am i an alcoholic

[davidr714]

my question is i think i am a alcoholic , i been going to aa for 5 years i with off and on sobeity once almost 2 years. 9, months 8 months. and other peroids of not drinking. i have done the steps but i still got drunk. i can at times stop at half a fith. it also feels like i have control at times. the thing is i feel that mabey aa have made want to prove i an alcholich when i am not. i think i am an alcholic i just am not totally convinced. i did drink till i pucked in early jan, and had a blackout for the first time since i was foutheen and i still drank after that. i guess i know i probley am but in back of my mind that mabey i am wrong. i really am in turmoil over this i really dont want to drink any more but i also think that i might not be done drinking so i will just end up drinking again anyway, so why try i fail. i guess in know i am an alcholich i mean i crave a drink constanlty. i sober right now. also i have bad depression and axzity which i am being treated for. i am just so confused, and teriffed. i am a worry a lot about my health and ironicly i think about what is wrong when have any thing abrnoral in the slighted and even though drinking could kill me i need it supress my fears about my health. i am at my wits end.. i m a 28 year old male .i just cant stay sober but then i think i can stop at half a fith so thats control right? half a fith aint to bad.
david R

[davidr714]

im doing much better and  feeling a lot less anxious.

[dominosarah]

How are you??

[dominosarah]

You are doing very well by opening up right now.  It will help you.  Noone will judge you in how you feel.  Sometimes we dont always want to hear the truth about our alcohol problems but we need to listen......It is about life or death.  Alcohol will kill us.  I know how you are feeling right now.  It is scary to get rid of our security blanket but YOU can do this and your life will be so much better.  There is always a reason why we have this addictive behaviour.  Let out your feelings.  It will help during the times you are craving.  Talk to us here and at your AA meeting.  Write in your journal anything you are feeling.  We want you to get better and will help you.  Plant those feet of yours and come out fighting.......you dont have to be controlled by alcohol anymore.            sara

[kim715]

David,check your inbox at the top right hand side of the page.Sent you a pm.

[davidr714]

thanks also i am what you would call a worryier i am ironiclly worried about health concerens that have no basis in reality or not much. then i drink and am ironicllay helping to cause a real health problem.  just to get ride of fear. growing i would make several hospital trips over unreal concernes. any way every few months i worry i might have a fatal ilness such as oh no my back hurts i hope its not pacatic cancer. anyway these other worries plage me constalty. when i lived on my own i always had to call my mom so i could be reasured that i wasnt dieing . funny i never had a thought that alchol was a problem untill i was almost failing out school. they say that alcholism is the only diease that an hypoconderaic woulnt clame. its true i never woorried about the real concern. i saying this because i need to deal with the fear that runs my life and makes me drink for relife. thanks again
david r

[kim715]

You say whatever you need to say here,theres no judgement here at all.Most likely nothing any of us haven't heard before or done ourselves.You will only find help and encouragement here and the occasional tough love when needed.You are taking a big step opening up david,and I'm real proud of you for that.Keep posting.....Kim

[davidr714]

thanks i just kinda go the chills anyway positng helps. i think i need to be real to others my last sponsor who fired cause i kept drinking. told me to get real or die. i know know that i cant keep my feeling tucked away and stay sober. i just have a hard time sharing in meetings. this helps because i feel strage opening up at meetings. i going just say what i need to say. thanks again
david R

[kim715]

Hey David,glad to hear you fought your craving today and went to that meeting and spoke out.I think writing a journal is an excellent idea.Writing can be very therapeutic.I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling great,but posting about it is a  another step in the right direction.I'm here if you want to talk.......Kim

[davidr714]

i all of a sunden noticed im feeling bad anxious and kinda ache i wonder if it from withdrawls i only got drunk once on staurday didnt notice till this evening anyway i am not going to drink i try to pay more attion to what i feel and might start a jounal so i wont igoner or miss when i start to crave or fell deppresed which makes me crave. any way i dont fell great, anyway thanks for the replies.
david R

[davidr714]

thanks for the replie i was thinking about drinking today but i didnt i went to a aa meeting and fessed up to drinking on saterday.  i am going to keep trying i am really afraid of trying to get sober. i mean i keep thinking that i will just fail. though trying. i m so tried of living this way get sober then relasing and it happens over and over. i need to stay sober i just dont seem to be able but ill keep tring.
david R

[dominosarah]

I have been sober going on 7 yrs now.  I am going to be 48 yrs old.  Dont waste your life drinking it away.  You are heading down a long lonely road. The alcohol is causing your depression to worsen.  There is a life out here that is fun and rewarding.  You can stop abusing alcohol but you have to want that more than anything.  I understand how scarey it is to stop drinking and not have that crutch to fall back on.  You dont have to live like this.  We are here to help you........pm me anytime..........sara

[kim715]

Don't ever stop fighting the good fight my friend.You keep fighting and we are all here to back you up.You pick up the phone and call someone next time you have a craving or you come here and post.We're all pulling for you so please do keep posting.

[davidr714]

Thanks i will keep posting and i will tell someone when i want to drink although i have a hard time with opening up in the meetings because of anxzity. i going to keep at it.
david R

[kim715]

NOTHING is ever hopeless.Addiction and alcoholism is a life long fight and you don't lose unless you stop fighting.Relapse is part of the process my friend.I've been there before.Not too many of us that get it right the first time.You've done it before,you've had some substantial periods of clean time,so you CAN DO THIS.Stopping the drugs or the alcohol is the easy part,it's staying stopped thats the real battle.You're not used to relapsing and you're not ready to give up.If that were the case you wouldn't have reached out here.You said it yourself you don't want to live this way anymore.You want control of your life back,and you can get it and keep it,all you have to do is want it bad enough and have a plan.Posting here was a big step in the right direction.You have a whole community of people here willing and wanting to help and support you,all you have to do is keep reaching out.YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!

[davidr714]

thanks for the replie i know i am an alcholich i read my post and can see how insane it sounds. any way i just dont i have much hope. i mean i relapsed so many times i just have gotten used to relapseing. i am am dettemined to get sober. i guess i wanted to just give up because to be honest i feel i cant do it. i am so burt out, i feel so hopless. i know i am alcholic but i keep haveing these thoughts that mabey i wasnt so bad. i know i have a problem and need to get sober and stay that way. i also have a hard time calinng peolple when i want to drink i just dont call aa i hate using the phone. i am so tired of living this way i just cant seem to stop.
david r

[TysonRed]

Regardless of the reason you want to drink doesnt change the fact that its an addiction. My mom is a pretty severe alcoholic and she admits it but says its how she deals with her stress. The one thing Ive learned is that no one can do the work for you, its needs to be a day by day decision to stay sober, just like any other drug. Ive always wondered if alcoholism is made harder to quit purely by its availabilty. I wish you all the best man, Ive experienced dealing with an alcoholic and its a very sad situation that Im still trying to cope with. One drink is never enough, its not worth what it will do to your life and those around you. Gotta find a different way to cope with your stress and fears.
Take Care!

[kim715]

Go back and read what you just wrote,my friend.I think you answered your own question more then once in more ways then one.Theres nothing that anyone else can say to you thats going to convince you one way or the other if you are or not.That revelation has to come from within.The first step is admittance.