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[mary_2012]

I was given Fentanal during a hospital visit . The purpose was to help pain control due to pancreatitus.Its been 6 months now and I am home. still on the fentanal at 25 mg again... when they attempted to take me to 12.5 mg.. all my symptoms of  pancreatitus came back..I take offence that you use the word abuse... when I'm the one who wants off this, never asked to be on it...and yet you call it substance abuse...and yes.. its been pure Hell trying to be normal , keep my job, when I wasn't the one who ordered this.... and the pancreatitus was due to a closed valve between the liver and pancreaus... Never before have I been addicted to any substance.. and I don't drink alchol... so what do you have to say about this?

[bama88]

ah rhe magic words Mary....yes your angry you got sick...i did and am too. even tho i don't have your illness i have really bad knees at 41....and now doctors are pushing disability on me. ugh. i hate that word...disabled. so i totally get your emotions. and your illness is a serious one....i will pray for you only if  you want....im so ssorry you are going thru this....its scarey emotional sometimes you or at least i wonder why me lord why me...i get sad mad and overwhelmed....i didn't ask for this....and so forth...im always around if you want to tAlk.

[scaredmommy2005]

Im always here if you need to talk. I check my inbox throughout the day and I would be happy to be the ear that listens.

[mary_2012]

Thanks....

[scaredmommy2005]

Why would that make you feel as though you failed? You have not failed dear, Not even close to failure.

Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose; this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~Mary Pickford

[mary_2012]

and no one told me I was an addict..... I wander if I fear of becoming an addict... this past week when they dropped me down to the lowest dose.. I couldn't cope with the pain.. my whole body felt wrong, and I felt like I failed...

[mary_2012]

I hear what your saying.. No I don't abuse this med.... I take it just like they prescribe.... I believe I'm angry that I got sick, and I'm always reassured that it wasn't my fault, IT JUST HAPPENED they say.... but as of yesterday they're talking pain clinic to get me off this.... and I read the word abuse tonight on this sight...... well maybe I'm more of a mess emotionally then what I want to believe...This has been a long drawn out illness and I wish it on no one...I do appreciate your insight.... You hit the right thing I needed to hear. Thank you

[lulu747]

Hi Mary and Welcome...
I hear you...
I was on Fentanyl post-op (50 mcg) plus breakthrough for 8 months. I had been on many other opiates previously for chronic illness and pain.   I felt terrible, weepy, nauseated, and was completely unproductive.  I switched to another opiate before I realized that my life was out of control, and I was no longer just treating physical pain...But emotional pain also.  I realized I had a huge problem and I wanted my life back.  I fought hard to find a doctor who would listen to me and believe in me.  I came up with a non-narcotic pain management plan.  I reached out for support everywhere that I could.  I am three months opiate free, and I manage my pain in a holistic way.  It took detoxing off opiates and a lot of self-examination before I realized I was an addict.  It has not been any easy journey, but it is so worth it.  There is no comparison in my quality of life.  I am restored to myself.

It's a balancing act-and no one can tell you what is right for you.  I can tell you that withdrawal, which it sounds like you are experiencing due to tolerance, can make your pain sensors fire more frequently.  I would speak with your doctor about switching to another opiate that is easier to taper off of, and makes you more comfortable.  If you are not addicted and can come off it slowly, and manage your pain in a non-narcotic way, then your quality of life will vastly improve.  Ultimately, it is your body, and your life, and you deserve to be happy.

Sending support...
Lu

[scaredmommy2005]

I know those feelings all to well. I was forced to leave high school and I had appointments all the time. I honestly think sometimes that even though I am a vicodin addict now at the age of 25, I was really screwed from the gate being put on all that medication at such a young age. I actually had more medication at that time then my grandparents even have now. I also have worked for a pain management Doctor and been to 2 of them over the years, While I do understand that it is costly and another appointment you will have to go to and pay for and miss work for they actually can help you. They may know something that would treat your pain better that you would be happier with. I have seen patients be taken off that medication and felt so much better physically and mentally. I do recall that unexplainable feeling you have while the patch is on. mine was I would feel sick, dizzy and then SO emotional to add to it. Its ok if you are upset. We all understand that and a lot of us like me included are drug abusers but we didnt start out that way. I cant imagine the pain you are in. I suffer from Endometriosis, PCOS and Chronic PID. I am hoping that I never have to get back on medication again but only time will tell... Feel free to vent we will all be here to offer suport and listen.

[bama88]

first off there's a huge difference between abuse and pain control. abuse would be what i did..if my doctor wrote a script for pills and said take 1-2 every eight hours..i took 4-5 every four to six hours. or lets say i had patches....id put two or more on at the same time...see the difference? wanting off but needing the patch is another story.

just because you need pain control doesn't mean your an addict.  big difference....addicts need pain meds for one reason..to get high. we want and like to get high. we lie steal and do wrong things to get high.

its your choice to get off the meds.. i understand that. but you have a disease that requires you to take meds for quality of life...laying in agony is not doing you or your family any good. its wonderful you want off. but you've got to think about your quality of life first...when i abused i chased pills...like a second job. i worked for pills. and barely kept my bills paid. i don't classify you as an addict. i classify you as a pain patient.....who told you you were an addict?   but i hope this post helps you

[mary_2012]

I appreciate your thoughts...... I guess maybe I'm just doing the poor me act.... I just can't help my thoughts that keep saying everytime I leave a Dr. appt... I didn't sign up for this... It's costly for me... and about half way threw the 72 hour patch change I start feeling strange... I can't explain... then I just get so tired and achy...I have not completed a 40 hour work week since Sept... Its been six months of this roller coaster.... and now there talking a pain clinic.. which means another appt., more money ,another prescription..... I can't keep up with all this... I feel like my grandparents with all this medicine. the dosages, time to take when not to take.... I am so confused sometimes and I'm way to young ... I ask was and is all this necessary....

[sandstone27]

Lets try this again...

Hi Mary,

I've read your post and I'm not sure who you are directing your question to.
You seem upset, but I'm not sure why as this is your first post on this forum.  Maybe you could give us a little more background so we can give you some answers.  

[sandstone27]

Hi Mary,

[scaredmommy2005]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was on that when I was 15 but the 75 mg patch. they kept me on it for 3 years along with the ACTIQ sucker for break through pain. It was horrible getting off of those medications. I was later told that they are not meant for people who are not terminally ill. I wish you nothing but the best.