afraid of depression with w/d and not enouph support

[joyagain]

I posted last night and really need some support.  I want to go to aa/na meetings for recovery care but cannot r/t the small community of which I live and I am somewhat well known and work as a nurse at the local hospital.  As I mentioned in my previous post, I did seek out a private counseling session, but all I got was the Good Book thrown at me.  I need that, but I think what I really need is an addiction counselor.  None in town that takes my insurance.  I do have some issues as stated in my previous post from last night.  I really think I need alot of help, I'm so frustrated. It seems I do not have the time or the money to fight this and that na/aa are becoming my only hope.  Does anybody have to drive 1.5 hrs to get to their meetings?  Is that even really a practical solution?  I feel that If I could have gone to one yesterday I would not have been as panick stricken as I was yesterday as stated in last nights post.  pleas read!!!  Thanks everyone

[Danny111]

Coming here and posting and reading posts is a great way to start.  You'll be able to do it.  Keep coming

[joyagain]

sorry to mislead all of you..... I am a believer, and like to be with people who are believers as well.  I have my own private prayer life and certainly my addiction has hurt my relationship with Him for sure, but I know He is there for me, I know the scriptures, I know what I am supposed to be doing and not doing.  It's just that it was too intense with the religious counselor for me right now.  I have things to work through and God and prayer will help me if I ask, but I need skills or people to talk to who will keep my secret and chear me on because they know how hard this is.  Thank you to all who are supporting my posts.  You guys are great!!  I have planted the grapes outside my sons room, hooked up the watering system.  I have taken one tramadol and an 800mg motrin.(I had a root canal monday that was just awful) I have not taken any vicodin as of yet today.  Plan on taking some around 2:30, but normally I take them first thing in the morning which leads me to 8 total at end of day.  Hopefully this taper(?) plan will work for me although it really isn't.  I still want my next refill, just have to ration the vicodin I have left.  I panicked yesterday ,I had none left.  Today not panicky, and still haven't taken any.  I do want to be clean as well, maybe this will lead to me just quiting.

[Danny111]

I'm a total nonbeliever and I went to AA meetings when I quit drinking.  I found that some were very religion oriented and others were almost totally non-religious.  You can probably find one that you'll feel comfortable with if you try a few.  

I can hardly stand hearing or reading the religious stuff I see on here without making sarcastic comments so I wouldn't recommend AA if it were that type of thing.  

I kinda see AA as a place to go to talk with and listen to other people who've dealt with the same issues you're going through.  It's definitely not a church or a place filled with Christian idiots trying to convert you.

[opiateswon]

Hi there. Although I am only three days in this time, I totally understand where you are coming from. I too am in a proffession that I do not want to be found out about my addiction. However my reasons for not attending NA near where I live are more based on the other members complaining about being court ordered to attend and not wanting to be there. I get soo frustrated with it that the meetings are not helpful to me. You would be surprised as to who in your community has simular issues and want the same privacy you need. So the way I see it, if you attend meetings, the exact way you are feeling atleast half the group feels or has felt. Bring it up as a topic of discussion and ease your fears. Best of luck. You are not alone.

[dominosarah]

It sometimes takes different meetings to find the one you feel at home with.  Some recovering addicts here also find they fit in better at an AA meeting.  Your higher power can be anything you want it to be, doesnt have to be God.  Outside recovery care is highly recommended on this forum as we see over and over that it works if you work it.  There are addiction specialists, therapists, outpatient treatment facilities etc.  Using is just a symptom to what is really going on.  Congrats on 2 months clean!!        sara

[onlyonelife]

Hey there!  I really hope your feeling better today.  I have gone to meetings here in my city in past attempts to get clean and I found myself feeling really out of place and almost worse than I did than I went in, not to mention the religious overtones of the meeting (I feel I cannot leave something like this up to God, at this point).  I know most people will think that is bull and that I am or that you are no different than any other addict and the sooner you admit that the better and....you have to be honest about being an addict and deal with the consequences of everyone in your town knowing.  However, there are consequences to 'EVERYONE" knowing your an addict.  It's not like you are some rock star who will be seen as a hero for conquering your addiction.  It's not that romantic in the real world.  Anyway, I will say that I have found sooooo much support and help by staying involved with this sight.  Reading the posts and also responding to the posts as I am now.  I mean, I'm only a couple of months clean and have had narcotic addiction for over 10 years, and still have severe cravings, so I know it's not easy.  2 months is a LONG time for people like us.  Sometimes I really don't know what to do with myself.  When I start to feel like I'm going crazy, I get on here and read and post.  Trust me it helps, more than that meeting did (that"s just me).  There is no one in this world that will understand what you are going through and make you feel better than people who have been there and that are going through it.  Please keep posting.  You will get through this!  You only live once, don't waste your life away being high.  Good Luck!

[GA Guy]

Don't let the fear of being "found out" keep you from getting to a meeting. We take our anonymity very seriously. The part of your brain using that as an excuse is just your disease talking.