Because a Active Addict cares about nothing but his own desires oblivious to the people he hurts along the way You are wittiness to a person that is shut off and only focused on what brings them pleasure. You are very lucky you had enough Pride to walkway because you will not win in a situation where a person is devoid of respect loyalty.There loyalty is to themselves only. Take good care of yourself.. lesa
I am very proud of you for walking away and claiming back your life. That is very hard to do. It is very common for a loved one of an addict to feel the way you do. We are so consumed with our addiction we forget about those who love us. Our addiction is first and foremost. As Lesa said, dont beat yourself up too long. You sound like a very intelligent person and one who deserves to love and be loved. I hope your ex gets the help he needs but this is about you. As for the sex.....it becomes non existant and turning to porno is pretty common. That also has nothing to do with you. I wish you the best and please keep in touch with us. We always like updates! Be kind to yourself~ sara
Hi, like the others said, I'm so impressed that you left. Thank God you did. He kicked you? Oh hell no. Never EVER put up with that. And that isn't necessarily a detox thing, that's him.
It wouldn't hurt for you to check out alanon. You are still blaming yourself in your thinking that he chose drugs over you. (there is no "choice" drugs beat everything.) Alanon will give you some clarity and teach how to separate yourself from the addict. It will also help you figure out WHY you chose such an unhealthy partner. It will also help with your obsession in trying figuring this out. You are driving yourself crazy and you don't need to.
I wish you the best of luck moving forward. And wish only happy and healthy choices for you.
Detoxing and putting your hands on a woman aren't in any way related. I went through withdrawals too many times to remember and never once had the urge to put my hands on my wife. That's an upbringing or personality type thing not related to drugs. I'm so glad you left. The violent stuff just usually gets worse not matter what you do.
When we are in active addiction we will never choose the ones that love us. It doesnt matter what you look like or anything. The drugs are our main focus. There was nothing you could of done or said that would of changed his mind. Only we the addicts can do that. As for the physical abuse? Oh hell no. Noone deserves that. He has to deal with his demons so dont let him rent anymore space in that head of yours. You focus on you and getting better. Check out alanon. They have been or are going thru the same thing you are. Keep posting to us as we do care~
Happy Birthday!!! You did give yourself the best present, taking back your life. It is no life being with an active addict. Now you can surround yourself with happy healthy people. When you least expect it someone will walk into your life and sweep you off your feet!!
Wow - you have no idea how important it is that you left! A person who let's you know so clearly that their needs come first - and your needs are irrelevant - is giving you advance warning of what will be your life with him. My ex husband warned me before we were married that he was a jerk. He showed it too. But I was in love and just knew I could prevent problems with my love!!!!!!!
Oye - 27 years later, he tried to kill me after I said - stop the abuse or I will leave. I called the police and he was put in jail for the weekend - and we never lived together again. I should have listened to him! He gave me all the evidence I needed early on.
It doesn't mean there aren't good things about these abusive people. Of course there are. That's why you miss those good things. But trust me - there are other men out there without self centered or violent traits. As long as you really love yourself and believe you deserve to be treated well - you'll find a great guy. Happy Birthday! (Belated)
Yes he knows he screwed up but the drugs keep us numb to our feelings. I am a firm believer in the theory that if it was meant to be it would of been. Once you get thru your self esteem issues you will look back at this as a learning experience. I look back at my past relationships/marriages and i dont hate on that other person anymore. Those past experiences have given me life lessons and i take what i want from each experience. I have been clean about 91/2 yrs and am in a very great marriage with a man who i just adore and him me. This one is based on trust, honesty, a ton of laughter and a ton of love. He understands addiction and calls me out when i want to ride the pity train. He is my biggest supporter and my harshest critic, all what i need.
Do you take any vitamins/supplements? Am not sure where you live but during the winter months and the rest of the year vitamins can really help our mood. Our days here in Minnesota are shorter now with not alot of sun exposure. Vitamin D is good along with Vitamin B's. Check into something like too. We recommend those for people coming off drugs but they would help you too.
Keep working on yourself. You sound like such a great person!
It wasnt a waste of time. The heartache is tough but the things you are and will learn about yourself will be well worth it. Gaining knowledge about addiction is also a good thing. There is such a stigma attached to it and the more people understand the better off the world will be.
Now for the bad news here....At some point you need to break all ties with him. He is still renting space in your head and using the dog as bait. We are masters at manipulation. Mental and physical abuse is a b!tch to overcome but you will get there. I know time seems to stand still when we go thru this but each day you are getting stronger. Sit down and write out all your good qualities. Keep that sheet of paper out and add to that list as time goes. I know it sounds corny but it does help.( I had to stand in front of the mirror and smile at myself)
I am really glad you have stuck around here. I look forward to your updates~
It is very hard to face the ones we care about and to add in sex is extra hard to do. Paying other women for sex doesnt surprise me. We have no emotional attachment to them and it doesnt matter how we perform. Our insecurities come into play big time and that affects our performance and that may lead to confrontation, something we run like hell from. I am not making excuses for him, i am just speaking from how i operated. Please dont let him become any more of an obsession than he already is. He isnt even close to wanting to get his life in order and he sees that you are. He will prey on your weakness right now just to feed his needs, not yours. He may even promise you the world, that he will change etc. Dont fall for any of that. Right now he will drain you of everything and i mean everything. Have you checked out Alanon at all?
Hi, I am so glad you are going to meetings. Alleviating your obsession w/ this dude is going to take time. They say that addicts are addicted to drugs and alanon people are addicted to the addict. You have an addiction too, of sorts, go easy on yourself.
I hope this isn't out of line but as an extreme and fanatical dog lover, I hope there is a way you can keep the dog away from him. We wouldn't want a child to be alone w/ severely using addict, why is a dog okay? This guy is in no position to be in responsible for anything. Not to mention, your interactions w/ him keep your obsession alive. I would talk to some of your alanon members too for more support.
You are doing great. It takes time:)
How are you doing? I agree with jifmoc about the dog. Hopefully you will get something figured out with that.
Enjoy your trip!!! How long will you be gone? Make sure to take lots of pics!! I will be enjoying the sub zero temps of Minnesota! lol How old is the dog? Is the ex taking her when you travel?
Just enjoy your vacation and quit worrying about him. Until he quits using, gets into some sort of aftercare, works his aftercare every relationship will end in disaster. When we are actively using we use anyone or anything to get what we need. At some point you will feel bad for any girl who crosses paths with him. At some point you are going to have to completely cut ties with him. The dog is your "excuse" right now. Time to take some action on that.
I'm dealing with high cholesterol so enjoy eating for me please!!!
Misike, This guy put his hands on you. This can't be blamed on opiates. People that do that sort of stuff don't change. Any woman who dates him long enough is going experience it. You are so so so much better off away from him that I just can't emphasize it enough. You're way way way to good for this dude. You're way to good for any man that would even consider putting their hands on you.
I have to agree with sarah, find another solution for the dog. You need to be permanently away from this guy.
Go on your trip and have fun. Relationships that don't work out aren't wasted time. Each one is a learning experience. You learn and grow and become more mature with each until you get to a point where you're ready to meet the right person
You will never be alone here my friend. We just want you to know and feel how really special you are. Keep enjoying the vacation and food!!!!