back again...im a stripper now

[breezyfbaby]

i can't stop usin now...its the only thing that appeals to me. i have a bf who just smokes weed and he just wants me to get clean. i started stripping at silk to get some money.im makin as much as $300-$600 a night.its awesome money.but i dont really wanna do that. and its gone in less then 2 days cause i kno ill make it all bak. i dont think im quite ready to quit the drugs.i dont have the attitude yet.i started doin heroin instead of oxy contin now. its much easier to dance without getting sick. i just feel kinda stuck.im not in the mood to move forward with myself.what am i supposed to do? just wait until i wanna get clean?

[goldenarm]

Ive hung around with alot of people just like you.I was just like that myself for along time. It took a drug deal gone bad and almost 5 yrs in the pen to get 8 yrs clean until this Dr prescrbed oxy hel. And i even used in the pen.I guess we come from a life so used to doing drugs that is normal . I almost made it to 9 yrs normal,clean and i regret the hell out of what i did. IM going to be clean again.I dont want to live like that ever again, Part of the problem which is really the solutoin that my bottom is me this time, RIght now i have great job, nice house, etc etc.I cant stand being addicted even if it was legal, What an as$ i was..Time for corrections, I really relate to what you have to say , ive certinly lived it..Its sureal now, it seems like another life ago..wish you well Carrie, it got easier for me after a cuple yrs clean then it got hard at 8 when i got hurt and once i ate my 1st pill then another here is where i ended up,still held on to everythign except my pride and dignity..Peace out....

[carr]

OH yeah...GET RID OF THE BOYFRIENDS. YOU CANT BE AROUND SOMEONE THAT USES AND EXPECT TO STAY CLEAN!!!!! EVEN IF IT IS "ONLY WEED".

[carr]

To answer your question, I finally detoxed in a hospital, the easiest way possible. I am allergic to pain. (lol) 2 days after I got out of the hosptial I went into a 28 day program, state funded. While I was in the hospital I called a rehab every day and by the end of my 10 days I had a bed. For the two days I was on the streets, I stayed at a women's shelter for the homeless. When I came out of the rehab, I was back on the streets and back on drugs. But I thought this time I wont get addicted to opiates again so I started shooting crack, breaking it down to liquid form and coke if I could get it. I did dabble in opiates as well. But I didnt get "hooked" to where I was sick everyday. The withdrawals from coke arent near as bad as those from opiates.

I do have to say that when things get really bad I want to get high. Even after 7 months I think about it at least once a day. I dont give into the feelings anymore. I start thinking about what drugs did for me, which all they did was take my life from me. Until now and I'm slowly getting that back.

Peace and Love

[goldenarm]

SO where are you at now with everything? DId you stop? Are you on Subs? How about you Carrie, how did you finaly detox.? I did alot of what you did 20 plus yrs ago and ended up in the pen on a drug deal gone way bad.I had to kick in County CT and it was horrific...Wish you all well.. I have a couple friends with the C and they have done great with the treatment...

[PromisedLand]

All the best to you Carrie....and breezy, I do hope you've read and taken to heart what Carrie has had to say...the choice is yours


Jim

[carr]

Ok, I wasnt going to comment. But, I wanted to share my experience. I dont know your method of partaking in the festivities. I shot my dope. To me any other way was just a waste. I was on dilaudid, heroin, OC's, crack, coke. If it could be liquified, I shot it. I shot dope every day for 3.5 years. Mild compared to others and then more than some. After a year of shooting up I contracted Hep C. Yep, the liver killer. I've had it 2.5 years now. Been to detox in the hospital twice and then to rehab once. 28 day program. Can't say any of that worked for me except made me a text book junkie.

During my stay at the first hospital for detox, the Doctor said "well, you've got Hep C. But dont worry, it wont kill you for 20 years or so." I was 36 then. I'm 38 now. So, I think to myself, wow, by the time I'm 56, I could be dead. Because I am already dying each day until then. I lost everything I had because of my addiction. I lost a great job, family, friends (cept the dope heads), my self respect, my self esteem. The list is endless. Worst of all is I ended up homeless. Yep, living on the streets. Stealing, scamming, anything but selling my body and although I like to think I never would have stooped that far, I know eventually I would have.

I've been to jail around 16 times, give or take a few times. Mostly for misdemeanors. But during my binging, I scored a case. Yep, felony for possession. Oh, dope friends said you'll get probation etc, etc, I got drug court. Which because I wasnt ready to stop cuz I hated being sick. I ignored it. Well, because of drugs and my own stupidity, I am now facing 1-3 years in PRISON. I have been indicted by the grand jury.

I dont know why I feel so compelled to share this with you. But there is no lost causes to me. I do pray and hope for your sake and your family's that you wisen up and get clean. I as of this date have 7 months clean.

Imagine if you continue to go down the dope road, just where you might end up? There are three places that is for the addict who wont listen and those are Jails, Institutions and Death. I've been to 2. Guess whats next?


Please make a "Profound Change" in your life. I had to. But the damage is already done. I waited tooo long.

Peace and love to you,

Carrie

[handofdoom66]

one more saying i recently heard i liked and helped me, YOU ONLY HIT BOTTOM WHEN YOU STOP DIGGING. just something to think about

[handofdoom66]

it only comes when u want it bad enough (hate to sound like  N.A.) i had an  X girlfriend who stripped and made good scratch in the start she ended up looking like a homeless person (got nothing against homeless people) also hate to be negative but get ready for a long miserable life chasing the F-ING bag, no one is gonna give you the desire to get clean until you want it as bad as you want to get high. its funny you also answered your Q thats exactly when you get clean when YOU  want it. GOOD LUCK  

[birdie0907]

Until you are ready to give up all substances, I doubt you can get anywhere because you will just hop around the drug playground.

There are lots of warnings on this thread, so I hope you face reality sometime before it is too late.
At 20 you think you will live forever, but good health is instead very short. They have a saying in hospitals, "Your health is your wealth".

[bravobreeseff]

I dunno, after an entire adolescence of being an addict of meth, coke, heroin, ketamine, etc, weed seems mild to me. I guess that's where the casual "only smokes weed" statement comes from. In his case, he only smokes if he has the extra cash and that's rare. he does not have an addictive personality like I do. I don't see it as a problem at all.

But then again I'm an avid pot fan and have been since the day I tried it. So I tend so defend it. :P

[BQ77]

Suboxone should be a last ditch effort for recovery when you are ready and 100% serious and nothing else has worked.  Then and only then is this good advice.  

Barry

[boogieman]

why?????????????

[lgino87]

i got a questiong for yea ... i do like 6 to 10 80's oxycontin a day.  is heroin basically the same **** ?   is heroin alot more addictive?

i got to the point where oxys arent even fun anymore.. so im just waiting to go to rehab...but if u wanna quit get 2 8mg suboxone and do 4 mg the first day than 3mg than 2 mg than 1 mg and .5... and it makes it alot easier

[birdie0907]

What I find amazing is how both you strippers say your boyfriends "just" smokes weed. That is in itself a serious problem, although less serious than yours. I hope for the best for you 2.

[bravobreeseff]

you are in the same exact boat as me. i was shocked to read everything from your name to your story, (people call me breezy f baby cuz my name is bree) i too am a stripper, addicted to heroin, with a boyfriend who only smokes weed.

the only difference is today is day 7 of yet another go at withdraw. (this is my 4th time quiting) I wasnt really ready to quit this time but I need to stick it through because i have a vacation coming up with my family and the last thing i want to do is bring h with me or w/d the whole time...
so, i got on with it.

If you are using a lot (which, with our income, is not hard to do) then start regulating your usage and how much you buy a day. i was at 80$ a day and each week i would take ten bucks off, until i was down to 30$ a day (the lowest i could get to without finishing it up too soon and going out to get more) and then, the last two days i stayed at home, bought a 20 each day and slowly smoked them. i wouldnt smoke to get high, just until i was comfortable. then, i finished it, and offed it.

with the stripping lifestyle, its easy to have heroin be a part of it because of the affordability and it helps me to be comfortable and happy dancing. being sober, im not sure if it will be as easy. i am not sure. i have stripped sober of opiates but then again i was always high on something (weed, alcohol)

to be honest, you are never going to all of a sudden want to quit. never going to happen sweety. you will get high, think 'ok, enough. last bag' and soon as you come down you realize how much you want it. each time i quit i had an event or reason that gave me little other option (the last time, was an overdose, and i convinced myself that i had the flu and that heroin would only make me sick like i was when i overdosed, so as to not think 'hey, a hit will do just fine for this pain') it *****, you feel like ****, but your body has to make up for how good it was feeling by feeling awful. You get through it, you just do somehow. this time around i used the Thomas recipe + i also used a pill of suboxone a day to aid in the withdrawl. it helped and was much less intense than the last time. your in for it if you want to quit but the alternative is much much worse, so think about that. give yourself a REASON to quit. focus on that. focus on everything positive about sobriety and everything negative about being high.

good luck, get clean!

[newgirl286]

Good luck girl, your so young to going through all this...  But where are going?  Do you want to be chained to a methadone clinic for the rest of your life?  You are young to quit and actually get your life back right now but every time you use, quitting will be that much more painful.  I have friends constantly battling heroin and it breaks my heart, you could be fighting it for the rest of your life...  Good luck girl.

[boogieman]

hi. the bottom line is, it will all come to an end and the question is where. that sh** will take your happiness, your dreams, your looks, your will, your freedom, your soul and if not arrested in time, your life. if you haven't had enough yet, get as much as you can stand as soon as possible, and maybe you will not have deteriorated to the point of being a walking corpse by the time you are ready. i've known a few people who were right where you are now, who couldn't get enough pain until they odosed, contracted hep or hiv, or were given 20 year sentences for personal consumption so large it became trafficking. there is a way out and i pray you will make it long enough to seek it. you have either your whole life or a daily attempt at death ahead of you. i hope you will be saved from the worst. i know it's possible because there was a hand that caught mine and gave me back the will to live. until then you'll be in my prayers. be careful out there,   gm

[scaredmom330]

I wish you the best, I hope you get ready before it is too late. take care and know you do have friends here that are waiting for you and will help anyway we can when you are ready. Please don't wait until it is too late.

[breezyfbaby]

yeah thats wat i thought. an addict can never be told what to do...otherwise theyll do the exact opposite. im not ready yet. i hope itll come soon. i notice the depression is beginning to come bak the more i use and my high begins to fade. the depression i had was caused by drugs.

[dominosarah]

We could go on and on and tell you how your life is in danger but you arent ready to listen......Hopefully you will get out before its too late......All the best        sara

[gizzy32]

I got hooked on coke when a stripper moved in next door, long story. Your tossing your life away and doing something demoralizing. In my coke days I partied with strippers and it's a completely different lifestyle. Almost all are using drugs and drinking which makes it easier to dance. Since your not ready, what can we say? Your doing H now and there will be no turning back soon. Get out of the strip scene, it's dangerous and drugs are everywhere. But since your not ready, I guess it doesn't matter what we say. Help will be available when you are ready and it sounds like you will need inpatient treatment when the time comes. Your entire life is at stake here, I hope you want help soon. Good luck

[mtgoat911]

if you are not ready, nothing we say can help you
when you are ready seek an impatient facility that atleast 3 weeks, now the addiction has a friend which is your new lifestyle, both addicting
sorry you are going through this, been there myself