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Avatar universal

cincee

it has aslways seemed to me whenever i used everything in my life would go wrong, when i used  i would get flat tires every week.
when i used i got arrested at least 50 times' for things that i was not even part of doing.
i think they call it murphy's law , well it always had a strangle hold on my life ,whenever i  did drugs.
I somtimes thought it was my father praying for me, so i
would say to him stop praying for me , i crashed my car,
lost my job and broke my ankle  that week.

there is the other side of this story, once i started on the
road of staying clean the oppisite happened, everythin that could go right did, instead of spending my money on drugs,
and buying 5 dollar tires at the junk yard  i, bought sears steel belted raidels and never got a flat agian.
i never got arrested agian, inever lost my job agian,
i got custdy of my kids, ect, ece,
when i got clean and went to meetings it was like i was invisible
to the cops, and invisible to bad things coming my way.

i am writing this because  cincee posted that the only na meeting she could find was i the bad lands,in her town
and she would not go there unarmed, well my experence
has always been ,whenever we make that effort or surrender to
go to meetings , we seem to be invisible to trouble.
i grew up in the bad lands in philly so i understand her concern.
when ever i went back to the badlands to start meetings
or attend them i was a little leary but nothing ever happened.
CINCEE -call the na hotlone and ask , there are a lot of meetings not listed , talk to smeone sbout ,in your area.
111 Responses
Avatar universal
Abso*^%$inglutely!! There are no dues or fees--the only requirement is to be genuine and want to help one onother.  By the way, I'll be thinking of you in the next few days w/ your sister's visit and all.  How long will she be there?  Can you tell her to get the pills outta there if you feel yourself slipping?  Will you be patting her down as she walks through the front door? LOL  I hope you can take a few minutes each day to post to us here and let us know how you're doing so  we can cheer you on.  Take care--Peaz

P.S. I feel inferior because I didn't do a Glam-o-rama....
Avatar universal
Im glad that you are having a good day.You do sound chipper.I am doing lots better this afternoon.Back to my silly old self lol hey,we got another giiiiiiiiirl(yuck) for the team.

pixi

ps
think i could have your old job?
Avatar universal
Hi everyone, been away for a few days. On day 15 out of 21 of a Methadone taper program, and so far have felt no physical discomfort, but the mental part is really difficult. My mind is running loops around itself trying to convince me to take more narcotics, to not allow me to be happy without the drugs, and to think about the narcotics all the time. (youknowyouwantityouknowyouwantityouknowyouwantit...)Also, I am having trouble in my relationship with my girlfriend. Since I have been loaded with her ever since the beginning of our courtship about 1 year ago, now that I am getting sober I am not sure how I feel about her. I still care about her immensely, and I think she is a special person, but I might have fallen out of love for her. Or I might never have been in love with her in the first place. Also, my sex drive has become nonexistant since tapering off on the methadone, anyone else experience this negative side effect? It just seems that I can never feel happy enough or attractive enough to get in a sexy mood. Also, my mind has me totally preoccupied with drugs, so that sex doesn't even factor in. I know that this will get better with time, but I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.
Avatar universal
Girls, got god's sake, get to a salon!  Do it today!

My sister has literally put those fat white pill in my hand before.  And she'll have the big ones if she's got 'em.  Last few days her phone calls have been VERY short.  If she's using, she'll know that I know if we talk for long.  Takes one to know one;)

About sex-drive, on my 9th day (according to Pixi) of total ct, and my sex drive is way back on.  Might be lack of opiates, might be feeling free, might be the recipe, I don't know, but I'll take it.

Moxy, I don't think you should make any relationship decisions right now.  You're feelings are not dependable.

Tapering is Hell!  I've never been able to do it, but I understand that with Methadone you really should.

I will be scarce on the boards with the impending visit, but will get in when I can.  I especially want to hear about Chezz and Sean.
Avatar universal
Moxy,

That's very different from my experience. My sex drive absolutely dies on opiates! It has been brutal on my wife and the source of much dishonesty (luckily, I managed to perform at least once, and she got pregnant, so she is not feeling up to sex pretty much right now). It's when I start to taper off the opiates that my sex drive come roaring back...

Everyone: I just got back from the clinic and got my first dosage of bup (a gelatinous capsule that dissolves under the tongue). I'm to go back for 4 more days. Over the weekend, they are available with additional "pill packs"; that is, a menu of clonidine, doxepin, bonnatal, flexeril, and Motrin 800. I get one of these pill packs everyday that are meant to supplement to bup. I'm hoping that I won't need all these extra supplements, that I can store them up in case I do need them over the weekend, and that way, I won't have to make up some lie to get me to the clinic over the weekend.

It feels good to at least be trying to get clean. Man, it feels like so long. I have proven to myself that I am completely helpless against the power of these pills and that I simply cannot taper (that myth kept me using at least a month or two longer than necessary).

I know I'm going to need the support of the people here as the drugs wear off and I'm faced with the me that I've been trying to hide ever since I picked up again last March.

Thanks for being here.
Avatar universal
Good for you Sean.It takes alot of will to do it, but if anyone ever had a reason to stop this cycle,it's you.
                      Good luck,
                        bmac
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