addicted to oxycodone.

[cblondien]

My name is Cortney, I'm 20 years old, and from the eastern kentucky area. If you didn't know, oxycodone runs rampid in this area, i mean people go to florida left and right to hit up those pain clinics. Anyways, I'm addicted to this horrible drug, and its hell. I mean, even when I'm high off of them, i don't really even enjoy it. I'm just so afraid to detox from it (  i know that sounds stupid, but i've been through many bad dt's ) and of course, even when I am clean -- i crave it more than anything. Plus, i'm not in the situation where I can just lay around for ten days. I work two jobs now to support my mother and myself and I need money. I've tried quitting about 20 times now, and the longest i've been clean in the past year and 3 months would be 3 months. I've had little bouts of being sober, but nothing lasting longer than a month. I need advice, or atleast someone to talk to... I take atleast 90 mgs a day, which seems like a lot to me because I do 30's. so I'm doing atleast 3 pills a day. one almost the second i wake up, and the two through out the day. I would really like advice, and support because I want more than anything to be clean. Also, it's really depressing that all of the suboxone clinics around this area have atleast a 3 month waiting list, and are 1000.00. and it's also really depressing that anywhere you go around here, everyone is on them. Anyways, any input would be fantastic. ps. sorry if any grammar is incorrect, its pretty early for me.

-cortney-

[modivation]

Day 5 of tappering off the sauce. I got hurt in two car accidents and the hospital gave me ibuprofin that did nothing for the pain. Being a veteran and having ptsd from service in Iraq probably kept them from doing so. I began self medicating with this evil substance and got up to 60mg a day. I have a beautiful home and a loving wife who I deeply care about and doesn't know so far. I am very ashamed to have let it gone this far. I made a huge mistake and I am paying for it. I have an extreme amount of self discipline and modivation. The best thing is to tapper off slowly if you can do it. I am still in pain but I would rather live a pain filled life than a drug induced death. There is no excuse for my behavior, I got myself into this mess and I will get myself out. Reading these forums help a lot. To know I am not alone and other people screwed up just as bad as me. I am in day 5 of tappering and it is a lot brighter than day one. There is light at the end of the tunnel you just have to take it one day at a time. It does get a whole lot better after day four, drink lots of water! I cannot stress that enough! I am very grateful for my military training, even though my service is over I am still using it to stay modivated and not relaps. Take the hard right over the easy wrong. Whatever you do don't quit and do not give up. I survived bullets and bombs and put peices of good friends in body bags. It is extremely hard to get off the stuff but I am determined to do so and I will. Bottom line, no one can **** on this determination. I hope that people who read this use me as an example, if I can do it you can too and you will but you really have to want it bad. I will p.t. until my ******* heart explodes instead of relapsing. I have a long road of tappering over a period of several more days but I know day ten I will be very close to not taking anything at all. I look forward to my first day of total sobriety. Keeping that goal in mind, and the though of waking up next to my wife tomorrow morning is what keeps me going. I hope everyone who is suffering from this problem acheives the same level of success as I have. I will make it, and yes I do go to therapy over the putting peices of people in body bags and shooting at Iraqis in the night.

[ochooked]

Hi Courtney -- Welcome to the forum- -  You are at the right place -- you will get help and encouragement here.  There are several things you can do if you really are serious about quitting.   It is not easy but many on this site have quit -- a lot of them were just like you and thought they didn't have the strength to quit.  Here are some pointers --   You can not / must not depend on your will power alone to get you through this -- you will fail every time.   To be successful, you will need to cut off your supply -- tell everyone who supplies you that you are quitting and not to give you or sell you any more ---  think you can do that???  Next, Set a quit date and prepare for it -- no putting it off.  Then get some help -- tell your friends what you are doing and why.  Can you do that too?  Or is it too embarrassing?   Then find your closest friend/confidant and become accountable to them to help you through the W/D's -- Next find a meeting  NA if possible or AA if na is not available in your area.  As one of our members said recently -- "When your desire to be clean is greater than your desire to use, then you will get clean"  Let's just hope you make that decision sooner rather than later.  Hey, wishing you all the best.

[snowflake620]

Withdrawals are the price we pay for our DOC sometimes our fear from w/d are a;ot worse than the actual w/d have you tried the Thomas recipie and amino acid protocol while going through w/d's they really do help and will lessen the severity of the symptons.If you want to get clean you can you just have to want it bad enough, good luck to you and keep posting everyone here is very helpfull and will stay with you every step of the way to help you get clean.
snowflake

[newmanagment]

Cortney, ima cocaine addict, and I know how ya feel bout everyone else doin em. All my friends do coke, and the first thing I hadta do wuz distance myself from em. course I dint have ta worry bout the withdraw, but the mental addiction of coke is terrible. so ya have to go thru the w/d's, but ya can make that with help on this forum. check out the health pages in the upper left of this screen. It has tons of help there, pay close attention to the thomas recipe, it can help ya past the w/d's. im no pill addict, but mosta my friends here are so i know a lil. but addiction i do know, only too well. ya gotta get a positive mindset, and ya need to realize ya are 20 and want a betta life, this will help keep ya willpower up. ya can go to AA/NA, meetings help alot of us to get past the worst of it. but in reality, only YOU can make yourself quit. so get ready to fight wit all ya heart, cuz it is a battle that needs to be won. keep postin, and I will help ya all i can :)

[worried878]

at ur dose u could ct or taper...if ur pills r extended relese then u may need sumpin else other than the 30s to taper with if u go that route...have u read up on the thomas reipe and tapering in the health pages?