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addictive behavior

My son is a 21 yr old college junior. He has started on a destructive path. In 3mos he has been arrested for graffita twice and once for attempting to purchase vicodin with a forged prescription. He has developed an incredible hard edge and no longer seems like the same person. I need a program to get him help. He denies drug use and claims he can stop the graffita anytime. Despite his claims his second graffita arrest occured while on probation for the first one. Additionally he was scheduled to work in a co-op job for school credits and blew it off. He denies all problems and has a million excuses. Need some input.
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52704 tn?1387020797
Forging scripts is pretty far gone as far as addictive behavior goes.  It usually doesn't happen before the person has reached the point where perceived need for their drug has reached do-or-die status in their mind.  If someone's forging scripts, it's a pretty sure bet that they've long been buying from other sources and stealing from wherever.

As far as his denials, YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM.  If he's in active addiction he will lie about it (dogs bark, fish swim and addicts lie).  Most addict are very good about the lies, at least up until the point where EVERYTHING just comes crashing down on them.  You son may be honest about everything else, but if he's an addict he'll lie about that and about anything deemed necessary to continue using without interference from anyone.  When I was in active addiction I could have looked the Pope straight in the eye and told him "Father, I'm fine - I wouldn't think of touching drugs.  My only problem is that I have so much work to do."  And I would have convinced him.

My wife learned first hand what a good liar I was about using.  She now knows that she can only trust me about whether or not I'm using as long as I'm not using.  For that reason, I am take frequent but random drug screens at home.  Whenever she says "pee in a cup," I say "thank you" and do it, immediately.  

I have 4 kids, with the oldest finishing his 1st year of college.  If one of them was exhibiting the behaviors you describe, there'd be two of us peeing in a cup and drug rehab would be in his near future if he was dirty for anything harder than reefer.  (Not to condone the evil weed, I just don't think it presents the same dangers and need for professional intervention as drugs like opiates, speed, coke, etc.).

I think that even if rehab didn't seem necessary, some substantive professional counseling would.  Those really are some troubling behaviors you described and they would be best left behind with his 21st year.

If it turns out that he in fact does have a serious drug problem:
1)  Don't give up on him. No matter how bad it seems, it's not hopeless.  Two years ago I seemed pretty hopeless and it looked like there were only two possiblities that defined my short term future: death or being locked up (I was most in favor of the former) and I was literally as close as one can get to both.  However, after 4 months of residential rehab and 19 months of making sustained Recovery the most important thing in my life, I now doing better mentally, emotionally and spiritually than EVER before in my life.  Physically I'm in better shape than at any time since I got out of the Marines, but I must admit to some about how well I'd do against the me that graduated from Parris Island almost 30 years ago.

2)  Don't treat him as if he's bad or worthless, etc.  Addicts already feel enough shame anyway.  That doesn't help AT ALL and it does do damage.  Besides, it's unfair and inaccurate.  Everyone in active addiction is in over their head and despite their best efforts they are failing to keep it under control (or failing to stop).  It really is a life of misery mixed with self-deception.  Try and treat him as if he were sick, because if he's in active addiction he is whether he knows it or not.  

3)  Don't believe anyone who tells you that there's nothing you can do "until he wants to quit."  That is PURE BULL.  The rates of sustained recovery for those who want treatment are EXACTLY THE SAME as for those who are forced into treatment.  I am a prime example of someone who was forced into Recovery - I absolutely didn't want it.  Thank God my wife refused to listen to the MANY voice who said "he has to want it."  Here response was "it doesn't matter what HE wants - he's not in any condition to know WHAT he wants.  He needs someone who is capable of making this decision to make it for him."  

4) Don't think for a second that it's your fault - it isn't - or that this means you failed your son - it doesn't.  You might try going to Alanon meetings.  There will be lots of folks there with YEARS of experience in dealing things just like this.  NA has a similar sister-program (Narcanon?), but I'm just more AA focused in my Recovery.  Also, Narcanon meetings are usually fewer and farther between than Alanon meetings.

Good Luck - `
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Avatar universal
narconon is like a school for kids to learn about drugs in the uk,,naranon is a 12 step program for families dealing with addiction
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