Xanax and meth abuse

[Medheaddeadhead]

I started taking Xanax recreationally about 4 years ago now and would take 4x2mg tabs 4 times a day at my peak along with smoking weed as well. I would also drink sometimes as it would make me feel really good, I was totally unaware or ignorant about any long term effects and thought addiction was for pussys. I eventually got over pot although I had been smoking pot for many years prior to trying Xanax, I somehow started to prefer Xanax, it made me indestructible and I could achieve so many great things even though some might say they were immoral or just plain evil, but I think that is who I was before anyway and pot just subdued that evil nature a lot. So anyway I then eventually came across meth and started smoking it everyday for about 8 months and that's when things turned really ugly, I started stealing, lying, destroyed my mothers house and I saw what I had become, so I ended everything. I've been off meth for almost a year and the benzos tapered off and now totally off for 2 months. But I just don't feel the same as I did before I started everything, and am wondering if anyone has been through something like this or if they know it will get better, or if I should maybe just start taking benzos again but control myself so I can try live a normal life and get things done instead of being depressed all the time? Suggestions anyone?
Thanks.

[OxyTired]

I got into a Benzo abuse spiral around 15 years ago, and it took me two years to come out of the fog. The anxiety was with me 24/7 getting clean from them, couldn't even eat in a restaurant.
During my last round of drug abuse, oxycodone, I was still very afraid of Benzos.
Like Gnarly said, it takes awhile to get back to normal. But staying clean is the only way back. Ideas about "controlling" it to stay normal are the drug's whisperings to your addict mind trying to lure you back-total bs in my opinion. My addict inner voice tries the same story on me, when I don't feel the best. I am learning to accept that some days I feel low and that's human.

[gnarly_1]

Hi ...well i detox off of benzo's 17 mo ago and it s ucked there a ruff detox I was stricken with anxiety and could not sleep I also had that benzo ''fog''...... it took a good 8 weeks to start to feel better a taper helps but benzo addiction can keep  you down for some time  good luck to ya just know in the end it is so so worth it.............Gnarly

[nursegirl6572]

CONGRATS on your clean time, way to go!

Using these kinds of drugs can really mess with your brain chemistry, and that takes a while to heal.  Did you have any preexisting anxiety or depression issues?  If so, that's likely what you're experiencing now, because when you self medicate away those symptoms for so long, when you finally get clean, they reemerge, sometimes worse than before.  If you didn't have those things to start, it's very possible that the drug use could have cause these kinds of symptoms.

" or if I should maybe just start taking benzos again but control myself so I can try live a normal life and get things done instead of being depressed all the time?"

Absolutely positively a HORRIBLE idea.  I'm sure you can imagine how many addicts tried to resume their prior DOC, and "control themselves" ended up right back at square one right?  It's not even a slight possibility.  There's no "control" with addiction.  

Not to mention, you describe depressive symptoms, which benzos would actually make worse.  Benzos will exacerbate symptoms of depression, they wouldn't be indicated at all.  

If you're feeling depressed, then go in and talk to your doctor to see what kinds of options there are that make sense for you to try.  Obviously, you're going to want to stay away from anything habit forming, so make sure your doc(s) are aware of your history.  You may end up deciding to try an antidepressant, there are many out there.  Therapy would also be something I'd strongly urge you to try.

Very best of luck to you, keep us updated!