addicted to speed

[coco7]

This is my first time on the forum.  I have been denying this for years.  I have an addictive personality...my mother is an alcoholic.  So was my grandmother.  Alcohol was never the issue for me...actually drugs were never an issue for me until about 4 or 5 years ago when I met my boyfriend (that sounds horrible - it wasn't his fault).  He has legitimate adhd and takes dexamphetamine for it...i remember taking one little 5 mg for the first time so long ago and feeling so great.  It lasted all day.  I had never felt more talkative, pretty, outgoing, energized....but I didn't really need it.  Then I took it once in a while if I had to stay up for a paper or something (I was in college at the time).  Would take his or take whoever's...others took it too.  I guess the last 2 years it has become a horrible problem.  We live together and I don't know what it is...I just can't help myself.  He drug tested me once, he even bought a safe, I feel like I have let him down SO much but he loves me so he forgives me.  I don't want to do this to him OR to myself but I don't know how to stop.  I have a prescription for adderall now and I can't take the prescribed dose (20 mg/day) because it does absolutely nothing for me.  So it is gone in a week.  How can I stop this?  In every other part of my life I am completely normal...it's like my big secret.  It's horrible...I want to stop I just don't know how.

[1Soprano]

Hi and welcome. I am brand new too and do not wrestle with speed but am a hydro addict. I understand how you feel- when I take hydro I feel the same- energetic, pretty, funny and generally "happy." I am currently trying to varying degrees of success to fight my demon as well. I think a big part of it is realizing that all of those attributes already lie inside you- the drugs just give you the excuse and encouragement to let them out. Trust yourself that you have all of the tools to be all of those things and MORE w/o the speed. I know easier said than done but I hope this is of some encouragement. I will be here praying for you.

[SHESHEBELTAGY]

DID YOU GO ONLINE AND LOOK UP SOME INFORMATION ON THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE MEDS. THEY SHOULD ALSO LIST WHAT YOU CAN DO TO STOP THE WITHDRAWS. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR AND TELL THE TRUTH AND ASK FOR HELP. YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN ASKING FOR HELP AND SUPPORT SO WHY NOT FROM YOU DOCTOR THE TRUTH IS VERY REWARDING. THERE WILL BE NO MORE STRESS BECAUSE OF THE LIES AND ADDICTION. THERE IS ALOT OF INFORMATION OUT THERE AND ALOT OF HELPERS IIF YOU JUST ASK