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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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186166 tn?1385262982

christian relapsed

i have been here for 11 months now...not many of you were here when i first came.

i guess the purpose of this post is just to vent.  there is nothing that any of you can do to help him...hell, he cant help himself.

my son christian is a crystal meth addict.  he was diagnosed with HIV last march and married in june.  neither of these two things are enough...nothing is ever enough.

i am physically sick as i am writing this...his addiction and lack of wanting to help himself...makes me puke...literally.  this has been going on for 10 years now.  

during his first visit to UAB...seeing his HIV specialist...he was told that he could NOT do meth and expect to do well.  it will actually lower his cd4 count and could change his status from HIV to AIDS.  was that enough?  hell no.   his g/f married him...knowing that he cheated and acquired HIV.  doesn't he know how lucky he is?  is she enough to make him want to quit?  apparently not.

i'm sick and frucking tired of hearing his promises...his lies.  i am sooooooo sick of him that i truly hope that he looses everything.  going back to prison would be a huge relief off my heart.   dont tell me you want to quit...show me!  if someone wants to stop doing drugs...they frucking do something about it.  they just dont talk about it.  I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE WHAT HE IS DOING TO HIMSELF...HIS WIFE...AND HIS FAMILY.  he is the most selfish person that i have ever met.  how can you have a wife at home and stay out all night doing meth?  and God know "who"??????  he is a disgusting piece of shiat.
39 Responses
230262 tn?1316649534
this is the first actual post Im reading here today, had computer troubles since last night and couldnt post here. Im very sorry to hear your news hon. I can feel the devastation throughout your post and I wish I could do something to help. Im so sorry your son has relapsed and hurt you and the family again. I know its not much, but Im here for you to vent to and lean on, as always, no matter what.
xo xo xo xo
271792 tn?1334983257
Hi Honey. I am reading this and my heart is breaking for you.

I know you are venting, and I know you don't mean all this.

Kim, you don't deserve this...truly you don't. You have been through more than most addicts themselves have been through.

I know that YOU know that you and hubby cannot help him. I will pray for you all.

You know I love ya lady, and you know where I am. You can vent, scream, cry....whatever you need.....

Please try and calm down before you get yourself sick.

Hugs..........
Avatar universal
Um, wow. Your pain is so strong that I could cry for you. I don't know you, I am new, but I am so I dunno, my heart goes out to you and your family. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I am an addict of methadone, and I know everyone says it is the hardest drug to come off of, and that may be true, but "crystal meth" is so unlike any other drug. It is hard to come off of yes, but harder to stay off, you know what I mean? You probably do. When that drug takes control of you NOTHING matters. It's crazy/s***!  

Tough love. Don't support him, or give him the chance to say he will get clean. I don't know you, but I don't think you hate him, but you are fed up, and rightfully so. I do believe you are disgusted by him though. I would be too. You can't help him, so be there for his wife, but don't give him the satisfaction of thinking you care anymore. If this has gone on for years now, I think you need to worry about yourself now, you will only drive yourself crazy otherwise.

God Bless.
           Sam
Avatar universal
Lizzie... all I can say is I am so, so sorry...

Is there anything at this point he HASN'T tried?  Therapy, in-patient rehab, everyone cutting him off?

I am so very sorry.. you do not deserve this.. :-(
356054 tn?1218556075
Hey we don't know each other and I am very sorry to hear about your son. Your post is a very good one. This has opened my eyes to the damage I have caused my family over many years of drug use. So if you can take anything from your tragedy it is that you have helped someone. I pray that things do get better for you and your son wakes up one day before it is to late. I hate to think of what my mom went through when i was young. You seem like one hell of a strong woman and I hope you are soon blessed by all the prayers that are said for you.
199177 tn?1490502134
Lizzie,
One of the hardest things a parent has to do is watch one of there Children destroying there life and know  there is nothing we can do to fix it . It not like when there little and we can control things in there life.
Lizzie this is all up to him he has to make a choice as to whether he wants to destroy his life or whether he wants to get it back on track.
I dont thing as addicts we realize the damage we do to everyone that loves us until we read a post like yours.....I will say a prayer.I really hope he chooses life.
Avatar universal
I was always here reading your posts since probably day 1. Im still here and I post sometimes. I wish to God I had a mother like you when I was growing up. Someone to guide me in the right direction and really get on my ars when I went in the wrong direction. You care so much and you're not an enabler. Please dont make yourself sick though, maybe its just an all nighter and thats it. Lets pray.
186166 tn?1385262982
thank you for the comments...just needed to vent.  it just hurts sooo much to see your child killing himself.
first thing i did when i found out is to call my mother...his enabler.  of course she gave him money this morning.  no matter what i tell her...she does what she wants to do.  it is out of my hands.

sooooo...he just sent me a text message as i was writing this.  the same old thing..."mom, i'm sorry i let you down again.  i'm eating, taking my medicine, and going to bed".   i replied with..."i'm not who you need to worry about now...you let your wife down".

i know that he is an addict...but i refuse to let him use that as an excuse to use.  he has been to several rehabs in the past ten years and he knows what it takes to remain clean.  he just does not follow through.  he will admit that he cannot do it alone...but he will not take the steps...he lives about two blocks from nightly NA meetings...but has never walked through the door.

hopsing...i'm glad you were able to take something from my post.  i hope that you could "hear" my tears.  i always wondered how the addict would feel if the situation was reversed.  how would christian have felt if "i" was a bad mother...if i was an addict...if i had been selfish...if i had gone to prison...if i had HIV??????  the damage an addict can bring to a family is hard to repair...and sometimes it cant be done.  i'm so SICK of addiction!

Avatar universal
When you bashed me in the other thread claiming all kinds of false things about me, maybe you were actually venting on me what you feel about your son.  I have a beautiful, and wonderful fiancee, with tons of people that love and support me.. I am actually a very nice person, and prefer love over war..

Seems you might have wanted to not throw stones in a glass house hunny!  BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR SON!
325131 tn?1227188381
I know how much it hurts to worry about a son. My son was on a fast track with LSD, extacy, and whatever he could get. I was expecting the phone to ring with his dad telling me he was gone everyday. Then he did go to prison for 2 years. He is out now and using on and off. I am working on giving him to God. Of course that is a work in progress. Turn him over (to God) take him back, turn him over take it back etc. I know I can't Make him get sober. I don't have the money my friend who had her daughter put into a rehab against her will. I'm not sure if that would work for most addicts. We need to admit we have a problem and want help (in my opinion)
There is alanon for family of addicts or alcoholics. I know that would help you for sure. Come here too. It's good to have the convience of the online forum also.
God Bless
Love and Peace
186166 tn?1385262982
spoken like a true addict!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont think i "bashed" you...i questioned you.  seems like you are a little touchy...may have something to do with the fact that you cant get past the first 24 hours to see if you can put your theory to the test.
Avatar universal
GOSH--- i am so very sorry...And i can feel your pain..We addicts don't realize what we do to the ones who love us.
just know your post has helped me to keep trucking....Over 4 months clean and i will do everything in my power to never hurt my family again...
beleive me when i say your post has helped me...I just wish there was something i could do to help you, and take away some of your pain
god bless you kim
love u
r2r
Avatar universal
58 HOURS CLEAN AND SOBER!  It is hell, but I AM WILLING TO DO THE HARD WORK... I AM WILLING TO GET HELP.. I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE RIGHT STEPS!!  

186166 tn?1385262982
well then one of us cant add.  on jan 14...at 10 something p.m...you posted that you took three percoset (think that was what it was) and that you had three more to take that night.

so what you are saying is that you are clean and sober from just oxys...guess the percs dont count?????  did you state that it was your "mom" that brought those pills to you?

Avatar universal
I truly am sorry that your son is hurting you so bad that you feel the need to bash on me and nit pick about everything I am doing here!

I AM HERE FOR SUPPORT! NOT FOR PEOPLE TO RUN ME DOWN!  

I AM HERE TO SUPPORT ADDICTS THAT NEED HELP, AND RECIEVE HELP AS WELL.  ALL YOU ARE DOING IS BEING NEGATIVE.. I WILL NO LONGER PARTICIPATE IN YOUR BANTER!
Avatar universal
I just wanted to say once again how sorry I am for you, and certain people shouldn't come on certain posts, especially as emotional as this one is, just to say ha, ha in your face. How rude!

Again hang in there. Pray, and have Faith.
I had a post with a very hopeful, inspirating, blah, blah, blah message I found in a book of mine, I am going to put it at the top again, and I would really like you (Lizzie or is it Kim?) anyways I think you would like it.

          Sam
186166 tn?1385262982
thank you sam.  dont worry about it...i am used to hearing "the addict" doing the talking.

i will look for the post.

kim (lizzie lou is my chihuahua that is in the picture with me)
Avatar universal
I just think this should stay at the top for awhile. WAKE some people up, ya know?
218451 tn?1274998152
Pillow Fight,

In this corner, weighing in at probably 150 lbs Lizzy Lou!!!
In this corner weighing god knows what? Oxyaddict420!!!!

I want a clean fight! Fighters ready? DING! DING!
Avatar universal
Naw man, All I want is to support and help being supported through my detox and addiction issues.. I am bigger than this.. I will admit that the comments she made has upset me, but NO MORE!  I am commited to get clean, and obviously he son isnt and she takes that out onto me!

GOD BLESS EVERYONE TRYING TO GET CLEAN
Avatar universal
Again, back to the top.

Good Night................Sam
Avatar universal
I'm sorry you're having to endure this heartache. Meth is an especially nasty drug due to all the toxic ingredients that go into making it. It will destroy a person in good health, much more someone who's system is already compromised. If your son doesn't care about his own health and what it's doing to him he should at least have the common courtesy to consider what it's doing to you, his Mother. My best wishes to you and him both.

As far as oxysponge and his life partner are concerned, just try to ignore them and hopefully Medhelp staff will take the appropriate measures to put and end to their lovefest and childish behavior, for the good of us all.
387782 tn?1205123841
I know I havent been here very long, but please everyone...we are all here to support eachother and keep eachother on the right track. Let's try to remember that. Im sorry Lizzi Lou for what you're going through, you have been extremely helpful to me, everyone here has...i dont want to see any of you upset since you are all helping me so much. We are all good people going through a lot right now and we all just need to stick together as much as possible. Good luck everyone, you will all be in my thoughts tonight as I try to get to sleep. I have so much on my mind, wish me luck.
388261 tn?1215403444
Wow. As a mother myself, I certainly understand your pain and anger. I have an 11 year old son, and sometimes, I turn around my addiction and think, what if HE were doing this? And it scares me.

You love and love a child so much, that it actually physically causes you pain when they are sitting there hurting themselves.

You know Lizzie, I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation. I mean, I think me being an addict, I will be able to spot the signs of drug use very early. But, what the hell do you do? Sit back and watch them continue to kill themselves?

That is exactly how my Mother and Father feel about me right now. I am on a good program, tapering off, and finally getting the much needed support from family. But I think what's happening to you, has to be one the the hardest things to go through as a Mother.

Vent all you want. You have every right to be angry. It's that damned thing called a Mother's love getting in the way.  : )

I hope your son get his head out of his arse cleans up. But sometimes, you have to let them go in order to live yourself.

At least that is what my parents did with me. But, I got lucky, I had a son, and was on again off again clean and sober. I just do not know what I would ever do if I had to contend with my son doing drugs. Well, besides kick his a$$. : )

Anyways, I wish you all the best. Right now, you need to take care of your pain. If he doesn't care about himself, then how can he care about his actions towards others? You will always love him, but right now, you just don't like him. (What my Mother used to tell me)

Peace  : )

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