Becoming numb inside and out

[Wildflowr10]

I'm a 39 year old woman diagnosed with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety for which I take Adderall, Celexa and Valium. I am addicted heavily to my Adderall, I take triple the amount a day. I used to take Xanax, but switched to Valium because I was eating the Xanax like candy. The valium doesn't seem to affect me the same way, I take my regular dose, sometimes not at all. I drink alcohol alot and when I run out of Adderall I snort cocaine. Aren't I just a friggin mess? Where the he** do I start getting out of this hole I've dug myself into?

[chuckd72]

I also take adderall (50 mg/ day) and I used to over use it too when I was taking xanax and vicodin ES.  The worst part is that I didn't get any theraputic benefit from the adderall because the narcotics and benzos were counteracting the stimulant properties of the adderall.  Once I got clean I found that I didn't need to overuse the adderall to compensate for the effects of the xanax and vicodin and was able to regain control of my ADHD.  What a great feeling.

The worst part is that I have considerable knowledge of medications as part of my training (I was a paramedic for 8 years) and I knew full well what I was doing to my chemistry.

[Averagedan]

Yeah! Crazy right! I used to drink heavy with Xanax, then coke, go to bed at 4:am wake up at 8:00am, ready to party! Drinking for breakfast. Iwas a mess too! Cigerette butts everywhere, driving my family crazy! I should of been committed. I found quitting alcohol let me make wiser desicions . It was the hardest part to do! But then a year of sobriety I started on lorcets, they made me the life of the party and super human. But I quit that too ! U have to make a choice and stick to it. That u are an addict and as we addicts we can't take any narcotics

[anjel75]

I take Adderall now. I switched from Ritalin that, you have to believe me, made me soooo sleepy! I didn't think I would get enough sleep. Stimulant? Hah! Not to me. When I don't get enough sleep, I get my headaches. Vicious! I called my doc when he put me on Ritalin and he laughed. He said well that just proves that you have it. Nobody takes Ritalin and sleeps not unless there is a legit reason. He wants me to switch to Straterra after a while but give me these other meds because they are fast acting. That way he could evaluate that I DID have ADD. I do like the Adderall. It is helpful and doesn't make me sleepy! He said that we may could take the Adderall extended release, bu tI don't take med any other way than PO.

[Mis Take]

Im sorry you feel so bad and sad.  Addiction sucks, no matter to what.  I have also worked with adderall a little so completely understand the draw however, it is REALLY not good.  I know that sounds stupid b/c none of it is but the effects of longterm adderall use can be scary.  Not to mention, one wrong night, take too many and dead.  Don't do it!! talk to your dr. if you can and possibly find an alternative.  Do you truly have ADHD and it effects your work/school/relationships?  If it does, you need something.  I know there are nonaddictive meds - said to not be as good, but I don't know.  Statera may be good, it's newer.  anyway, the others are the opposite.  I mean downer not upper.  Are you taking them for sleep. Sadly, they are really hard to quit as well.   you have a long road ahead of you but you can def do it.  We, here, believe it you!!  let us know how we can help.  PLEASE take the first step and talk to someone around you that can help.  take care.

[Wildflowr10]

First of all thanks for empathizing with my problems all around.First of all, I wasn't really sure I had ADHD because I was diagnosed as an adult. Back when I was a kid my mother had me on some **** to knock me out so I would sleep. Of course, she neglected to tell me that until after I thought I was going crazy! At 25, I was diagnosed and I knew right away when I started taking adderall how focused I'd become at work, more organized, ect. I was using cocaine before that and it thad the same effect. It was odd, all my friends were buzzin' around the room and was just content sitting and reading high on coke!
Next, I know for sure now is that my 6 year daughter was diagnosed this year. She takes the XR, which doesn't work for me. I was taking Prozac for my depression for 15 years, just switched to Celexa, it's ok, I guess! My body just became immuned to Prozac.Time for a change. The Valium,  is to help my anxiety (panic attacks) which I rarely get unless I run out of them (oh the irony)
Xanax made me feel too good and I was eating way too many, making my panic attacks more often. I take triple the dose of my Adderall because it really doesn't work as much anymore, but I want to keep getting it because at least it helps a little. When I run out, I do coke. Just like when I run out of benzos, I drink too much. It's a terrible way to live.

[anjel75]

I, too, take Adderall, Xanax and Hydrocodone. All that just makes me wonder sometimes....

[singha]

I hear ya scary isn't it. I am 35 and lost most of my twenties and half of my thirties to a non addictive prescription called Ultram. I am trying so hard and like I've said before sometimes the hardest part is admitting it so we have already come a long way. Wd's suck but thank god they don't last forever. I am tapering slowly and I'm not sure that it is the best decision but I'm trying it. I guess the decision is yours just be strong and good luck and become addicted to this forum like I have. Misery loves company