Much respect to you my friend!!!!
I too went cold turkey from suboxone on January 1st, 2014. I was taking 24mg a day for 7 years. I understand EVERYTHING you wrote above. It took me about 1 month to even leave the house. My stomach was **** for months afterwards....I dropped about 10lbs during the process b/c NOTHING stayed in me. I was crawling out of my skin. I met the beast at night, when I couldn't sleep and everyone else WAS asleep. I called it "dancing with the devil"...almost like he wouldn't let me go without a fight! But I did fight him, and didn't give and pushed through him.
I believe that if w/d is soft, and doesn't hurt, it's hard to remember it. So when the urge comes back, AND IT ALWAYS DOES, you can remember where you were at one point. I punched holes in my walls, screamed at myself in the mirror, really thought I was losing my mind and for awhile afterwards, I was afraid I was going to stay like that. But I didn't! We do get better!
Rehab is for some people, but not all. I chose NOT to go to rehab b/c I didn't have the $$. I was paying cash for my "doctor" visit and CASH for the prescription which came out to about $1600 a month. This is why I had no money!
NOT trying to push the issue, but I felt like a wet noodle for quite awhile. It wouldn't be a bad idea if you looked into some type of recovery program now that your on the other side. I found this to be TOTALLY NECESSARY for me to learn how to NOT get myself into this situation again! I also met some really cool people as well. It helped my brain feel better......not kidding!
Good luck to you and keep posting....I love hearing about others getting off this ****** drug!
You sound so angry.What is it that you are looking for w/ your post?
I was on SSRI (Prozac) long term and I got off it, but it wasn't fun or pretty. I had brain zaps and walked around in a fog for weeks. No sleep, ever. But that was 15 years ago; I'm okay now.
I, too, was on one kind of antidepressant or another for over 12 years. I chose to get off of them 6 years ago. It was a rough ride and took probably 6 months before I began to feel better. I also found there is very little research out there regarding the long term affects of being on an antidepressant. I have 5 sisters....2 of them had also been on an AD med for many years and chose to get off of them about the same time I did. We were great support for one another.
Not all rehabs are like that. I went to a year long rehab completely NON medical. It saved my life. Life's not been perfect since but I had a good 6 years sober- even though I messed up I still feel like I got tools I needed there - I absolutely could not have done what I'm doing now before I went there. After doing hard opiates from age 14-22 I needed a year of reprogramming so to speak. I can honestly say that if I hadn't went I would most likely be dead by now. Just saying - they aren't all bad.
But yes I do agree suboxone is handed out too readily and in too large a quality. I know!
But the big book and the Man in it give me hope, grace, strength, healing, victory and peace when everything else is going wrong. Not condemnation like too much of the world and like too many ppl. See religion. The rehab i went to was faith based so If I didn't add this I would be giving credit to the wrong thing. Though I also believe we sometimes need a safe place to heal as well...js...my personal experience.
you can get therapy thats confidential. The first thing I asked them is "I don't want this to affect me being able to own guns, how does your privacy work?" after he assured me they dont report to law inless I outrught threaten violence I talked about my addiction. Therapy really, really helps and I used to be total anti therapy, anti rehab anti everything guy. I told myself "I can do this alone" i considered myself a proud tough guy. Your only making it harder, tougher and less healthy without some kind of therapy. some kind of recovery therapy is a must I believe now and I still consider myself a proud tough guy. Your fighting an enemy, your fighting a war. Youre in a war where even the "cure" and the doctors can be part of the enemy. Find a confidential recovery therapy person tell them your concerns about retaining your right to own gun and still going to therapy and DO IT. don't think about it. why would you choose not to use the best weapon in your arsenal to win the war?? go to therapy buddy. learn how your brain works. They have learned alot about addition YOU need to know to fight without taking all these "cures". look into vivitrol/naltrexone. I decided to try it. you dont get high off it. it works different. It blocks your receptors.