i feel for ya. i remember being there.
like you,i had tried to quit many times. so my plan was to get a whole different routine and hah basically " life".
what is your situation? work, kids, married, income?
i found that i just could not do it and everything else remain the same. i quit a job, broke up a 2 year relationship, and moved 2,000 miles away alone. hah- pretty radical huh?
but desperate times call for desperate measures. and this has kept me off and no cravings whatsoever. 2 years.( and i am very happy with new life)
anyway, i am not saying to do all this. but take a look at things that maybe you need to change in order to stay off for good. the after planning seems to be the key.
best to you in the new year!
I have been searching for a job for the past three months. I actually moved three months ago also. an hour and 20 min away from everyone i know. My boyfriend is incrediably supportive. He is the one i move in with. So as of now i have no income, no job. He is supporting me untill I can find one. I have a 6 year old son that is staying with his dad to finish out the school year. I would like to have him go to the schools here next year, but don't really want him to be affected by my addictive lifestyle. It is imperative that i get off these things. If not for myself, then for him. I get him every weekend and when i have plenty of pills to get me through the weekend we have a wonderful time together. But when I don't have any, I am not a very good mother. For that, I truly hate myself. I also admitted to some of the people closest to me of sexual abuse by my brother when i was a child. So trying to deal with the reality of that has made it even more difficult. I just don't know where to turn, where to go, or what to do.
Please don't think of rehab as something you're doomed to. It may be just what you need. The structure of rehab along with the education and therapy they offer is very valuable in many cases. They can help you prepare for life once you leave and have to face the world and try to stay clean. Broknbk is right, you have to change so many things to stay clean. Anything that ties you to your drug supply and people who enable.
Check with your county and see if there's a mental health organization that charges based on income. They will probably be able to direct you to a state funded rehab program.
Tapering doesn't work for a lot of us. You may still have a lot of anxiety and depression. ANd it takes a super high level of motivation to taper. I tapered for 3 months, but eventually went to a detox facility bc I couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. I was using between 20-40 mg. of hydrocodone ( 2-4 Norco ) a day when I decided to quit, and was taking about 10mg a day when I went cold turkey in detox. My experience leads me to think there are no shortcuts and there's no easy way to quit. But you already know what life is like chasing your drug, and that's no cake walk either. At least if you quit using you can be sure that eventually it will lead to something positive. Continuing to use is a dead end with a brick wall you will keep banging your head against. You have to decide what you want.
I hope you find the support you need here. There are a lot of people who have been just where you are now. Keep posting for support, even as you are trying to decide. I wish you well.
I have been on pills for about 4 years and I know the fear you are having...I would recomend looking in your town for a free clinic and go there and come clean about what you are doing. Suboxone can help with withdrawal but going to AA meetings and working on what is really the problem will give you the long term sobriety you seek. I quit a few days ago and don't feel that bad I have been to 3 meetings a day since I quit and it really helps....like you I want my life back.
well you are smart and right that you cannot raise your 6 year old in this situation of yours. believe it or not the physical withdrawl is going to be the easiest part of it all. the plan is the hard part.
start with all the reasons that you take a pill now or back in the beginning. pain, sad, bored, tired, a particular person, job, angry - whatever. so these are the things that make you unhappy.
you need to get happy.
bear with me alright...
a job that was just too hard on my back (injury). quit the job
a relationship with someone 16 years younger and stressful. broke up
living in a town full of losers and depressing, cold weather (midwest) and high humidity which caused more pain. moved to sunny, low humidity arizona
i have never been happier in my life now.
maybe you don't have as drastic of changes to make. maybe you just need to take some time out or away to get clear of this addiction and it is mostly physical.
well it is like a song i heard by "outshine- second chance". it goes on to say how sometimes goodbye is a second chance. tell my mother, tell my father i've done the best i can. i hope they realize this is my life.. i hope they understand. this is my one and only chance... well , anyway it fit my situation perfect.. having to say goodbye to everyone i knew. but it worked and i have my life back and i could go back there now and maybe do things just a little different and i am sure i would be ok. everyone is having more fun coming to visit me here though, hah.
so what i am saying is that maybe you need to just be gone from your regular life for some time. ??? some kind of charity work? (green peace offered me a spot on their ship for a few months before-hah) if it works, you have the rest of your life.
sorry, i cannot be more specific for you. if it helps, write down things you want and don't want to do. things you can and cannot do. the way you would like it to all end up as. ect...
you want to quit and be done with this and so you are going to figure it out. it is going to happen.