day 10 no oxys! On to the mental part of this mess

[skiddy666]

so ya day 10 no oxys i feel tons better physicaly. because of twolve and gizzy32 I'll be staying at med help this place is wounderful and even through continuing destructive abuse behavior complete strangers are willing to listen and help. So I thought I'd give u a little more in depth background about me so maby I can get some help mentaly here and maby some things cleared up. So first off to make things clear I am honestly about 90% wanting to stop all drug use but that 10% part of me still loves them... Iv been forced stimulants and asorted amphetamines, anti depressants since six years old due to my ADHD and depression.. My father is a strong pyscological,verbaly abusive person physicaly at times but nothing seemed to push his buttons like missing a day of meds at that age I had no desire to take these pills every morning in fact I hated it I didnt want any thing to do with chemicals. Although curious about weed at a very young age i knew nothing about drug types effects why I needed them and so on. Iv been on them over half my life I think with my dad and my family history of substance abuse it equaled a bad recipe for disaster. I started smoking weed in 7th grade surrounded by any drug I wanted I still only used weed and even then maby only once a month. Curiosity started getting the best of me and I began searching for new highs even huffing computer air  duster for a short time I began to think drugs were less and less scary and now if tried just about every thing but meth and crack.

[justme__]

I have a similar background to yours skiddy.. My dad too was abusive (verbally mostly but physically to my mother) and my mom used to shove medicines down my throat since I was 9. Codein, vicodins... anything to get me to be quiet about "not feeling well". At 15 I was hooked on Meth (which you never tried and NEVER should) I was on that for 5 years and all in between was doing stupid stuff like shrooms, cocaine, acid... huffing paint, smoking weed... stuff like that. I eventually quit 2 and 1/2 years ago meth and have been hooked on pain killers forever and its the last habit I have to kick. I am now 8 days sober off of norcos and mentally I think you may be supressing how your father is treating you. Thats what I have been doing all these years and you need to go to counseling or a psychiatrist to get help about the feelings and emotions you have and the reasons you turn to drugs to forget about things. I can relate to you sooo well and I really wish you the best. There is lots of hope for you yet you are so young and I know you'll come out of it. You're already looking for help which is the first step. Keep your head up and be an example to those who need your help as you grow up... they are gonna need you! [=

[skiddy666]

why the hell do they perscribe a stimulant for ADHD that sounds so stupid! I dont see a benefit other than I can stay awake all night on acident and come noon I feel numb in the head

[gizzy32]

did you know there is an ADHD forum here also? stick around here, but maybe check that one out to see if you can get any info

[skiddy666]

if been taking new ADHD,sleeping and antideppresion meds .. All perscribed my by doctor in aug 3

[skiddy666]

the cop might live there but he's a west valley cop and I live in holiday... The first time I saw the car was Monday never seen it before... It leaves at night but I look at the window and there he is all day long!

[gizzy32]

are you messing around or for real. no worries on this site. are you sure the cop dosen't live there, lol? what did you use today? what's going on skiddy

[skiddy666]

its not safe on here any one could read this I think people are watching me! There's been a cop parked 2 houses down for 4 days now

[gizzy32]

skiddy, most of us here have messed up, i have way too many times. don't be ashamed, but we are here if you want to talk. what's going on. did you use today?

[avik7]

good job on the day 10..i started to abuse many drugs at the age of 14 and im 18 days clean. so good luck to u. u can do this! just wondering do u believe in god...just curious saw the 666 after ur name

[gizzy32]

what's going on skiddy??? you can post, what happened

[twolve]

what did u do man

[skiddy666]

I.  Can't post any more I just incriminated myself!

[cathy5841]

oh dont give in to those cravings...you cant use responsibly..no such thing for an addict.

[skiddy666]

thanks gizzy. Iv been having major cravings today I have the thought floating around up there that i can use them responsible but I know I'll end up addicted again witch pisses me off!

[gizzy32]

i think it's great your posting and have been  honest. you said 10% of you still loves them, so i'll be honest 50% of me still loves coke, although i despise it. your doing great and happy your sticking around. don't make me bit ch at you again, hahahaha.

CONGRATS on day 10

[tommm70]

Just curious, are you seeing a therapist or counselor? If not, you may want to look into it. It sounds like you have a lot to talk about regarding your family.

The mental aspect of addiction recovery is so often overlooked and under estimated because of the immediate pain and suffering of physical withdrawal. This is where I miscalculated. I was not ready for cravings, or depression. But they are there, every day at first.

Keep working hard, you are doing great so far.

[cathy5841]

hey skiddy, good job on that 10 days.  i know its hard..but you wont regret it.  please look into na meetings in your area.  they help so much and give you that little push to get and stay clean.   i too loved drugs til i got clean and could see what a destructive path they had led me down.  you really can be drug free and lead a productive life.  you are so young you can move on with out regrets.  sorry about your dad, i know thats gotta contribute to you drug infactuation....but dont think it is an excuse to use...IT IS NOT!!!!!  keep on fighting.

[desperate1111]

And you're only 16. You should see if there are any programs designed for teenagers/kids to stay away from drugs in your area. You could help other kids. I'm sorry your dad is so abusive. You sound like a intellegent person. Please stay away from drugs.

[twolve]

First of all buddy, it will be hard to find people on this website that didn't "love" drugs when they were doing them, and at first nobody was sure if they wanted to stop. Your totally normal so far even though you dont realize it. I still think about how great i would feel if i snorted an oxy occasionally but heres how i think about it..Some things in life would make you feel great, but the price is just too much so you cant do it. Your 16 I bet you would love an AMAZING car, but you cant afford it so you cant have it. Drugs are just like that in my mind. Ofcourse they make you feel good, they are chemically altered to do just that, but the price you pay for that high just simply is something you cannot afford, and neither can i. Were always here for you man..