Aa
day 13 or 14.. lost count
The last two days have sucked. I can't explain it but I feel so weird. Very unsettled. Nothing I do calms it. I put music on and I instantly want to get drunk. I don't know. I feel like something is missing. I feel like I'm nuts. One minute happy for no reason. Like happy happy but them 20 minutes later crying. I can't lose the empty and it makes me want to fill it with something. I haven't been completely sober in 24 years. I feel like ... I can't explain it. I went to a na meeting. It was ok bit when I left. .. I wanted a pill. Why? ??? So annoyed with myself. I didn't take anything but I did get drunk. Then felt liked **** worse after. What to do? ??
Hi Lisah ....im so happy to here your going to N/A meeting it is a big step....Please give the meeting a chance once your comfortable get a sponsor and work the 12 steps......I can only tell you what works for me my 35ys of addiction I tryed a just about ever thing but like you I craved every time something cam up it is the N/A program that has tought me how to not only stay clean but it has shown me a new way of life I still go to 4 meeting a week I have a sponsor I work the steps and recovery was possible as addicts we need to change the very way we think to recover.. I wish you all the luck in the world it is up to you to do the next right thing.....................Gnarly...........
Sweetheart I am proud of you. You are being real honest with yourself and with us. Girl, this is totally NORMAL. I don't like to give this kind of advice, especially to those early in recovery but...Your boyfriend putting pills in your hand? Not cool. I don't think it's a great idea to make huge life decisions when early in recovery (and you are but in the infancy stage) but living with someone that is using and is putting your DOC in front of you is kinda a recipe for disaster. I would say you need some distance. And a LOT of support. Keep hitting those meetings girl. Spend as much time with sober people as you can. In my first year of recovery I did not spend any time with any one using anything. I surrounded myself with sobriety. And the emptiness? I filled it up with volunteer work. I started working with at risk youth and women who were recovering from abuse (as I myself was) This filled me up in a way I had never been filled. It also led me to my current career path which is the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. I feel a lot of things a lot of the time...Pain, loneliness, sadness, fear, joy, hurt etc. But I never feel empty. Because I worked hard in therapy and in group to figure out the empty spots and I filled them with self love. I believe in you Lesah and you should believe in yourself. I can tell from your posts that you're one tough cookie.
From one tough cookie to another- take care of yourself. The rest takes care of itself.
xo
Lu
From one tough cookie to another- take care of yourself. The rest takes care of itself.
xo
Lu
great posts by Open and Jenelle. Lesah am am with you, almost day for day. I am at day 12 today, and after about 2pm I have been in just a hazy cloud, almost like I was high. I felt kinda sick, and just out of it. Your situation sounds a bit unique with your boyfriend. I didnt read your original post, so my question is does your boyfriend know you are trying to quit and does he support your decision? If so, you need to get really, real with him and say I don't want to to see another pill. That situation is just setting yourself up for help.
You sound like you really want to quit, because turning down that opportunity would be extremely tough for each of us to have pills in hand and not swallow them.
The days will get better, I promise. Stay strong, lay doown the law with your boyfriend, and keep fighting.
We will get through this together.
Bones
You sound like you really want to quit, because turning down that opportunity would be extremely tough for each of us to have pills in hand and not swallow them.
The days will get better, I promise. Stay strong, lay doown the law with your boyfriend, and keep fighting.
We will get through this together.
Bones
Lesah congratulations on your clean time!!
Hang in there, its still very early : )
Hang in there, its still very early : )
Hang in there honey, 2 weeks is awesome, but still very early in the game. Its the time when your addict brain is at war with you, saying "hey we need a pill in here!!! What do you mean no more? Come on, get us a pill now! " It is a mental battle but one that you can win! May I suggest getting out of your own head by helping others crossover? It will fill that hole, make you feel good and reinforce what you have learned so far. Don't isolate and hang on becauseit will get easier I promise!
It's just one day at a time. It will get better. You are getting through it.
When will your casts come off? You can start making a list of what you want to do then. What you want to change - work home etc etc..... You will give you something to plan for, look forward too. It has to really stink but it too will pass.
Keep going forward. Leave all the crap in the past.
When will your casts come off? You can start making a list of what you want to do then. What you want to change - work home etc etc..... You will give you something to plan for, look forward too. It has to really stink but it too will pass.
Keep going forward. Leave all the crap in the past.
It just feels like a forever thing. I feel like I make ppl not want to be around me because im constantly fighting m y head. I get pills put in my hand daily smh. My boyfriend will say. . Put these up... I just look at the 10 15s and sweat. He don't get it. I even took a couple and hid them so he'd think I took them. He didn't Notice they were gone. Im in a ****** up situation. I can't work because of my casts so I have no money to go. I just deal. Daily. It *****
I'm sorry you are feeling badly! This happens to every single person that goes off any addiction. I surely felt the same way you do, I have been off methadone nearly 14 months now and I still have those days. My days now are better of course but at the beginning of withdrawal/detox I totally felt like you do and it lasted a very long time with me, but I persisted. I had the loving support of my caring husband, I hope you have someone you can turn to in these times because it makes a huge difference. I remember getting out of bed ( never hardly sleeping at all ) and just standing by my bed thinking, " how am I going to get through this day"? It seemed like torture to me to go through a whole day without taking something to make myself feel better, life looks grim at this point but it does get better! You just have to make up your mind that you are going to do this and go for it. I know it is hard to make yourself do things, but as the others above said, keeping yourself busy is the best thing you can do. I forced myself to walk a little over 2 miles every single day and I felt like crap but did it anyway and I was always glad when it was over because I did feel better, exercise really makes a big difference.You are really doing a great job so far, keep up the good work and keep posting! All the best to you.
That feeling of emptiness will go away. My experience with 3 detoxes in 4 years were periods of depression. Lots of empty feelings came and went. Soon they stayed away completely. Lesah, just know that it isn't going to be like this the rest of your life. It will quickly pass. That's why we take life one day at a time. Glad to hear about the NA meetings in your recovery plan. I go also. That brief good feeling you felt after the meeting? That's what surrounding ourselves in the atmosphere of recovery does. And it gets better and better. We go there to change. We work our program of recovery by changing our thinking. If we don't change nothing changes. That solution and others are there for the taking. We're never alone with our disease again. If you have phone numbers of NA members call them. I know how it goes. Sometimes that phone can weigh 150 lbs. but once you get going talking to another recovering addict, it really lifts you up quick.
As an addict, I could never control the use of drugs including alcohol. It's not how much I used, it's my reaction to it. Only you know the answer to what happens to you when you use any mind altering drugs. For me, I had to finally leave the party because the party had been over for quite some time. Drugs quit working for me. I used to live and lived to use.
Just keep doing what you're doing Lesah. I know you know that using won't make that feeling better. Don't use no matter what. Stay in the now. It will absolutely get much better for you. Peace and serenity is in your future.
As an addict, I could never control the use of drugs including alcohol. It's not how much I used, it's my reaction to it. Only you know the answer to what happens to you when you use any mind altering drugs. For me, I had to finally leave the party because the party had been over for quite some time. Drugs quit working for me. I used to live and lived to use.
Just keep doing what you're doing Lesah. I know you know that using won't make that feeling better. Don't use no matter what. Stay in the now. It will absolutely get much better for you. Peace and serenity is in your future.
I keep trying to do things but then I end up sitting there thinking how to make v that empty **** go away
About 11/2 to 2 years with the percs. I was up to 90 mgs a day. Smoked weed 24 years and drank a lot for a few years but quit that a while ago. Ppl keep saying it wasn't that long or that bad worth b the pills but to me. .. it feels that bad. And worse
Hi lesah, you are in what I call the roller coaster of the detox/withdrawal process. You are over the acute physical part, and now the emotional part kicks in. I understand how you feel. First, drinking will not help you at all. As you say, it made you feel worse. Try to take things one step at a time. Keep your body and mind occupied. Get outside, if you can in the fresh air, and take a walk. It will help clear your head. For me, keeping myself busy, and being outside as much as possible, really helped. You can do this! Best wishes, stay strong, and keep moving forward. Continue posting for support.
It's normal what your feeling your very early in! Becareful with drinking even though that wasn't your doc it won't help you any!
What were you taking and for how long? I'm sorry if you already me ruined this
What were you taking and for how long? I'm sorry if you already me ruined this
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