Xanax and me.

[my_mayberry]

It's been a long time since I've posted here. I've been several years clean from barbiturates and a few years clean from benzodiazepines. The hardest to kick by far were the barbiturates because I WANTED them, whereas the barbiturates became physically addicting. I don't fear benzodiazepines like the barbiturates insomuch as I've used them as intended without feeling compelled to use them in any other way. In short, I don't engage in "drug-seeking behavior" with them. Well I've stayed away from them only because I become physically addicted so quickly in the sense that I get rebound anxiety, funky body stuff, etc. even after short term use on very low doses. It's really quite strange because the doses really are very low. Well the past few nights (5, to be exact) if used Xanax at a low dose to help calm anxiety over my moms health issues. It's worked, but tonight I'm already feeling like I'm going to lose my mind and I recognize THIS anxiety is no longer my own - it's now the drug. So I've not taken any tonight. No need to warn me about tapers...I know all about them and after only 5 days of taking Xanax at a low dose, there's simply not even a taper to be done. My question here is this--I have lived my life with OCD and GAD. Anxiety knows me quite well. Yet most of the time, I function well on my SSRI and mindfulness exercises. However, in times where I need an anxiety med, I feel like Xanax betrays me so fast. I'm seeking advice from others who struggle with both addiction and real anxiety disorders -- what do you use that helps, if anything, without causing you a great deal of grief? I'm wondering about longer acting benzodiazepines but also about vistaril. My goal is short term use when needed with lower chance of such a quick physical dependency developing. Again, I know all about the drugs from the standpoint of half-life, etc. What I'm more interested in is what works for others who struggle with addiction that seems to not cause you great grief? Even non-pharmacological ideas are welcomed here. Thanks!

[Trissy32]

I'm very sorry I know the feeling I too struggle with anxiety major depression an PTSD I have heat papataions an etc skin crawls an nausea it's bad I can tell you visterial never helped me nothn did but xanax which I'm off those now it's hard not to take them thou cause I struggle with these symptoms an much more daily marijauna is the only thing helps ease mine now hope u feel better soon

[dominosarah]

Hi MM!!  I just saw your thread now.  I am really happy to see you, just not the issues you are having.  I hope you are feeling better along with your mom.  I am no help on this one as i am one of the lucky ones who doesnt experience anxiety.  As Clean said, dont take the lack of responses personal.  The site has changed and she explained it perfectly.  You have been missed my friend~

[clean_in_ks]

Hi MM....I'm glad you posted.
Where to start?
First....I am so sorry your Mom is going thru health issues that are causing you such anxiety.
Second....this forum.  That's a sad sad subject.  Please don't take it personal.  Since MH sold out to new owners, NOTHING has been the same.  The activity and replies are HORRID!  So is this new format they dreamed up.  We have no way to interact with friends like we used to since they eliminated our Friends Feed.  That was a HUGE BLOW to all of us!!  Slowly over time, more and more people have not been finding what they needed by using this forum and have gone elsewhere.  A LOT of people left and even those who used to post daily don't do so anymore.  So it isn't YOU or what you post.  It's just the result of new ownership and the changes they made.  It grieves my heart♥
Third...to answer your question in your post, I personally have had a few seasons in my life where GAD was diagnosed.  I don't currently deal with it on a daily basis, but wanted to share what has helped me in the past (these are NON-pharmaceutical only).
Of course, since you are on a SSRI, you would need to be sure there are no contraindications with any of these (and any other pharmaceutical you might be on).
L-Theanine is an amino acid that works much like valium yet is non-addictive.
Calms Forte is a homeopathic med made by the same company (Hyland's) that makes the restless leg med we suggest a lot on this forum.  It is touted as a sleep aid, but I found it very useful for anxiety and stress.
Several essential oils are HIGHLY beneficial for anxiety.  You can put them in a diffuser and let them fill a room in your home.  
Lavender:  reduces anxiety and emotional stress, improves sleep, alleviates headaches and many more issues.
Vanilla:  an antioxidant, antidepressant, sedative, tranquilizing and relaxing substance, anticarcinogenic, and many more benefits.
CBD from Hemp is legal in all 50 states.  It has NO psychoactive effects whatsoever and is even safe for children.  It is being successfully used for anxiety and many other medical issues.  It is always recommended to make sure lab tests are available and have been done by the place you purchase the CBD.
Hope this helps you MM.....and I hope your Mom's health issues improve, too♥

[my_mayberry]

I think this was my final post here. Nearly 10 years between this profile and my first one and I feel the time is right to quit revisiting. Guess it's time to move along and let go. Best wishes to those new to fighting the fight and those who keep fighting the fight.

[10356]

Hi My My_Mayberry.. The Question you asked is kinda Particular and you wanted experience from a addict and someone who suffers from True anxiety. I did not know what you meant by true anxiety.. I'm sorry to read your mom is sick I know how much it s*ucks to go thru sickness but what you are asking is kinda hard on a addiction forum. I would recommend cannabis not pharmaceuticals but this is a addiction forum so I stayed quiet. I would also say that, No excuse to use is valid except you suffer from true anxiety, I do not think I do but thru the transplant drugs I now have some form but true Anxiety I do not know. Maybe you can see the hesitancy to say something. I do wish your mom and you well. I have always read your advice to others and found it solid. I missed you when you left the last time till now and I suppose I will be missing you again. Thank you My_mayberry for all the support weather you knew it our not. I wish you well and send prayers for your Mom. lesa

[10356]

I meant to say real as you did but True must have stuck in my head as I know peps with Anxiety Disorder.. I always thought of it as True because it is diagnosed where real anxiety We all think it is real when happening to us.. Needed to clarify as my anxiety is playing havoc over this miscommunication..

[my_mayberry]

I apologize in advance for all the word errors...my iphone loves to creatively autocorrect :(