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ativan withdrawal with no way out!!please help!!!

First, a little about myselfI have been sober for 14 months.it has been wonderful but I did slip up 2 months ago. just got the best of me and I took a few ativans from a friend. I never really spiraled out of control with them but I did take them daily.first it was .5 mg daily. then it became 1 milligram daily then it became 1.5 daily. that is the most I take in one day. I see an addiction specialist regularly for subutex maintenance. he does not know that I did this. I really want to tell him so many times because I want off of them so badly. but now I'm afraid the physical withdrawals would be too much because I know I am NOT good when pain or uncomfortabuncomfortable. I like to go to detox but I am also in the middle of a custody battle for my daughter. so my dilemma is this I would like to go to a dodoctor, a different dr to help me get through this. I'm afraid he will see that I am taking subutex and wants to know where it came from and speak to my subutex maintenance Dr. I'm not trying to be shady I haven't been the best patient over the years with my addiction specialist and I'm so scared that he will cut me off and I can't handle that right now. I have a3 year old daughter who needs me so much. and I'm taking care of my grandparents and my disabled mother. should I go to the emergency room for this just to help me through it or a new doctor or what should i do I am in so much emotional pain and distress. and I feel like I got hit by a truck every morning when I wake up because of the ativan. I cant take much more. I cant get anymore ativan nor do i want anymore. I just want my life back. Mothers day u s this weekend and i only have 2 pills left. I feel like t g e most pathetic piece of **** mother ever. please help. Any advice is welcome. Thank you and god bless.
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1135275 tn?1586565652
I get the 'I haven't been the best of patients' part...I was also not the best of patients many times. I think really would second the opinion that you aren't in the best situation to not be honest with your doctor. You really need to let your doctor know what has happened and say everything you said here.

Hope your situation improves...
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Avatar universal
I'm very sorry if that last post seemed abrupt.  I just don't know how else to say it.  You just can't take those two drugs together.  For your daughter's sake, your sake and those who love you, just don't
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Avatar universal
BTW, There's one drug that absolutely positively should NOT be taken while on subutex due to a risk of death.  benzos!
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Avatar universal
Ativan is a short acting benzodiazapine, very similar to xanax.   Quitting CT is not recommended.  I think you need medical assistance with your dependence on ativan.  For more information on quitting benzos, google "ashton manual"
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271792 tn?1334979657
Hi & Welcome,

I don't know what they would do for you at the hospital or what a new doctor would do either. I mean what would you take to get off of the Ativan? I don't like suggesting that you simply let the pills run out and don't get anymore but you have not been on them long and not on a high dose. Of course there is always a risk and that is why I don't suggest it. Personally, I think you need to get honest with your addiction counselor. What is the sense of going and trying to get help if you are not going to be honest? They can't help you if you lie or hide things. Know what I mean? You ned to get through this and stop using the pills for emotional pain. It will always catch up with you. Hang in there and I hope you get through this okay.
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