Will things ever get better?

[summerloven]

So after attending some online chats and speaking with others who have dealt with addicts in their lives I felt that I was really making professing. I decided it is time to focus on me and not so much on him. I even felt like I didn't really care anymore, that I had to focus on myself. Then it hit me, what if this doesn't work? What if he never quits? He says he'll go to rehab one minute then the next he completely refuses. I changed my attitude and I am trying my best to be patient, but I feel that now he is manipulating me even more than he was before. Now he will get mad and throw a fit over ANYTHING. Even losing a video game and even worse he thinks now that "he is the boss" when will it ever get better? Just a rant. Hope you all are well my dear loves. I hope this doesn't effect my exam scores.

[summerloven]

thank you so much my dear! and i am glad you have a supportive husband. I feel that every addict needs a rock.

[summerloven]

after he quits i will be getting him evaluated for sure. and thanks for all the support

[MFS79]

Everyone is right you are not his mint her. All you can do is be there to support him. It is not your fault he is in the situation he is in. I for one don't take my feelings out on everyone around me. I keep them to myself. He is lucky to have someone that is willing to put up with an addict. I am so grateful for my husband. You need to focus on yourself and do what is best for you. Good luck on your exams and I hope you guys can make it thru this.

[littlebit667]

something to consider and it is from personal experience and observation:  often men (and less often women) self medicate to deal with mental health issues.  This can include bipolar (in my husband's case).  Is the the case with your situation..who knows...but it is one thing to consider as you are looking for options.  Glad you are doing alanon.

[summerloven]

I did do online alanon until i can get to a meeting after finals and it is helping. I just dont think I want to deal with this for my life ya know?

[littlebit667]

Nothing is going to be good enough for him right now.  He is whining to push your buttons to get a response.  He gets what he wants when you respond.  Just tell him you are sorry he is in a bad mood and do whatever you need to do to study and be healthy.  One thing to consider is Alanon for the support.  The meetings are a good way to find resources and info on how to deal with him and how to keep you on track.

[summerloven]

Thanks, I am trying to focus on me. Actually last night I got away for a while and got to spend time with my family without him around or having to worry about him because he was asleep and it was so nice. Not to constantly be texting him or him calling me and saying stupid things. Moments like those I cherish. I am starting to be slowly but surely pushed away and I don't think he realizes it either.

[summerloven]

thats exactly what I am doing. But even that isn't good enough, now I am fake because I am being more patient with him. I was up till 4:30 am with him whining then I woke up for school at 7am, I just got home now the time is 5:50 and he is still in a pissy mood. I dont care let him be a brat I am getting sick and tired

[Pat1956100]

I just want to offer my support.  I know you are going through such a rough time but littlebit is right, you aren't his mother.
Don't allow him to verbally abuse you either.  Walk away and don't even engage with him.
Work on you for sure and concentrate, as hard as it is, on your exams.
Good luck summer.

[littlebit667]

The truth is he may not get clean or go to rehab.  I hope he does and I hope that taking yourself out of the picture he will have to face himself and make the decision.  You cannot make him do anything.  ALL you can do is help and protect yourself.  What will work is when you work on YOU.  You can fix you, you can't fix him!  Support him when he makes good progress and look the other way when he does not.  He is not your child and you are not his mother.  It sounds like he is acting like a child...pushing your buttons to see how firm you are.  Do well on your exam and try to find some peace that you are helping yourself and in turn hopefully it will help him.