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Avatar universal

Wow! That was close!

I was doing really well today and had only very mild cravings but that changed in an instant. I am at my mom's because I help take care of her (she has lots of serious health problems). I noticed a pill on the floor and went to pick it up so that the dog didn't get it.  It was a pain pill and my fave (hydrocodone). I obviously had to pick it up but man, it was SO hard not to just pop it in my mouth! I didn't. I gave it to my mom immediately (it's her's).
Just really reinforced to me the importance of constantly being on guard. We have no idea when temptation will cross our paths,
I've told my mom that no matter how much I beg and plead, she cannot give me any pills for any reason and she understands. Now, I just have to keep her from dropping the damn things in my path!!
Now my cravings are OUT OF CONTROL!!!
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Avatar universal
Molly, you should be so proud of yourself!!  That was close and you reacted well.  I am sure it was beyond hard, but at that crucial moment you knew what the right decision should be and you made it!  I have no doubt that your cravings are crazy wild right now after that.  If you can, go take a walk, blast your favorite song and dance...whatever you can physically do something.  You rock and i'm sure the rest of our group feels the same way!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Molly! We are constantly tested for sure! You did REALLY REALLY GOOD !! Your very right YOU CAN'T LET THAT GUARD DOWN... When the cravings get bad you have to shift focus, change direction and get your mind on something else! The addict mind will tell you all kinds of lies. You have to shut it up! You are rockin it! Keep pushing forward and knocking the days back! CLEAN & FREE...
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Avatar universal
why to go Molly!!!!!!!
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1801781 tn?1461629469
I understand....sometimes I will see a small white oval shaped something on the floor and my brain goes nuts!  Walk, away..girl walk away.  :)
Helpful - 0
1827057 tn?1397520277
Good for you on not taking that pill. When we see areas where we can slip we need to take measures to prevent the same situation in the future. It sounds like you are doing that . Good for you friend !! ;)
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Avatar universal
It would have been just a tease. Then you would have wanted another and another....I know I would have. Congratulations on a very strong willpower you have!! Keep it going!!!
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Avatar universal
Good point Kat! I think that's why it's said that one is to many and 1000 isn't enough
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Those pills are our death sentence.  Get yourself busy, go outside and suck up some fresh air.  Look around at all you have to be grateful for.  It is our time now to make a mark on this life~
Helpful - 0
6538759 tn?1386250196
Great job on taking taking it and it would have been a big tease.  You should feel so proud of yourself for making the right choice!!
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
You did really good handling the "surprise hydro" you found yesterday!!!  I can't say that I would have faired as well at only 9 days clean.  It's great that you told your mom not to give you any "no matter what"...and also that you are able to help her (particularly this early in recovery).  

I must share though what I was thinking about myself at 9 days clean as I read this situation that triggered such strong cravings in you......

Not only would I need to communicate NOT to give me any under any circumstances, I'd have to ask if they could be put up....not just sitting around staring at me....and then retrieved "as needed" for her by someone else (or by her if she is able to do that).  Just seeing a brown prescription bottle with a white lid the other day really set off some weird thoughts in "my" head.  I don't trust myself....touching them, looking at them, my head knowing where some are..... they are there just waiting for me.

I also formed one of those "ahead of time plans" for myself when I quit.  I wasn't sure if I would find a pill (or two or three) in a pocket, or on the floor, behind a picture frame, under a mattress, or anyone of my other "stash hiding places".  Soooooo.....I decided AHEAD OF TIME.....that IF.....IF that happened to me....I would walk straight to the garbage disposal, turn on the water and hit the switch....chewed up....gone!!!!  No time to think....no time for my addict brain to kick in.....no stressin since I knew they were "in my presence".  
May seem a bit overboard to some.....but I can tell you for sure.....if I had pills anywhere around me these past 16 months....they would've ended up in my mouth (due to chronic ongoing pain issues).......Point being.....we definitely have to keep our guards up....but we also have to be know ourselves and create (as much as we can) a foolproof, drug free environment in which we put ourselves.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks, everyone! It was hard but I did it. The cravings got better as the night went on. Spent some quality time with my nephew and that is a cure for (almost everything) that ails me!

Today was a better day!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
WOW!  That was close!  Maybe next time go and get mom and let her deal with getting the pill?  You don't even need to touch those things.  They will kill you....all of us!  We have to do whatever is necessary to stay clean.  I'm glad today was better.  This won't be your last good day.  You'll be shocked at how good a life, clean of pills, can be! :)
Helpful - 0
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495284 tn?1333894042
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