back to reality.

[ang_811]

so i feel im officially back nto reality... does ne1 know what im talking about? i know since ive lived the last 6 years n a high i wasnt living n reality. im well aware of whats going on around me. im dealing with alot of stress after this weekend. i guess its the first time ive really ever dealt with stress like this sober.b4 my addiction i was  21 and didnt have anything to stress about.now im facing problems and dont know how to deal with them. i wish i could say its 1 big thing but its a couple big things.... b4 i would just  hide behind pills. i honestly think i forgot what stress feels like. lol. my life has gotton stressful. i thought before when i was high that i dealt with stress just fine. i was wrong....its hard not to crave right now just to make it go away. i could use a pill or have a drink. but its not me nemore. even though its not me nemore i still crave.i feel weak posting this bc theres people everyday dealing stress just fine. there is just so much on my mind and its gonna take sum time for my stress n my life to go away so i have to figure out a way to deal with it.

[ang_811]

Just for today!! That's what I keep telling myself Mark. I feel eveything keeps piling up and I feel I'm at my breaking point here. I can't help but to crave. But that's as far as I'll let it go. I have to deal with lifes issues sober no matter what. It's just alot right now. I'm struggling to stay clean, I'm dealing with alot of personal stuff right now.  I can't remeber how I dealt with things b4 my addiction. I'm sorry I'm rambling but the support here is always great.  I just want the pain and stress to go away. I know it's gonna take time but I'm an impateint person.

[Mommy2328]

Don't feel weak.... You are strong.  Getting over your addiction takes hard work and A LOT of inner stregnth.... I think those "weak" feelings is what led me to take pills in the first place - not sure about you....but i felt SO weak for being so tired all the time, work, household responsabilites, etc... all of it was just too much for me, which is why i took pills to make it all easier...  well here i am day on day 29 of being clean - it was hard at first, but each day that I conqured a craving - it made me stronger...and now I WILL NOT thorw away 29 days of being clean for 2-4 hours of being high - just not worth it...  I love being "normal" again.  Natural highs and lows just like the rest of them...

[janet19]

God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. God Bless  you ang811.

[gnarly_1]

HI Angie.....I want you to say ''just for today'' and take on one thing at a time....you cant address everything at one time...as addicts we look for instant gratification we also tend to try and process our problems the same way expecting the same results ...life dosent work that way we have to take on our problems one at a time resolve it then move on to the next one at best all you can do is prioritize things but your not going to be able to solve everything overnight some problems take time and we have to be ok with that and learn that this isent an instant gratification world ....right now your overwhelmed take a minute look at everything going on and start with whats most important be happy as long as you make progress on it remember....there are no big deals ...there cant be I know you can move past all of this..just focus on one thing at a time and roll with it...you'll get past all of this and come out stronger in the end...using is not an option no mater how stressful it gets...you can do this....your friend.....Mark      

[dominosarah]

thats my girl~~~~~~~sara

[ang_811]

lol...GUARD UP!!!!!!!!!!
im actually starting to learn what that means now....thanks

[dominosarah]

and we always have to remember to do what??

[ang_811]

i know i cant run and hide. im facing lifes issues head on these days. whether i like it or not.. and yes im well aware of what happens when u let something build up. i found that out the hard way. therefore im facing everything sober. its hrad very hard but there is no other way...i plan on ljust  unloading everything on my counselor tomorrow. i hope he has enough ink in his pen and plenty of paper..lol... i havent had stress like this, sober neways,  for years.

[dominosarah]

We cant run and hide behind anything now ang.  We have to face our stresses head on cuz if you dont they do build up and you know what can happen.  Lay it all out at your counselors tomorrow.  That will help.  Let us know how you are feeling~~~~sara

[FassFeat]

Glad you are seeing a counselor. I am cheering for you and it really does get better every day. I am not that far ahead of you, but I clearly remember that day 12 was a turning point for me. I agree that not letting things bottle up is best, regardless of who you unload on. Tk care. You are doing great. Keep the faith for sure.

[ang_811]

thanks. i cant wait to see my counselor tomorrow. just unload on him. everything has been building up, probally another reason i had a couple relapses n the past month. ive kept things bottled up and now that ive left them all out im kinda wishing i didnt. but i had to bc i know keeping things bottled up will only keep causing me to relapse. i have to take my own adivice here and just have faith that things will get better even if it means things will happen that i dont want to happen. (stressfull)...  i got to just have faith.

[FassFeat]

Congrats on 12 days clean. Welcome back to reality. All I can say is that you have to find positive ways to deal with cravings (walk, music, activity,etc) and some form of aftercare. NA, AA, one on one with a counselor, church, something. The other thing is to think about where you were and where you are now. There is nothing worse than where we were. I have no idea what you are dealing with, but just do the best you can and deal with the issues one at a time. That is all you can do, it will pass. Time cures all and whatever you are dealing with, ask yourself if it will matter in 3 yrs. if the answer is yes on any, deal with it first. I am glad you posted, somehow it helps. Best of luck and God Bless. You can reach out anytime, someone here will help (but you know that) Andrew