What is it that made your mind turn the corner?

[againnot]

Just wondering.....I can remember the exact time and reason why I quit smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day.  I couldn't walk to the mailbox without getting out of breath.  Then, my sister asked me if I thought it was normal to be hoarse all the time.  All I could imagine is one of those microphones people use that make their voice sound really kinda scary.  That was it.  It wasn't the money, the social stigma..none of those things.  And once my brain was on board with quitting smoking, I could quit. (Not that it was easy!). But that was about 30 years ago.

So just curious what it was that clicked in your brain that made you decide that this is it.  I'm done with these pills.

I know for me a lot of it is trying to mask my depression over my cancer.  At the moment I can't seem to get my logical brain to even care how many pills I take.

I've been battling this addiction for years now.

So what was it that made you decide to quit?

Thanks in advance for your replies.

[lulu747]

I read your post earlier and did not have time to respond.
I took opiates for YEARS for some pretty rotten painful illnesses (Crohn's and Stage 4 endometriosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis) I was on INSANELY high doses after numerous surgeries.  After my last surgery I was basically fixed up, in remission.  I was on so many drugs and getting off them was an overwhelming task.  I wasn't in as much pain- well, really I had no idea how much pain I was in- than before the surgery.  But I'd been through so many traumatic medical procedures, a near death experience due to a reaction to an immunosuppressant, and had recently extricated myself from an abusive marriage.  I realized I was numbing not just physical pain, but emotional pain as well.  I felt like my soul was dying.  I was so depressed and hopeless I wanted to die.  Then one night this little voice inside myself told me I had to get off the pills.  I woke up knowing that it was the key to getting myself back, getting my life back.  So I went c/t.  I'd been tapering for a long time so I was low enough at 100 mg of oxy that I knew I could do it.  I told my family and friends and doctor and I asked for support.  I found this website and I reached out and was flooded with info and support.  I did it.  It was a special kind of hell for sure, but it was also one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and the most empowering thing I have EVER done.
Once I was physically capable of leaving the house I got myself into a solid recovery plan of counselling, ptsd therapy, and CBT therapy, and support groups.  I spent close to two years dealing with the trauma and the grief that had led me down that dark road.
Within 6 months I went back to work for the first time in 6 YEARS.  I bought my own condo, and opened my own business doing what I love.
I found ME again.  And an even better me than I was before.
This process teaches you compassion, humility, and faith.
I cannot recommend it highly enough.
You can do this.  You deserve to live life again and find YOU again.
Keep posting, we will always be here to support...
Lu

[Longwaytogo]

Hi. I've been a "lurker " since beginning of dec. thanks to all of you I've been able to detox from the fentanyl  patch,100mcg,  oxycodone 60mg 12/day, am now working on last four 10/325.norco(also12/day. )My g.p. and pain mgt. dr. And shrink had me using all concurrently.  ( been using codeine 40plus yrs.)  Long story shorter,you re an amazing group of people from whom I ve taken courage and hope to get thru these long dark roads.  thank you all so much for your honesty  inspirations and helpful tips.

[dirtydirk]

first and formost was knowing and having ppl tell me I was going 2 be the next one 2 die.....secondly hating the fact I had 2 stick a needle in my arm every mourning 2 feel better....thirdly knowing im spending what money I had on drugs and barely eatin (let alone having responsibilitys other than hustling/stealing/selling drugs) !!!  beyond that losing friends, jobs, real-estate, cars and most importantly my sainity!!!  Ppl say rock bottom but I hit rock bottom years b4 I quit, I went 2 the store and bought dynamite  and kept exploding  a deeper hole!!!

[againnot]

Thank you so much for all of your insites.  Lots for me to think about, starting today.

[Real180]

Great question because it really made me think... I thought I would be able to pinpoint some sort of monumental apithany that resulted in me getting sober and I couldn't find one.. I tried stopping many times for the usual reasons, i.e. sick and tired of being sick tired, money, relationship, family, what it was doing to my personality, mind, and etc but I would always relapse in short order. The reasons to stop were alway the preverbal "800 lb gorilla in the corner of the room" in my life, so finding the reasons to get clean were very easy to come by but the question for me was finding a way to STAY clean... It wasn't until I opened my mind to learning how to do the latter that gave me a chance to string some legitimate clean time together on a day by day basis... So it wasn't a " turning point" that has given me 140 days (including today) it's been a work in progress each and every day that I have accepted as something I have to deal with... The wonderful thing about this is that you are rewarded daily for your efforts because even though there have been and will be moments of tough times and challenges to my sobriety I also know that no matter what happens each day being  pill free brings me some sort of serenity and happiness to my life that I can build on and carry to the next day making my will to stay clean stronger and the tough times and challenges to my sobriety easier to get by.. I guess I'm just trying to say that for me my sobriety has not been about one defining moment but rather it has been about many, many important moments....

[clean_in_ks]

Here's a thread from the social forum you might like to read.  While it's not exactly the same question.....the answers might bless you~

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Social/What-is-your-favorite-part-about-being-sober/show/2088113

[Merri123]

Just plain sick and tired of needing a pill to get up in the morning, to feel good, to sleep.

[meegWpaw]

hi honey, I am with shelly ... you know, when I made the decision to get clean originally, back in 2011, it was because I was just losing it.  I knew the pills were hurting my body, but the compelling issue was that I couldn't think straight anymore.  I really thought I was going insane.  I was constantly battling my own thoughts and trying to figure out what reality was ... it was hellish ...

[jleeflcntrygrl]

I knew once I had to shoot up the pills and other drugs just to get high I was in too deep, even though I did it for a whole year before I quit. I looked in the mirror and I didn't look like myself I was literally lookin at a stranger!(In more ways than 1)

[VICourageous]

I could of not said it any better than AShellof_Me said..DITTO!
I wanted to really Live the rest of my Life out Clean and Clear Headed..I was aging quick and I was going to die at a middle age..lol
Bless

PS..Hope YOU are feeling OK today..lol

[OpenMind24hours]

I related to what I learned at my meetings and in my books in my first clean and sober life. Those years in AA and NA  had ruined my using. I couldn't sit there stoned without feeling guilty about it. My AA sponsor would call every now and then. I ignored his calls, and he'd leave a message like "hey, this would have been your anniversary, come back, know we love you sober or drunk". I hated those messages but I owe my life to the fact that he helps others so he can keep staying clean himself

But most importantly, I got some fox hole religion as we say: as I used I realized that I was slowly committing suicide, and I felt powerless to do anything about it. I quit out of desperation, like a drowning person trying to hold on to a life preserver. What it said in the 1st step in all the AA/NA books I read was coming true. I started looking at more powerful drugs, more of the drugs I was taking including alcohol ...more. The word more has always been a problem with me. That makes me an addict who needs to stay in recovery just to stay alive. So I got full of willingness.

[AShellof_Me]

It wasn't losing my home... or my savings... or anything material... sadly, not even my relationships with my daughter or family which helped me turn that corner... I was dying. I could feel my brain deteriorating... I could not form logical thoughts... I was going to die and I knew it. That's when I realized I wanted to live and wanted my life back. I never wanted to die... I wanted to escape the insanity of what had become my life - not be present... that's why the drugs began. What I didn't realize is that the drugs were literally killing me... and incredible fast.

Once I turned that corner, there were other motivators which helped me to stay on the path. Primarily, my daughter and family... and fighting to restore a life that I thought was miserable and terrifying BUT was actually such a blessing! For me, it is all about perspective. Mine was skewed.