Avatar universal

day 2 and i am fading fast

I am a little more then 2 days in and I feel like I am mentally falling apart. I am going to fold tomorrow when I have 2 calls saying there in. I know it. I don't want to but I feel like such a loser and so out of control. I can't do this alone but I don't have an option. I can't help but to realize if I don't do this now I will be here until im in my 50s and crying about how I lost everything.
20 Responses
2333944 tn?1342912367
Yes, you are probably right.   All l can say is reach down within yourself and give it a few more days.   If you really want to quit, right now, call the pharmacy and tell them you are an addict and don't want the prescriptions refilled.

Now, come on.   You can do this.   Don't give up.
3038444 tn?1345694749
Why don't you void those scripts?  Having them looming over you can make is process much harder than it needs to be.  I can tell you that there are many vitamins, supplements and over the counter remedies that you can take to aid the body in recovery.  What specific symptoms are you having? Also, what and how long you were abusing can be helpful in providing advice.  You need to want this NOW. Your commitment to this is everything.  Addiction is cunning and is just waiting for you to have a moment of weakness. Have you tried going to NA meetings?  Having a network has been a godsend for me.  Any time I feel weak and am contemplating using, they are just a phone call away.  Be strong, it does get better.  I know that everyone says that, and I had the hardest time believing it would, but it has.  Keep your head up and keep trying.  We are all here for you.
3149845 tn?1506627771
Are these pharmacy calls your waiting for a a dealer?
Avatar universal
I have no pharmacy refill. I have a dealer. I have been using for about 3 yrs and its been about 1500 a week habit if not more. I did try NA when I was still using n I want to go back I just can't today I feel like I can't even get a hold of myself n shower n go ne where. I have the body aches. Sleeplessness mostly mentally telling my self so go n take that 3 hr drive and you will suffer no more! But I know its just starts all over again. I been using 10mg perks. Sometime 30 to 50 a day. It's sick. I am sick!
3112653 tn?1351622081
oh my dear please dont give in to it. trust me you can beat this I will not lie to you it wont be comfy but as you have read in posts it can be done. and I'm telling you once you a free from those chains it gets so much better. please reach out to us we are here and I will say what everyone says cause its so true cut all sources. If you can get em it makes it so much harder. and the mental part is as you said so very hard I was pulling my hair out and wanten to climb the walls but it passed Oh sure I still think about em that wont go away but its not everyday and its not anxiety either. its now just a part of my recovery please hang in there and dont give up there are so many wonderful ppl on here that will help you through this they saved my life. your friend solost
3120424 tn?1347170032
'stick to the fight when you're hardest hit. it's when things go wrong that you must not quit.' I know that's so much easier said than done but its doable and the payoff is nothing short of AMAZING. Look at the Thomas recipe.
2333944 tn?1342912367
It is heartbreaking to read that you are taking so much, spending so much.   You feel yourself folding....and you know you are ruining your life.   I don't even know you and I could cry, just thinking about you.   Do you have anyone to help you?   Do you have a doctor?   Anyway you can get into rehab?
Avatar universal
Hi Kme.. This is the saddest part for me also.. taking so many has such a risk of respiratory failure.. I will send a Prayer for you Kme that you make the decision today to Live.. To fight for your life for this is what you are doing.. Please keep talking Please keep reaching out.. warmly lesa
Avatar universal
Hey there!!! It's been a while!! I see ur still battling.  Look I never imagine my life clean. I never saw a day I wasn't taking pills. But I was slowly killing myself.  I made the decision to get sober and with the help of these awesome people I did it.  I was taking a lot of norco. I went through 120 in 3 days. That's sick!!! I was tired of it. I knew people looked down on me. I'm better then that and so are u. I got rid of my supplier. I told him not to sell to me anymore. I surrounded myself with support.   U know where it got me?? It got me sober!!! 115 days and counting. I've had some tough issues I've had to face and I faced it on my own. No more hiding behind pills. I've taken responsibility.. U can do this. Please give it all u got and I promise u will feel so much better!!!!  Big hugs
Avatar universal
Well thanks for your pitty but its not needed here. I think we all know what we are doing when we are addicted. I am here trying to change it before I do lose it all. I have gotten myself into a a lot of debt but I have a good job. It however is not the kind of job that will allow me to have an addiction and stay in working status. They will kick me to the curb but after they beat me up and leave a black spot on my life. I am working thru this. And you are all the biggest reason I am. Thanks you to all of you!
Avatar universal
Hi dixi! I am glad to hear you are still going strong! I am praying I can make it there too! I can't stop crying thinking about how much trouble I am in and I have no where to turn for help! I cry because I feel like a loser . I am doing my best. The idea of going to get them is weighing heavy on my soul so I think that's a good thing. I hope its gona help when I need to be talked out of it!
Avatar universal
You're in a tough spot. Not many people can get this done totally alone and this is why...

I'm concerned because of the high dose you've been on. It's rough to CT from that amount. If you had someone to work with you, maybe you could taper which would be a lot more gentle...

Right now, all you've got is you...you need to help yourself dig way down and shut your phone off and ignore the dealer(s).

Are you in the medical field?
Avatar universal
Listen sweetie. If I kept going the way I was I probably would have ended in jail. In jail!!!!  That scared the crap out of me. My kids need me my family needs me. And u know what?? I need u. I need u to do this for me for u!!! I cried I screamed and grabbed handfuls of pills but I was torturing my body and u are too!!  U need to stop. I promise I didn't believe I could get past this but I did. And u know what has kept me clean?? Hell week. I don't ever want to experience that again. I'm smiling again I'm laughing again. I'm that awesome person I was before I did all this to myself and u can be too. U don't need those pills. U want them.. Why?? Really why??  It took time to get myself back to how I was but I did!!  I prayed I listened to music. I connected with people here to carry me. Do it!!! U can do this ok. Tell yourself ur done and be done. Please!!! We care about what ur doing. Ok. Please don't give in. I've got ur back!!! Xo hugs
2116781 tn?1337036879
I am presently on day 17. NEVER thought  would say that. I was in your shoes, no exactly how you are feeling. You have to remind yourself that it only gets better.  Know it's hard, but reclaimminhlg your life is sooooo worth it. Find  the strength from within, and hold on tight. Keep posting, everyone on here is awesome, and together this addiction can and will be beat!!!!! Dont let go.
Avatar universal
I know how lonely and frustrating this part of WDs is, Christ everyone here does... But now is the time you turn to that piece of yourself that made you decide to quit, and has help you ignore the calls and be as strong as you been up to now and turn to that and ask the questions of why you are trying to quit? Why you are posting on this forum? Why you want to live pill free and have your normal life back? Focus not on how you will feel if you get the pills but instead on how you WILL feel when your through this process... You can do it!!!
1416133 tn?1351123217
You okay?  You haven't posted for a few hours.
Avatar universal
Hey there I totally know where ur coming from, I have been addicted to 10 mg norcs, bout 12-16 a day, I too only get them from a dealer, however mine is $ 350 a week.  I know the struggle ur going through, I geo through it every time I start to run out, and I look at my bank acct, and constantly barely scraping by just to fulfill my habit, otherwise I would prolly have money in the bank, getting back on track, I'm 33 and I never thought this would be me, but that's what I get for pointing the finger, got 3 pointing right back at me.  You know if u really want to stop or not, my best advice, or should I say, what worked for me was giving my bottle to my mom, and she would divvy them out to me, but she would also ask if I really needed it, and she would even leave one out at night in case I woke up with the shakes, I think it's important if your goin to have someone help you, that person be understanding, and not try to force you, because all in all, your not gonna stop iF ur ready, and someone forcing u can have neg reaction at least IMO
Avatar universal
I joined this group in 2010 with an intend to have a support group to quit this habit. Oh those yellow candies. Norcos.
But then I backed out. I quit CT 3 times. The longest that I was clean was 3 weeks. I get my script legally from a happy doc. 120 pills for 20 days. A lot of times I finish them in 10 days and I'd be buying them. Or borrowing them
The environment that I was in didn't help. Almost everyone were in Norco program.
I didn't have strong enough will power to quit.
I moved to a different state 10 days ago.
I planned to detox before I moved. But excuses excuses.
So I just turned 33 3 days ago and I thought... I've been taming these pills for 5 years. I don't even feel the high. I just take them just as a habit.

I think it's good that I moved away from the enablers...
But the addict in me gets really scared about running out of pills.

I bought all the ingredients for Thomas recipe and I have Valium n Xanax.
Darn, I shouldve asked for more Valium.

I really want to quit tomorrow.
It's the perfect timing. I'm on vacation ... My boyfriend who is unaware of my addiction just got a new job... So he's super busy. I can just pass this on as having a cold.

wish me luck!!!!
Avatar universal
It will be my day 1 tomorrow....
We can do this together!!!!
Avatar universal
Well I made it thru last night. Went to bed super early. Now I am sitting here off from work and nothing to do. I am going back n fourth in my head if I am going to make it. I wish I didn't have the whole day alone now. I am not in the medical field its worse then that. I honestly am to afraid to say right now. I am praying I get thru this today!
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