave you the info you ask for just in case you didn't see it I am still waiting for your oppion just scroll up a little and by the way no stadol last night. Day 9 and it's the best day yet.