addiction

[Teri9498]

Is it even possible to help someone who won't help themselves?  I thought my husband was tapering and was almost to the end, then I find out he has been getting pills all along.  I don't know what to do, he says that he gets stressed out and that is what makes him do it.  Is it even possible for someone like that to stop?

[lulu747]

Teri...
Oh honey...I am sorry.  You are fighting so hard for your sobriety and i know this must be so hard.  The thing is, you understand what addiction is and so you understand that the addict has to want to be clean more than anything else.  All you can really do is stay your course, get clean and protect your sobriety at all costs.  You need to do what you have to for yourself and your children.  The truth is, if your husband is doing this for you-it won't work.  He has to do it for himself.  Also, most addicts can't taper.  If there are pills they will take them. Are you getting any counselling or going to meetings?  This is crucial for dealing with addiction and learning how to live sober.  You need sober support right now.  The best way for you to help your husband is to take good care of yourself and stick to your guns.  

My heart goes out to you, doll...
Sending support...
Lu

[eaw102]

Hi teri9498 my story is pretty similar in that my boyfriend admitted only last week he was addicted to heroin. He had been doing it for 2 and a half years behind my back. If it hadnt got to the stage where i knew in my tummy something was up, keep popping to shop when there was no need, had to get out couldnt settle, ruined 2 holidays because he slept through first 3 days then he wouldnt have admitted it. He thought he was hiding it well. As you know a womans instinct is strong and you just know something isnt right.
My bf broke down and admitted he needs help...thank god, and i also am going to stand by and support him...if i can, im not sure, im going through some horrible emotions at the moment too, and he starts his detox wednesday!  I love him so much also and the lies do make you feel resentment, i know im feeling it now. But i feel he does have to get to that point before you can help him. Involving your son though WOW thats just a big no no. I have 2 kids and honestly for me if they even knew or was brought into this i would be out the door! but thats just my opinion.
I hope your ok today and good luck.

[Teri9498]

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments, I'm so sorry about your brother, howlingshadow.  I've been addicted also but I have been tapering methadone, I was on 80mg in Aug. last year and now I'm on 7.5mg.  See I have the pills here and I never ever take anymore than my dose no matter what, because I want off them so bad.  If I could stop today I would, but with methadone u have to taper, anyway, I've also been giving them to him to taper and thought he was doing so good I thought I had him down to 10mg.  I keep them in my purse and take my purse every where with me so he can't get to them, then I thought he has been acting weird nodding off when he's talking to me and stuff and he tells me I'm just tired.  Well last night I find out he has been having my son sneak them for him.  Isn't that just so SICK!!!!!  I don't know what to do- I'm so ready to just leave.  I just can't live like this anymore.  I love him so much but I can only do so much.  All he does is lie!  I hate pills so BAD!!!!!

[howlingshadow]

Hi there, I lost my brother last March due to addiction, loratab, xanax, among other things... and I wanted to save him I felt like it was my fault for the longest time and I still cry about it. Yes he was in pain, ulcerative collitis.. but he could have controled it with other meds designed to help him. You have to know that its nothing to do with you, its his deal. I was addicted to Tramadol of all things but I realized it and I wanted to quit. My inspiration was my little boy, he didnt need a mom that was dependant on her meds to get her through the day planning her world around her meds. Pain or no pain I am better off. Maybe you could use some sort of inspiration like that I dont know if you have kids or not. Another thing, it will always be some sort of excuse, stress, pain, I had a bad day it doesnt matter those are excuses. Been there said those.

[lal757]

       Sounds like he is a addict and addicts will lie, cheat, and decieve to get drugs if he is not ready to quit then you cannot do anything for him till he is ready to quit.

[downandout1982]

I agree with lost no more but I want to add that your support and understanding will only help him if you are agressive and make him feel too bad he might pull away and it could make the decision to quit harder for him. Quitting is a hard decision to make and for me when I would get super stressed or was having problems is when I found that I started abusing my pain meds. That was nobody's fault but my own, and i am making no excuses for my problem. I made the decision to quit even when my husband wanted me to keep taking them, it just made it a lot easier when he started being supportive. Best wishes.

[lostmakeupgirl]

Teri, I have been there and it is true your husband has to want to quit. I made excuses for a long time.... I'm two days it cold turkey I know the "taper" way is not for me I think its wonderful you care he has something great many of us hope for! I'm going it alone so the fact that you want to help is refreshing to me and made me smile for the first time in two long miserable days!

[LostNoMore]

Hi Teri. Welcome. Your husband has to want to stop. No one can make him.
Not you, not anyone. He has to want to be clean more than he wants to be high. I can't tell you what to do. I would suggest you seek out Alanon. They can give you some direction. Good luck. I know you're hurting. Just remember that addiction is a very powerful disease. Your husband is sick.
But he has to want to get well.