Aa
Wow...6 days...
Hey Everybody.
I wanted to thank everybody for helping me get this far. Today is my siixth day without any meth or pills! I am ammazed. I never even thought that I would make it to day two. But I did. I would like to give special thans to bmac, pixi, and chezz. Don't forget hippy either. Theire encouragement and success stories (49 days bill!) kept me going. No matter what, I wont ever forget you guys. You saved my life.
Festertool
I wanted to thank everybody for helping me get this far. Today is my siixth day without any meth or pills! I am ammazed. I never even thought that I would make it to day two. But I did. I would like to give special thans to bmac, pixi, and chezz. Don't forget hippy either. Theire encouragement and success stories (49 days bill!) kept me going. No matter what, I wont ever forget you guys. You saved my life.
Festertool
I think it was too much info the other day but hey,I was proud of myself.LOL.On the code subject,there are several churches in the USA that teach the truth.One in Ark.They teach the Hebrew and the Greek translations,only.No denomination or religion.But I must tell you we have been attacked by the majority of the religious community because we believe they are teaching lies from their pulpits.Most churches teach manmade
religion.It sux and is full of lies.That is why so many people are turned off by religion because the denominationalism(what a word)You know that I am right and you are wrong therory they teach.But true Christanity is a beautiful thing.But you can't find much of it in todays society.Only a chosen few.But that can bring wrath from the religious community just making that statement but I don't answer to them,I answer only to the Father that gave me life.I am rambling again so if you want the links to these hebrew/greek translation email me at ***@****
I don't think I want to post them here,we get enough hate mail
without me making it worse,I hope you have a better day than yesterday and yes I missed you yesterday!!!
bmac
religion.It sux and is full of lies.That is why so many people are turned off by religion because the denominationalism(what a word)You know that I am right and you are wrong therory they teach.But true Christanity is a beautiful thing.But you can't find much of it in todays society.Only a chosen few.But that can bring wrath from the religious community just making that statement but I don't answer to them,I answer only to the Father that gave me life.I am rambling again so if you want the links to these hebrew/greek translation email me at ***@****
I don't think I want to post them here,we get enough hate mail
without me making it worse,I hope you have a better day than yesterday and yes I missed you yesterday!!!
bmac
Good morning lucky man!Im glad someone got lucky the other night.Congrats on day 51!Im a day late on 50.Did you miss me yesterday?You better say yes lol I was reading your post about studying the hebrew bible.I have been trying to learn the hebrew alphabet.It's so hard.Have you ever heard of the bible code?Some believe that all knowledge of the universe is encoded in the torah.I ordered the cd rom from israel.It's fascinating.
So the game is on,injuries and all huh?guess we'll be on equal footing.
GO VOLS!
pixi
So the game is on,injuries and all huh?guess we'll be on equal footing.
GO VOLS!
pixi
Thx for your story. Have a great day. I'm still using..but hope to quit in a few weeks.
Suzie
Suzie
I believe your feelings about the void you describe in your life without the pills. At 40 years of age, perfect Wife and 5 Year old son, 3 dogs, nice house, really nice cars,great job, everything is so right. It would be easy to screw it up and hurt everyone around me, because I give up on living my life, because of their innocence... NO FUC...G way. But it does not create the bridge I am looking for to make the cravings and desire for Hydro to go away. At day 14 I still desire the drug a lot. It scares me to feel that I could easily relapse under a multitude of different scenarios.
I appreciate your sincerity in your thread. I thought I was the only one who cried out of fear of letting down the ones I Love so much. Stay cool.
Goldenbear
I appreciate your sincerity in your thread. I thought I was the only one who cried out of fear of letting down the ones I Love so much. Stay cool.
Goldenbear
Hi Suzie,
Tapering never worked for me. I tried over and over and just kept failing.
But, if you do have it in you to taper, the gentlest way to do it is to go down 1 pill every other day. That way, you don't feel as strong a withdrawal. The down side of that method is that it takes a long time and you run the risk of taking more "just this once" and before you know it, you are back where you started or beyond.
Another tapering option is to do it faster, cut your intake by a third a day. You'll still feel withdrawals with this though.
There is no easy way out, but recovery is possible! Never give up. If you try to taper and you are not able, don't give up. There are other options and most of us don't make it the first time we try. Getting off the meds is the easy part. Staying off is where the real work begins.
Stay with us, and good luck.
love,
WW
Tapering never worked for me. I tried over and over and just kept failing.
But, if you do have it in you to taper, the gentlest way to do it is to go down 1 pill every other day. That way, you don't feel as strong a withdrawal. The down side of that method is that it takes a long time and you run the risk of taking more "just this once" and before you know it, you are back where you started or beyond.
Another tapering option is to do it faster, cut your intake by a third a day. You'll still feel withdrawals with this though.
There is no easy way out, but recovery is possible! Never give up. If you try to taper and you are not able, don't give up. There are other options and most of us don't make it the first time we try. Getting off the meds is the easy part. Staying off is where the real work begins.
Stay with us, and good luck.
love,
WW
See it flies by.lol I hope it gets easier for ya!I am sitting here watching it rain like hell.It seems to rain every thursday and friday now.I am in Alabama and if it's not a hurricane it's the thunderstorms this time a year.Plus the pot crop got scorched
this year and all the potheads are going nuts.Well today will be easier for you and tommorrow will be easier than today.Oh listen
to my wisdom,I am sounding like my dad now,Oh no I am becoming my father,God help me.I can't even understand the lyrics to the new music anymore and that's what my dad use to say,'what the hell are you listening to,I can't understand a word'.It is a scary thing to wake up one morning and discover you have become your father.But I have wonderful parents and I shouldn't complain
At least I still have them.
Have a good day,
bmac
this year and all the potheads are going nuts.Well today will be easier for you and tommorrow will be easier than today.Oh listen
to my wisdom,I am sounding like my dad now,Oh no I am becoming my father,God help me.I can't even understand the lyrics to the new music anymore and that's what my dad use to say,'what the hell are you listening to,I can't understand a word'.It is a scary thing to wake up one morning and discover you have become your father.But I have wonderful parents and I shouldn't complain
At least I still have them.
Have a good day,
bmac
Hey...Just wanted to say that I haven't seen you in a while...I haven't posted much....just reading and reading trying to stay sane!! Well just wanted to say Waz up!!
Laters
Christine
Laters
Christine
Morning everybody.
Today is going to be a good day. I could smell it when I stepped outside in the morning. I could feel it when the wind hit my face with the heat from the sun. Nothing else mattered. It was perfect.
As I was walking, I wondered, How is it that this happened? I looked back to my first experences with the drugs, and I really dont know why I started in the first place. Everything was going great for me before the drugs. And everything after just started to go downhill.
I know that I want to fix this now. I see in my future that I am going to make it back up that hill. All of us will. And we'll climb it together. We're doing it now. Wheter we are tapering, detoxing, or going straight CT, we're doing it.
We've all gone so far and done so much, we cant stop now. Even coing to tis forum and facing your problems is a great challenge! I know. My first day here was hell. I cried. I didn't think ould ever do what I've done so far. It was tearing me up from the inside. But even though nobody here knows me personaly, they helped me. Wow, now thats something you don't see everyday!
This has been a learning experience in itself.
Festertool
P.S: Everybody give it up for bmac. (Bill) It's his 50th day!
Today is going to be a good day. I could smell it when I stepped outside in the morning. I could feel it when the wind hit my face with the heat from the sun. Nothing else mattered. It was perfect.
As I was walking, I wondered, How is it that this happened? I looked back to my first experences with the drugs, and I really dont know why I started in the first place. Everything was going great for me before the drugs. And everything after just started to go downhill.
I know that I want to fix this now. I see in my future that I am going to make it back up that hill. All of us will. And we'll climb it together. We're doing it now. Wheter we are tapering, detoxing, or going straight CT, we're doing it.
We've all gone so far and done so much, we cant stop now. Even coing to tis forum and facing your problems is a great challenge! I know. My first day here was hell. I cried. I didn't think ould ever do what I've done so far. It was tearing me up from the inside. But even though nobody here knows me personaly, they helped me. Wow, now thats something you don't see everyday!
This has been a learning experience in itself.
Festertool
P.S: Everybody give it up for bmac. (Bill) It's his 50th day!
Keep your head up.6 days is a wonderful thing for you.It will just keep rollin'on!Find something to do to keep you busy and it will pass alot quicker.
good job,
bmac
good job,
bmac
Good morning:
Day 11 (or 17 out of 23 as I like to say, with stubborn unwillingness to let go of the 6 100% clean day before my 6 day slip) here, in West Virginia.
I seem to experience *amazing* effects from the L-Tyrosine -- a feeling of well-being that floods through me, which almost hydro-like, but without the detached, foggy feeling.
Gotta run, I'm late . . .
CATUF
Day 11 (or 17 out of 23 as I like to say, with stubborn unwillingness to let go of the 6 100% clean day before my 6 day slip) here, in West Virginia.
I seem to experience *amazing* effects from the L-Tyrosine -- a feeling of well-being that floods through me, which almost hydro-like, but without the detached, foggy feeling.
Gotta run, I'm late . . .
CATUF
Mornin! Well this fsu / Miami game scares the gageebies outa me. But I'll be watching in Tallahassee and JEssearpy in Nebraska...so maybe our energy will help em. Not!
So wuts your story? If not Fl, then where are you? If ya like to tell me that is.
Thx,
Suzie
So wuts your story? If not Fl, then where are you? If ya like to tell me that is.
Thx,
Suzie
Suzie: Florida? Well, I do like Florida much better better than Miami (I hope the 'Canes go down on Saturday!). But no, I'm several states north of Florida
Strider: The $500 will be much better spent if you call your "friend" and tell him "you can sell those twice - I won't be needing them." That would be a $500 investment in yourself. If you get them for any reason, you'll be lucky if you even dump most of them -- hell, you'll be lucky if you dump ANY of them. Either way, you won't have your $500. But if you start (even with some sort of good intention or different plan "this time") you will have wasted all your time in South America. Moreover, some time from now (1 month, 3, 6?) you'll be trying this again and be wondering "oh my God, how did I do this *again*? I made it out of the rabbit hole, why did I dive back in?? You've made through the physically tough part -- don't let the pain and determination of the past 10 day be for naught.
'Night all
Strider: The $500 will be much better spent if you call your "friend" and tell him "you can sell those twice - I won't be needing them." That would be a $500 investment in yourself. If you get them for any reason, you'll be lucky if you even dump most of them -- hell, you'll be lucky if you dump ANY of them. Either way, you won't have your $500. But if you start (even with some sort of good intention or different plan "this time") you will have wasted all your time in South America. Moreover, some time from now (1 month, 3, 6?) you'll be trying this again and be wondering "oh my God, how did I do this *again*? I made it out of the rabbit hole, why did I dive back in?? You've made through the physically tough part -- don't let the pain and determination of the past 10 day be for naught.
'Night all
Strider,
Sounds like you already know the answer.
The world isn't going to stop until you are better. The deadlines aren't going to cease. The job is going to be there. Tough time or not.
The decision you have before you is "To use or not to use".
Picking them up is not an option in my book.
If you are serious about quitting, you will tell him you have quit and to give them to someone else, or make twice the money.
You have made deadlines, business decision, ect. without the pills before. So it doesn't matter if you have a take-over or meetings to the gill. That doesn't change a thing. You did it before without the meds, you can do it again.
Why would you pick them up, only to flush them on your own. In my humble opinion, it is because you still want them. You are still contemplating whether you can "just take a few" and not get back in the hole.
You already know if you pick them up, you will pop 20 and then go "f@#$ I have already messed up, I might as well finish these, since they are paid for of course. THEN I will stop"
You have all the answers already. You know your destiny if you pick them up. Money has nothing to do with it if you have already lost "7 figures".
The choice is yours. Do you want to take 500 or not? If no, then tell your dealer to do whatever the f#WW he wants with them.
The choice is yours. You know better. You wouldn't be asking/stating this unless you were on the edge.
I know its a harsh post. I just know the feeling you are going through. The temptation and rationalisation your addiction is playing on you.
I hope you make the right choice for YOU.
Chezz
Sounds like you already know the answer.
The world isn't going to stop until you are better. The deadlines aren't going to cease. The job is going to be there. Tough time or not.
The decision you have before you is "To use or not to use".
Picking them up is not an option in my book.
If you are serious about quitting, you will tell him you have quit and to give them to someone else, or make twice the money.
You have made deadlines, business decision, ect. without the pills before. So it doesn't matter if you have a take-over or meetings to the gill. That doesn't change a thing. You did it before without the meds, you can do it again.
Why would you pick them up, only to flush them on your own. In my humble opinion, it is because you still want them. You are still contemplating whether you can "just take a few" and not get back in the hole.
You already know if you pick them up, you will pop 20 and then go "f@#$ I have already messed up, I might as well finish these, since they are paid for of course. THEN I will stop"
You have all the answers already. You know your destiny if you pick them up. Money has nothing to do with it if you have already lost "7 figures".
The choice is yours. Do you want to take 500 or not? If no, then tell your dealer to do whatever the f#WW he wants with them.
The choice is yours. You know better. You wouldn't be asking/stating this unless you were on the edge.
I know its a harsh post. I just know the feeling you are going through. The temptation and rationalisation your addiction is playing on you.
I hope you make the right choice for YOU.
Chezz
The big Cold Turkey.
I don't like dragging **** out. But I don't have the w/d's like most people.
My doc said that it is because the meds are "used up" by the pain. Either way I don't know.
I have had them in the past, I just didn't know that is what they were.
Good luck though. You can do it either way.
Chezz
PS I know why you are REALLY quiting. You heard about the "sexual side effects". Huh ;0
I don't like dragging **** out. But I don't have the w/d's like most people.
My doc said that it is because the meds are "used up" by the pain. Either way I don't know.
I have had them in the past, I just didn't know that is what they were.
Good luck though. You can do it either way.
Chezz
PS I know why you are REALLY quiting. You heard about the "sexual side effects". Huh ;0
I know this is way off topic. But Its slow and I want to find some music.
Does anybody know of a good site that has FREE mp3's without having to do a bunch of **** to get them.
I have about 20gigs already. I am just trying to find more.
I am on DSL.
Plus it slooowwwwww.
Thanks,
Chezz
Does anybody know of a good site that has FREE mp3's without having to do a bunch of **** to get them.
I have about 20gigs already. I am just trying to find more.
I am on DSL.
Plus it slooowwwwww.
Thanks,
Chezz
The ONLY way I was able to taper was to give my supply to my brother, who I could trust to a) keep them (w/o using them himself); and b) give them back to me daily only as agreed.
That worked well, but EVERY other time I tried to taper on my own, I'd end up saying "well, I might as well not waste these" and take several days worth one evening with the idea that I'd be better served with one evening of fun then just bite the bullet in the morning. Of course, that NEVER seemed like such a good idea in the morning, so I'd find some more. The idea was that I'd use them to really taper and then I'd be done. But, when I had them I'd figure "well, I don't need ALL of these to taper. I'll have fun with X and then use the rest to taper off." And when those were used up without a taper . . . .
The only thing that went wrong with the brother-assisted taper is that on the evening of day 6 at 100% clean I found myself saying "OK" when a "friend" called. The one good thing about that fall from grace was that by the next morning it was very clear to me that I felt nowhere near as good "on" as I did compared to 6 days free after a 10 day taper.
On the other hand, I've done CT too and I have to say that although it sucks, it's not as bad as it seems it will be when you're drawing close to it. The worst part is getting beyond the mental block that you can't do it. For me, WD was like the flu. The worst for me was the aches and RLS, but "the Recipe" (which I never had during CT) apparently helps a great deal with that.
Good luck.
CATUF
That worked well, but EVERY other time I tried to taper on my own, I'd end up saying "well, I might as well not waste these" and take several days worth one evening with the idea that I'd be better served with one evening of fun then just bite the bullet in the morning. Of course, that NEVER seemed like such a good idea in the morning, so I'd find some more. The idea was that I'd use them to really taper and then I'd be done. But, when I had them I'd figure "well, I don't need ALL of these to taper. I'll have fun with X and then use the rest to taper off." And when those were used up without a taper . . . .
The only thing that went wrong with the brother-assisted taper is that on the evening of day 6 at 100% clean I found myself saying "OK" when a "friend" called. The one good thing about that fall from grace was that by the next morning it was very clear to me that I felt nowhere near as good "on" as I did compared to 6 days free after a 10 day taper.
On the other hand, I've done CT too and I have to say that although it sucks, it's not as bad as it seems it will be when you're drawing close to it. The worst part is getting beyond the mental block that you can't do it. For me, WD was like the flu. The worst for me was the aches and RLS, but "the Recipe" (which I never had during CT) apparently helps a great deal with that.
Good luck.
CATUF
10 days CT from hydro in deep south america. i read the posts and wish i had some access to something for sleep, but unfortunately i have to ad lib...hot baths only...no Thomas stuff available in this country. i had decided to see a doctor and tell him the truth and beg for valium or something for a few days to sllep, but my wife insisted on going with me to ther doctor, and i had to "convert" my malaise into "irritable colon"...almost makes you laugh. so the doctor told me no milk or sweets or sodas or yogurt for a week, and only gave me a very light sedative to sllep, actually for indigestion. i felt SOOOOOO stupid in that office, with my poor wife wondering what had happened to her super husband who was able to work/workout/play 18 hours a day, and now was a wreck.
anyway day 10 is not bad. i do not crave, but i am weak, very weak, and i cannot work out yet, only walk a few blocks. the worst part is that i often in the day picture that bottle of vicodin, and i wonder what will happen when i return to the states in 3 weeks. my "source" has 500 of the poisons ready for me, already paid for. i am tormented wondering if i should pick them up and flush them, or tell the person to "kkep them" (no money back on this)...or do I PICK THEM UP AND KEEP THEM just in case. obviously the last choice is impossible, but soooooo tempting.
the hardest part for me is the mental feeling of "need". i have many difficult business challenges ahead. i come from a high power corporate world, and now am in business for myself, on the (legal) fringes of that world. i look back to a few bad decisions i made and i mull over them everyday, blaming the pills, better said my weakness. the pills made me feel invincible, but nobody is invincible. i made some very costly mistakes as a result, to the tune of 7 figures. now i have new challenges, and even with the past mistakes i am not so sure that i can do it w/o the pills. it is soooo stupid, because i did not start taking pills until i was at the "top", running things just fine, and the pills caved me in. nevertheless, i still feel like i need them.
anyway, i hope someone can relate...i am sure of it.
anyway day 10 is not bad. i do not crave, but i am weak, very weak, and i cannot work out yet, only walk a few blocks. the worst part is that i often in the day picture that bottle of vicodin, and i wonder what will happen when i return to the states in 3 weeks. my "source" has 500 of the poisons ready for me, already paid for. i am tormented wondering if i should pick them up and flush them, or tell the person to "kkep them" (no money back on this)...or do I PICK THEM UP AND KEEP THEM just in case. obviously the last choice is impossible, but soooooo tempting.
the hardest part for me is the mental feeling of "need". i have many difficult business challenges ahead. i come from a high power corporate world, and now am in business for myself, on the (legal) fringes of that world. i look back to a few bad decisions i made and i mull over them everyday, blaming the pills, better said my weakness. the pills made me feel invincible, but nobody is invincible. i made some very costly mistakes as a result, to the tune of 7 figures. now i have new challenges, and even with the past mistakes i am not so sure that i can do it w/o the pills. it is soooo stupid, because i did not start taking pills until i was at the "top", running things just fine, and the pills caved me in. nevertheless, i still feel like i need them.
anyway, i hope someone can relate...i am sure of it.
Chezz.. excuse my ignorance but what is CT?
Sezn, ty hon. I know you're prolly right. Anyway I just wanted some ideas to see if there was a possibility to try em out. Afterall anything is worth a shot.
Thx,
Suzie
Sezn, ty hon. I know you're prolly right. Anyway I just wanted some ideas to see if there was a possibility to try em out. Afterall anything is worth a shot.
Thx,
Suzie
BTW - EVERYONE can relate to the mental tricks we play. From the addict under the bridge, to the CEO who thinks hi is too good and invincible.
Chezz
Chezz
Relate, we can, be sure of that. And as for the 500 vics back home, if they appear to be an option now, I dare say they'll be a fact then. Do yourself a wonderful turn and as soon as at all possible, do what it takes to negate that order. That may sound ludicrous, unworkable, unnecessary, unacceptable. But sometimes those future prospects loom to large and eventually, like stone-eyed automatrons we head down the path we've allowed to become gaping possibilities.
And man, can I relate to your spousal circumstance. My poor wife has no idea (conscious idea, that is) of my withdrawal from drugs (hydro / oxy 4-500mg day)for the last eight months. And we are equally alike in our circumstances of releasing our addiction: I'm involved in the corporate finance community and in most ways things were going fine and I just simply invited the demon back in response to who knows what. I'm thinking more of the initial cause that aided my picking up those pills after kicking a heroine habit many years ago.
It's amazing, Strider that you are in deep S.America. A poster here today revealed he had found a clinic for detox in a certain area and as it turns, that is the very clinic (a very small one) that I started at on Monday. Today is my 3rd day on the journey home and it is being much alleviated by the meds provided me by the clinic. That will end on Friday.
I dread the lethargy that you describe. I know exactly of what you speak and it is just miserable. In my case it is especially so because I have several little children whom I need to pick up, change diapers, play ball -- frankly, everything about my home life demands strength and energy. Yet, I know lethargy will be my constant companion for the weeks to come. But I know it gets better.
And there will come a day in the not so far future when you will be involved in the daily tasks of living a real life of integrity and you will not notice the burden of your body and the pills will seem like acquaintances long faded. When that happens, I've found, watch out! Addiction is sizing me up at all times, just strategizing how to interject itself into my thinking as subtley as possible.
Congratulations on day 10! You are well on your way. Be good to yourself and don't allow undue temptation to chip away at your resolve.
Sean
And man, can I relate to your spousal circumstance. My poor wife has no idea (conscious idea, that is) of my withdrawal from drugs (hydro / oxy 4-500mg day)for the last eight months. And we are equally alike in our circumstances of releasing our addiction: I'm involved in the corporate finance community and in most ways things were going fine and I just simply invited the demon back in response to who knows what. I'm thinking more of the initial cause that aided my picking up those pills after kicking a heroine habit many years ago.
It's amazing, Strider that you are in deep S.America. A poster here today revealed he had found a clinic for detox in a certain area and as it turns, that is the very clinic (a very small one) that I started at on Monday. Today is my 3rd day on the journey home and it is being much alleviated by the meds provided me by the clinic. That will end on Friday.
I dread the lethargy that you describe. I know exactly of what you speak and it is just miserable. In my case it is especially so because I have several little children whom I need to pick up, change diapers, play ball -- frankly, everything about my home life demands strength and energy. Yet, I know lethargy will be my constant companion for the weeks to come. But I know it gets better.
And there will come a day in the not so far future when you will be involved in the daily tasks of living a real life of integrity and you will not notice the burden of your body and the pills will seem like acquaintances long faded. When that happens, I've found, watch out! Addiction is sizing me up at all times, just strategizing how to interject itself into my thinking as subtley as possible.
Congratulations on day 10! You are well on your way. Be good to yourself and don't allow undue temptation to chip away at your resolve.
Sean
Strider,
DO NOT pick them up. You will feel so much better. I know you will lose your money, but 10 days is a great stretch.
DO NOT pick them up. You will feel so much better. I know you will lose your money, but 10 days is a great stretch.
uf doesnt stand for the university of fl does it?
anyway..thx for the advice. Any more ideas on tapering????????????????????? techniques...etc. pleaes tell me people...I dont have anyone to hold it for me. So if anyone else has any great ideas please tell me.
I've already used the stadol like 10 times and once would have been enough to hold me over.
Ty
Suzie
anyway..thx for the advice. Any more ideas on tapering????????????????????? techniques...etc. pleaes tell me people...I dont have anyone to hold it for me. So if anyone else has any great ideas please tell me.
I've already used the stadol like 10 times and once would have been enough to hold me over.
Ty
Suzie
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