Will Life Ever Be Happy Again?

[georgiagirl5]

Hello, since October I have been taking about 5 10/325 Norcos a couple of times a week, not every day, but it is progressing.  I just feel so sad because I do have depression and anxiety and I feel so, so much better psychologically on the Norcos.  I feel like that if I stop taking them life will not be fun anymore, there will be nothing to look forward to.  I feel that they bring my life into "colors" when every day life is just normal black and white.  Anyway, is there anyone else that has felt this?  It is kind of hard to explain.  I am just scared that if I stop everything will just be boring.  I know about the dangers of addiction...my aunt (not blood related) died of basically a Percocet overdose.  Anyone who may know what I am going through please let me know.  Thanks!  (PS I do not drink alcohol and have not in over 8 years because of being on psych meds.)

[bama88]

Hi...Im bama.. An eight year addict. I first started taking a pill here and there during a traumatic crisis. I liked the way they mellowed me out. Gave me energy. I felt like superwoman. I was working hospice at the time and taking care of my husband who had a headon collision. I would clean shop bounce around like tigger all.day in the beginning. I loved buzzing around like a busy little bee. Lol. I could cope with the stress of kids better. Be a better wife. And i loved the high i got off a couple of loratabs/norcos/percesets...whatever my husband was willing to share with me. I was working three jobs then. Hospice...running my husband around to doctors pt etc..and waitressed on the weekends. I had a garden..decorated our house we rented. I was a clean freak..changed furniture around alot to change it up. I was active in church coaching kids swim team etc...i loved the energy and euphoric  feeling.

I never ever thought addiction would happen to me. I was not gonna let that happen. I felt like if the monkey got on my back id put him to work too lol...slowly over time the pills changed the way i felt. First id only have to take a couple...that turned into 4 8 10 12 etc. And i would feel toxic on some days. But id give my body a rest for a few days than go back to a couple then more and more...well life happens and i fell off a ladder and got seriously hurt... And then i got my own script. Whoo hoo. This is three years in or so... Well i started really abusing. For a different reason. I wanted to.escape the pain of my husbands wreck. I was working like a dog to keep money flowing in. Until the ladder. I just kept one job. And then found my current job...

I had to have surgeries on my wrists and scopes on my knees. I now jade insurance and the sky was the limit for pills. I talked a very reputable doctor into sending me to pain management. When we hurt we will do Anything for pills to numb up.from the pain depression etc. I played up my pain. At the height of my loratabs addiction i was pooling 20 a day. I had four doctors writing scripts...i pulled that stunt off for over a year lol. I dress super professional i always do anyways for work so when doctors saw me they never ever considered me an addict. And when they saw my employer and job title..they assumed no way could i work and be an addict. Lol. I had the game down big time...so off.i went to pain management. I didn't know a thing about pm. I thought they'd just keep writing me loratabs/norcos etc.

Rhetorically first time i met my pm.doctor he gave me 4 choices..morphine oxycontin  the fentanal patch or methadone. Addicted brain went ding ding ding jackpot!!! I told him no morphine.. I stop breathing or bottom out. That's true..no patches people die.. And deffininantly no methadone..Im not a heroin addict. So we settled on oxycontin. The truth of it is i wanted oxycontin. I knew all about that super strong drug...

I.Stayed on the oxycontin for two years going thru more knee procedures. Tried new Operations. I was desperate to stop hurting... Then he upped my oxycontin after i had my knee surgeries. Taking me from.40mgs a day to 120mgs a day over three years. Changed ching...i loved the oxycontin at first. It blew norcos/Loratabs/perceset away. And i Stayed high all day off of two to three pills. Then he gave me roxies for break thru. Well i snorted one and what a rush... I was hooked at first snort...then id run out buy from the streets. Swap meds with my husband. It became a financial disaster as well as a worst addiction..i had my knee replaced may 19 2011. And told myself if Im not off the drugs by January ill.check in. I did get off the drugs. Checked in to rehab after another surgery on my knee due to torn ligaments and bleeding that gave me clots under my knee cap. Convinced my husband to check in too. We were out of control. Spending 1000 or more on pills off the streets. I've got great insurance so once i meet my deductible of 600 i don't pay anything for any meds no matter what Im prescribed.

There isn't a thing as a recreational user. Opiates work.differently on our brain. Pain receptors change. Seratonin changes. You will change too. We all said the same thing in the beginning "it won't happen to me". "Im not a junkie living on a park bench" i can stop anytime i want. Ha. Really. I have yet to find a recreational user who just walked away or kept his/her pills undercontrol.

Your only fooling yourself if you think you've got a handle on it. The pills will turn on you. Guaranteed. What once gave you energy will.make you lethargic  and nod out. It will turn you into a recluse. It will turn your body and mind against you. Guaranteed.

There is hope. People get off these drugs everyday. With hard work a support system and sheer willpower and meetings..admitting..learning..we can and do escape.

Some people loose everything they have. Families are torn apart houses lost jobs lost some end up in jail. Addiction will make you lie steal deal drugs..anything to keep your addiction going. Do you want ro hit rock bottom before you stop? Or do you want to smarten up and stop while your ahead?

The choice is yours...the outcome of continued use will.result in possible Death jail or loss of everything you've got including your mind.

You've came to the right place for help. We don't judge one another. We support eachother. I believe you didn't find us by accident. A higher power sent you here for a reason. I encourage you to stick around. Read posts ask questions...but do yourself a favor. Make a choice..you can surrender to drugs and see what happens or admit you need help and dig deep and start your recovery now.

Sorry to be so harsh...i want you to see the long term effect...eyes wide open.. Nice to meet you. My name is bama and Im an addict

[georgiagirl5]

Thank you so much for your response.  I know that I am headed down a road that is not good for me.  I just hope I caught it quick enough so that I won't ruin my life with it.  Thanks again.

[kyle505]

Boy, where do I start. Almost everyone on this site knows exactly how meds add color to life; nothing is boring or usual on the drugs. And nothing is real...You cheat yourself out of enjoying the simple things because your head is in a cloud. Eventually, you will start planning every aspect of your daily life around the drugs - trips, family visits, holidays - nothing can happen unless the meds are available. And the longer you use, the more you will need, and the process of getting the drugs will take over every waking moment. I used about 10 Norco 10's for well over a year. I know what I'm talking about. Family, friends, work, life all became secondary to the meds and chasing the meds. Read the posts on this site. You're questions will be answered over and over again. You made it here - first step. Now you should read and learn. Good luck.