addiction

[addicted315]

Please anyone that has been addicted to crack please I need someone to talk to

[CATUF]

i guess i left off the second half - - -

i went to a 28 day rehab and came home rested and feeling and looking much better -- i had actually gained 30 pounds in 30 days.  

i felt lucky to have been saved from an awful end, and i never wanted to go back to that hell again . . . . but i needed to use one more time, just once . . . i needed to use one last time, knowing it was my last time . . . and so i did.

five months later i was off to my second rehab . . .  i had used "one more time" alright . . . it started in january and ended in june.  

like it always is when we go back out . . . it gets worse.  so, by the time i showed up at rehab two it was not pretty.  every aspect of "my life" had been seriously damaged.  financially i pretty much ruined myself, running through not just every penny i had, but going into substantial debt all in the name of buying crack

i stayed at the second rehab for four months.

CATUF

[trdofbeingtrd]

Crack is nasty only because of how bad you actually get hooked. People can be addicted to a drug, but when you become addicted to crack, you go a lot further a lot faster trying to get the drug and stay high than with most.

What is it you need help with?

Drug addiction is drug addiction, even if it's a different drug than what others are on.

[CATUF]

i was at the wrong end of a 8 year opiate addiction that had escalated to 35-40 tabs (10's) a day.  all i knew then was that i needed to use.  i didn't get much in the way of a high anymore, but i needed to use to function.  i needed to use so that i didn't get sick as a pig.  

waiting until tomorrow was never an option. i had to use all day, every day just to be ok.

i had tried so many times to quit that i had pretty much given up.  it wasn't worth it.  i'd be so sick i'd want to die for days, then i'd feel like some kind of zombie for weeks, then i'd finally start to feel good . . . but i'd always use again.  there would come a time (usually about a month out) when i "needed" to use . . . just a little, and just once, but i needed to use , , , and then i'd find myself not long later asking "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN (again)?" because i'd be right back where i was, but worse

i had discovered that using powder would get me through a day or two with no tabs, so if i hit a dry spot i'd find some powder.  one day there was no tabs, no powder, no nothing.  there was nothing.  nothing, nothing, nothing.  except, "some rock."  some guys that always helped me locate tabs, and powder if needed, kept saying "there's plenty of rock . . . why don't you try some rock."

i had a vague notion that trying some rock wasn't a good thing,  but the more my joints seized up, the more i started to break out in that sweat, the sicker and sicker i got, the less of a bad idea it seemed . . . what the H . . . gotta do something

and so i hit the stem for the first time.  it was like getting hit by a freight train and i loved it.  i immediately was fine without my pills.  i just didn't need them :)  i was cured!!

well, except for the fact that i couldn't put the stem down.  moving to crack when i was in late stage addiction was like pouring gas on hot coals . . . i took off like a rocket.  suddenly, what i did all day, every day was smoke crack . . . i still had all these pills coming in and i would use a few to come down at night, but a day's supply suddenly lasted two weeks.

i had this notion that it was a good thing, a way to get off and stay off the pills.  i told myself that there was no way i would just stay on the crack because, as i said out loud to myself, "this is unsustainable."

given how far gone i was when i started, it didn't take me long to burn it to the bottom.  after a run of just over 3 months, i was at the bottom of the barrel . . . i looked like the worst someone out of a concentration camp . . . a skeleton with gray skin stretch over bones . . .

but i didn't want to quit . . .  what i wanted was a good bell-ringer . . . there was nothing like that first bell ringer in the morning . . .

i've now been stem-free 2,145 days and i live in a world that is better that anything i thought possible before i found recovery.  not just better than life in active addiction, but better than anything i ever had or even suspected was possible.

if i can find recovery, ANYONE can find recovery. i was a damn mess and i took it all the way to the end of the rope.  

recovery is there for you if you want it.

recovery is there for you if you don't want it, but you're willing to want it.

recovery is there for you if you don't want it, and you're not willing to want it, but you're willing to become willing to become willing to want it.


CATUF

[GMcp]

i did crack alot when i was doing heroin but never had a problem stoping i just did it for fun before i did the down, it was kinda just a quick rush, but i did it for 2 years and have not touched it for 9 so if i can help let me know what you need help with <3

[Baker3336]

Sorry I can't help ya with that, I was into opiates. Sometimes Friday nights and weekends can be slow around here. Stick around someone will be able to talk to ya about it eventually. But what are your questions. You might get some responses if ya give a little more info..