Will it ever end?????

[tobie]

My name is Tobie,I posted a few weeks ago andgot some great support expecially from Oxic,I wrote beacause I am desperate to get off hydrocodone,oxycodone (whatever I can getmy hands on)I detoxed last week for the third time and stayed clean for 4 days.3 days ago I relapsed horribly for the third time.I went on a damn pill searchimg rampage.Now I am so discouraged.Will this ever end?Will I ever be "normal" agian?I can't do anything without planning around lortabs.I am sooooo sick and tired of being a slave to these demons,and what in the hell am I even addicted to?I could eat 6 10's and would'nt get even the slightest buzz.I feel like such a loser.I am 22 in college and

[Joey228]

I never heard of fiorocet until this evening. I was given this prescription for migranes. I wake up with these headaches  at 2,3, 4 in the morning. I had no idea this medication  were addictive. Am I making a mistake by taking these?

[peaz]

Ah HA!! It's all coming back to me now...I remember you posting about you and your husband; you had a rather precarious health situation...and, I remember, too, Thomas' comment about the hospital bed.  What's up w/ that guy?? He always has to be so damned PROFOUND all the time.....LOL  As I recall, your heart condition was a major concern, as well as the drug use.  Wasn't this all posted last summer some time?  I'll have been here a year in July or so, but I was lurking long before then.  
      Anyway--I'm glad to see you back.   If you feel lke you're beginning to skid on concrete, this is a good spot to be.  Stick around...love, peazy  

  PS I have been ladydi on other boards, but never "dee" so that wasn't me, although it really doesn't matter now....

[oldtimer]

thanks for posting, actually it's been longer then 2yrs that I have been coming in and out of here, at the beginning I wasn't 'oldtimer' I was 'Dee' I remember that another 'Dee' started coming and then there started to be some confusion,could that be you? then I got 'lost' for a long long time, but still read the posts,I'm the one that had the heart attack, has the vascular disease among other things, nada nada nada, damn next month with be 3yrs since the heart attack (wow does time fly when your in a haze!)long story short, on oxycontin and have been abusing..and yes life is spiraling,just wanted to say thanks for answering,I'll post again, I keep seeing the words in my head that thomas wrote a long time ago, he said to me, you just wait, there's a hospital bed with you and your hubby's name on it waiting for you his was so right..take care

[peaz]

I am sorry to hear that you are lost at sea......I know the feeling, and it's both scary and overwhelming.  As addicts, it seems like it's part of the rollercoaster ride that makes up our lives....(gee--aren't we knee-deep into the metaphors today!!! :-)  If you've been reading for a couple of years, like you say, then you know that your situation is one that  many of us have had to deal w/ and we have OVERCOME it.....It just might not happen the first, third, or even the FIFTH time.  But with the support that you will get here, I hope you realize that you're not in this alone.  Don't EVER think that your life has to stay the way it is now; that there's no way out!!  There will come a time that you will say ,"THIS IS IT" and that will be the impetus that will  lift you out of the quagmire for good---and you will get your life back.  Is this that tiime, oldtimer?
   Please let me know how I can help. I love that I could make you laugh---God knows it's the one emotion that doesn't get used enough in this shitty phase.......I thank you for your compliment; and I want you to know that you MADE MY DAY!!  
     I  DO recognize  your name; I'm sorry to say I don't recall your story at this moment.  (I'll blame that on the drug use....:-)  Why don't you fill me in and we'll go from there?  If you like, you can email me at ***@****  Hang in there, Doll-----I'll be thinking of you---Peazy

[oldtimer]

I'm hoping that you see this,things are spiraling out of control in my life right now, as thomas and everyone else said that it would 2yrs ago, I have been continually reading the posts but not responding to anything until right now,I just want to thank you for giving me a laugh,(as the last few days have been nothing but tears) your post was awesome, the part that made me laugh was when you said that about looking at your husband and you kept saying 'I married that!'it was precious, thank you, I will post again, I'm going to need alot of help in the next coming days, weeks,hope all is well

[norco/user]

Hi, I've been using norco for about 2 years on a daily basis. I take at least 9 pills a day of 10/325. I recently got up to taking 3 pills at one time. My last pill was 48hrs ago and I feel really crappy! I am so sleepy and exhausted, but I can't sleep. The first night I slept for about an hour then I got up and went to work. The whole time at work all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. When I got home that was the last thing I could do. I tossed and turned all night. Finally I remembered that I had a few soma that I had taken a long time ago, so I took 1 and I slept for a full 4hrs. I am not going to take anymore soma I just want to be able to stay clear of all meds. Since I've stopped taking norco I've gone through so much. I am cold one min and hot the next. I am not hungry what soever, which is very weird. I sneeze all the time. My body is very weak and I feel kinda depressed. I have the choice of getting some more pills, but I'm trying very hard not to. I hate these withdrawls and I feel like maybe I shouldn't have gone cold turkey so I keep telling myself that maybe I should get these pills and try to come off of them slowly. Does anyone know how long these withdrawls will last? Any advice?  PLEASE!! Thanks

[babyboomer]

Hey, Just thought I was looking at my story,when I read your comment!!Muy whole life centers around whether or not my pills will be in sync with the holidays,birthdays,vacations,and it is NOT any way to live. But until I can get well-it's off to the doctors office.(con city!)I have ruined many important events bscause of withdrawl.Anyway, just wanted you to know you are in my prayers. And I do understand.

[vettezr1]

Is using not abusing acceptable.
That

[Jerri2]

Glad to hear your doing soooooooooooo good!I'm at day 22 and I dont exercise enough!I need to take my own and everybody elses advice on this I guess!Take care my friend!!   Jerri

[finkboy]

The icepick in my head drove me straight to the Dr who gave me 10 Percs, which my wife has in her possesion.  The last time I used was March 28th.

I took 2 and the icepick went away, only to be replaced with feelings of guilt, shame and disbelief.  I just wanted the pain to stop, and not to catch a buzz.

I tried Fiorcet (yuk!), Torridal shots and Maltrex.  All just reduced my icepick to a dull roar, allowing me to be semi-functional.

Is it phsycological?  Can I go to an NA meeting?  Is using not abusing acceptable?

Thoughts anyone?

[Chezz2]

Vico,

Exercise, the Thomas Recipe, perseverance, commitment, support, desire, this web site -- all contributed

I don't think success could have been expressed any better.

Congrats, your out of the woods, and ready to cross the prairie...

Chezz

[VicoWithdrawing]

Hi Jerri,

Day 5 and all is terrific!!

I felt perfectly normal all day - was even able to put in a productive 8 hour day at the office.  I took a 1 hour bike ride after work.

To use a blast from the past --

Just keep on truckin'!

All is well.

Exercise, the Thomas Recipe, perseverance, commitment, support, desire, this web site -- all contributed.

Thanks for your concern.

VicoW/D

[finkboy]

Thomas - read the post under alcolholism that I addressed to you.  

I want freedom from opiates, but also desire freedom from pain.

It is amazing what the addictive mind can justify.....

[bmac]

Who is this BSills idiot? I keep seeing these stupid remarks that make no sense at all. Hey BS take your BS elsewhere....

[peaz]

When I read your post, it took me back to my first weeks/months of recovery....All your feelings are to be expected and completely logical, when you think about it.  We were self-medicating for  many reasons--it was our way of coping.  Now that we're sober, we're " feeling and dealing" and man, that can be a real *****!!
   I remember being irritated w/ everything my husband said or did.   His blinking was disgusting!!!!    :-)   I had NO patience and I kept thinking, "I MARRIED YOU???"   LOL  Because as long as I was in my haze, he was the stud from Club Med....and SO charming!!  Anyway, acknowledge those kinds of feelings, but don't  ACT on them, because they WILL mellow out and become more "traditional".   Both my husband and I have had some "foreign" feelings to deal with, but if you keep your lines of communication open, you will be able to work the bumps out together.  Now, a year and four months later--we are doing better than ever. Seriously.  I am not Pollyanna and I wouldn't **** you...LOL  Hang in there.
    The same goes for wondering if they'll like you "straight".  I had the same fears, that I wouldn't be as cute, witty, energetic, yada, yada, yada....But, I truly think those are our OWN perceptions: many people have told me they think I've changed FOR THE BETTER.  And the things about me they have always liked are still there.  You ARE a different person, to be sure.  And until you redefine yourself, TO yourself, it can be very scary and intimidating.  As you wrote in another post that I commented on: you will evolve second by second, hour by hour, day to day.....and eventually the real you will emerge before your eyes.  The really nice thing is, the FOG will be lifted,  your dignity and self-worth will be back and you will LIKE the person in the mirror.
    My therapist has a poster on her wall that says: S.O.B.E.R.  ----SON OF A *****!!   EVERYTHINGS REAL!!!  and that sums it up beautifully, I think.  If most of the world can handle the daily tribulations of life w/out being ****** up all the time, and STILL love life, then by God, I'M gonna give it a shot, too.  I had to get accustomed to coping while high, and I can get accustomed to loving it straight.
     Fight the good fight, and I wish you well.  Love, Peaz

[finkboy]

Thomas, you are absolutely right.  I am just trying to keep myself as far away from that **** as possible.  I was only on 10mg of valium a night (like I needed it after 4-5 Percs!) and never took it during the day.  You are right about the mood swings.

As I continue to emerge out of my haze, things that were once acceptable to me within my family (how I interact with them, what I expect etc...) are starting to change.  I found myself barking orders, and being extremely short tempered yesterday.  While Saturday, I got more done in the yard than I had the past year and a half combined.??

It is a roller coaster ride for sure.  This time change blows - I will have no trouble sleeping tonight without meds :)

I guess there is a part of me that is afraid that either I won't like my family situation, or they won't like the "unmedicated" me.  Keeping my head burried in the sand for so long, and only giving a **** about getting my daily fix is a lot different than how things are going now.  People change, things change and what was once acceptable, may not be any longer.

The key is to not rush anything....  Just continue in my recovery and let life - well, just happen.  I am still in no position to make any decisions that will affect my life for a long time.

Thanks again to everyone!!

[Thomas03]

"The key is to not rush anything.... Just continue in my recovery and let life - well, just happen. I am still in no position to make any decisions that will affect my life for a long time."

I could not have said it better, my friend. Good show!

Thomas

[Thomas03]

You "sound" like you're doing really well. Glad to "hear" it! Be prepared, though, for some rough days ahead. You're shaking off a couple of mean drugs in Percocet and Valium. Valium especially has a long withdrawal syndrome full of unpredictable emotions and transient physical symptoms.

I see many recovering addicts make it through the first couple weeks and feel jubilant and empowered. Then the long-term withdrawal sets in and some become disillusioned. Just be aware that you have a long but worthwhile path still to tread.

I was 3 weeks clean and then I encountered a target of opportunity, i.e., some Vics and Vals, which I pounced on without even thinking. Conditioned behavior is a formidable opponent. One "lost weekend" later, and I started over. I have about 3 weeks and change down again. But I know what I'd do if another target of opportunity strolled by ... With time, I hope I will be able to think more and react less.

Good luck!

Thomas

[peaz]

Your last paragraph is so simple, yet profound. It says it all.   What good advice......Peaz

[bsills]

First, try to cut your dose as much as possible, and then go Cold Turkey for 36-48 hours.  Then, if you still feel like ****, you should try switching to a different chemically structured, mild opiate, see if that holds you, and then titrate down as quickly as possible with that other opiate.

[Jerri2]

Congradulations!Your on your way to a new life!Doesnt it feel great to think you can wake up and not pop a pill first thing or all day or before you go to bed!Your doing good!And even went for a 2 mile bike ride at only 72 hours into it!Keep up the good work!It only gets better with each day!Keep posting so we can know how your doing!!    Jerri

[finkboy]

BullS would be a more appropriate handle...

I have just about 10 days under my belt, so I don't really have any answers, but what I do know is this:  You gotta want it.

You have to ask for help.  You have to make yourself accountable to others.  If you don't have access to professional help, go to NA meetings.  You will meet people who are very much like you (just like this forum) You have to quit lying to yourself and want your real life back.  IMO I would not switch one opiate for another.

Take it second by second, minute by minute and before you know it things will fall into place.

[bsills]

I disagree with most of the posts here.  I think I can help you make the detox must less painful and therefore less likely to relapse.

[rodewc]

And that would be how, Oh So Cryptic One?


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