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960021 tn?1270662682

deathly scared right now -- need help.

So my doctor saw that I had an appointment with him today, and he called me and said he'd be unavailable (family emergency) and he wanted to see what was going on. That's when I told him that I felt like I had an issue with these pills. I told him that I felt like even though the pills were helping, I felt like I was dependant and addicted to them, in a way. I couldn't help myself and I started to get emotional over the phone with him as well. I don't know what to do, so obviously I called him. He told me that this is what he figured, and he asked me for my previous doctor's number because he said it sounded like I was in need of pain management for this.

If you all knew me, then you'd know that I'm a very nervous person at times. I'm full of energy and everything sunshiny or whatever, too; But right now I feel like I'm in trouble for something, you know? He told me that as soon as he called my old doctor (whom I haven't seen in well over six months now) he would call me back. I just don't understand -- I don't want to be in trouble. Does anyone have any advice to help me calm down my nerves right now? I don't know why, but I have a feeling that I'm going to be in trouble with someone somewhere down the line, even though I know that I really haven't done anything wrong...

23 Responses
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Avatar universal
I would suggest some breathing exercises first of all.  Deep - - in with a ten count and all the way to the Bhudda belly.................now out to that same ten count and all the way out....repeat several times.   Its not illegal or anything to seek help from an MD.....He actually works for you and in your interest. His job is to help you and assist you with medical concerns. That is what you have. Chill out. As long as ya havent floated any fake RX's or anything you have not committed any offense. Its far from illegal to have a narcotic problem and need advice.....and its the Docs job to either give you or refer you to that advice. Time to quit worrying about that and fully concentrate on recovery - - - -
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Avatar universal
Good morning.. It does not sound like you are in trouble at all.. with speaking with your old doctor it sounds as if he is trying to move you forward.. sometimes we really do not make ourselves clear as emotions can get in the way.. the part about pain management is scary they also offered me this.. the problem is they give you harder drugs a lot of the time while you are being monitored that you are taking the drugs as prescribed .. to help keep you in check.. perhaps you did not make it clear that you want off all drugs and would like alternative treatment.. this is the fight for our recovery.. I do not think you abused so if you had your pills over to your husband for the taper.. this would be good.. then when you are off reproach your Dr. clean and tell him you have decided you prefer to do this without opiates as you do not feel they are beneficial for long term pain control.. Our make it very clear that this is your desire.. I get the feeling he is trying to help you.. Only not the direction you would like.. I'm sorry for this.. But where there is a will there is a way.. I know you are allergic to a lot of the home remedy stuff so do your research.. Doctors make us nervous but do not worry.. You have done nothing wrong.. lesa
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960021 tn?1270662682
I was sure to tell him that I didn't want the pills, and he knows this because he cut me off cold turkey. I told him that instead of going cold turkey, I'd rather have a back up plan with all of this. I'm scared of withdrawls and what may happen. I know I can get through this, though! I've calmed down since I spoke with him because I called back and spoke with the nurse he has in the office. I told her that I felt as though he sort of cut me off when we spoke, and I didn't like not knowing what to expect next. That is when she told me that he was more than likely just getting the whole story, and advancing me to pain management to ween off of these drugs. She also told me that there are a LOT of patients of his and others that are going through this right now, and that made me feel better as well. Knowing my luck, though.... HAHAHA!

Still waiting on that dreaded phone call! I'll keep you all updated!
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Avatar universal
I'm glad you called the nurse.. I can imagen Dr.s are being overwhelmed right now on the heals of tylenol and all that is coming with it.. stick to your guns.. you really have done nothing wrong.. a lot of the times when a patient comes in and ask these things.. Dr.s respect this as it is there motto first do no harm.. not all adhere to this and I can definitely attest to that !! But a lot do.. it sounds like you have a good one.. If they could experience even simulated opiate wd they would have a different view about cutting a person off.. Thank you for keeping us updated...
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960021 tn?1270662682
I know what you mean, because I feel like I have a good doctor as well. The only thing that concerns me, is the fact that I feel like his "tone" has changed with me since I told him about how I was concerned of being cut off from these pills cold turkey, you know? He was very short with me and seemed like he didn't want to help, and that is why he'd asked for my old doctor's number so that he could call and speak with her about this. I never asked why he had to talk to her, but he did mention something along the lines of he was going to see if they could give me more medicine because I was in need of pain management or something. I don't see why he thinks my old doctor's office would be able to do this if he apparently isn't able to do this.. Which, don't get me wrong he never said yes or no to anything with me over the phone. I just got the feeling, that's all.

But yes..... I was very honest with him and told him that I've never taken these pills just to take them, however the second I would feel a pain coming on - BAM - popped one to one and a half in my mouth and it's almost like instant relief for me or something. But I felt I owed it to myself to be THAT brutally honest with him about what I'm going through right now. Time's a ticking and I called my old doctor and asked that her nurse call me back as well. I told the girl over the phone what was going on right now, and she told me that my old doctor got the message to call my now doctor back, but still has yet to do so. I guess I'm just impatient and would like to have answers right now... BAHHH!  :]
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good morning......Take a deep breath and relax.  You didnt do anything wrong and i think your doctor listened to your concerns and is going to make sure you are taken care of.  Let us know what they are going to do......sara
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960021 tn?1270662682
Thanks so much for everyone's help.. I'm still waiting for him to call me back, and in the meantime I'm doing as much research as I possibly can to help me with this. Thank goodness I don't go into work today until 4pm -- HAHA -- But I have to put faith in myself as well as the doctors that they're going to know what is best for me to do at this time. In a way, I'm hoping that they put me in pain management to help me ween off of these drugs, but I don't want to take as many I was to do so. I've never done this before, so I know you all can understand where I'm coming from.

I also wanted to bring up another concern, which I hope you all will read with an open mind and not think that I'm just blaming my doctor for this..... But does anyone else ever get the feeling that a lot of doctors have no issue in writing for these pain meds and then want to brush it under the rug when that patient comes back and lets them know what's going on and what their fears are with coming off of these medications cold turkey as my doctor did to me?
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960021 tn?1270662682
I like that whole tough love approach you got going on there -- HAHA -- I'm calm now from this, I'm just anxcious to see what he has to say in response to all of this when he finally does return my phone call. I have a feeling that this is going to be a waiting game because of my luck with people in the past in the medical field.
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Avatar universal
Yes I do think this is true.. I do not think they have had enough training in in addiction but I also know with the high cost of malpractice and how many peps blame there doctors that they do get defensive.. I em allergic to all illens penicillin amoxi the whole shabang.. I have been told this sense I was a kid.. well a nurse practionioner gave me amoxicillin (sp ?) anyway she said go ahead and take it sense I could not tell her what my symptoms are just grew up with this knowledge.. I took it and my face and throat swelled got dizzy and had problems breathing.. I was so mad.. I went to my Dr. and complained.. he told me nobody forced it in your mouth you did this.. Taught me a lot that day about responsibility and if I do not agree our feel uncomfortable to look else where.. we know what we know and there is more then one opinion lol I'm glad you are feeling a lil calmer.. You have put your cards on the table I'm proud of You.. being our own advocate pays off just stay firm.. You have done nothing wrong by following your Dr.s advice...
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960021 tn?1270662682
WOW -- I can't believe that the doctor said that to you. Wait, yes I can! (HAHA, insert dry humor by me right here)

I guess what I'm afraid of is having to go look elsewhere for another doctor and tell them I need help in getting off these medicines that some other doctor has been giving me. As soon as I tell that doctor this, I feel like I'm going to be going through the same thing over and over again. It's like the blind leading the blind, as my husband put it to me lastnight. One doctor tells this doctor, then that doctor tells this doctor, and so on and so forth, allowing for me to endure yet another waiting game. By the time the waiting game is put into place yet another time, I will have run out of pills and then I will be forced to go into CT from them. If I have to do this cold turkey, then I will say that I will try my hardest, but at least I'm being honest right now with you all and myself, you know? As much faith as I have in my abilities, I also know that I should be able to place that same amount of faith within my PCP to help see me through this IMMEDIATELY without having to wait. He should know that if I have to wait right now, I'm going to be doing this CT and that's the only reason I called and told him about all of this, is because I don't wish to go this route.

I also called the doctor I saw for my back, and the burse read me my chart, where it stated that the doctor informed my PCP that I was to continue with pain management through my PCP for my pain, but my PCP is telling me that he actually spoke one on one with the doctor, and he told him a completely different story. Once again, it's like the blind leading the blind in all of this. When I said this to my PCP, I told him that the bottom line is that I need assistance in getting off all these pills that I have been putting in my mouth that he has had no problem in issuing to me every two weeks or less, even at times.
Helpful - 0
960021 tn?1270662682
I promised to keep you all updated, so here is the latest news:

The specialist I saw for my back finally called me back. My initial issue with this entire thing was my PCP cutting me off CT from these Percocets because my PCP apparently talked to the specialist, and the specialist apparently told him I was not in need of anymore narcotics. This was complete night and day from the specialist told my husband and myself when we were in the room with him, so I called and asked that he call me back so I could get to the bottom of this. The specialist called me back himself, and told me that he never spoke to my doctor about anything dealing with not taking medication for my back issues. If they think I need surgery, then of course I would need pills. HOWEVER, I told him I didn't want the pills, and needed assistance in getting off from them. That is when he told me to call my PCP back AGAIN, and let him know that he and I spoke, and that he is suggesting a tapering system to go off of these pills once and for all. The specialist also congratulated me on such a HUGE step with this process, and even though they don'r normally take the time to call their patients, and instead they have a nurse do that for them... He said there was something about my tone that held a lot of concern in the voicemail I'd left for him this morning. This specialist made me feel exceptionally dignigifed in my decision, and he told me that he could not believe that it's taking my PCP this long to get me on a tapering plan, especially when I told him the very little amount of pills I have left as of right this moment.

It seems as though this is the plan I should take, and that is with tapering down from them. I feel like a lot of people in the medical field that I've been going to see are very supportive of this, other than the person who has been prescribing them to me and that is my PCP. I have yet to hear back from him -- I find it weird how everyone else is calling me back and being of immense support to me, and yet I haven't heard a peep back from him.

What to do now, my friends?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OUTSTANDING!!!   You are doing exceptionally well ...... just keep plugging right now - - you have been open and you have communication from the priciple players in your saga.  This will fall into place..................
Helpful - 0
960021 tn?1270662682
Well, my PCP finally called me and told me that he feels as though I've been deceiptful through all of this. I asked him why he felt this way as I cried over the phone, and he said that is just how he feels. He said he talked with my old PCP, and she told him that I was "doctor shopping for narcotics" so you know what I did at that time? I called my old PCP and I asked what was going on... The burse said that my old PCP wasn't even in the office, and hadn't been for some time. She also said that my old PCP had not called my now PCP, and she was confused as to why he would tell me this.

I'm lost, but you know what... I'll do this cold turkey. If he doesn't want to help me, then that is his decision. I just got off the phone with the office manager that runs where he works, and she couldn't believe what I have been going through and said she would call me first thing tomorrow morning after she speaks with him about all of this. I can not believe this, but you know... My life will go on and get better because I'll do this without the help of a quack.
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Avatar universal
You are still making the right moves yourself.......tough it out until you hear from them tomorrow - - You may not need him by the time he comes around ..... you may even have someone else - - seriously..most Docs are like the ones that are communicating with you - thats not too much for you to ask - - even IF you were percieved as looking for narcs that isnt what you are doing now - - - This will resolve sometime.....and those Docs will either get a story together or they will be open.......and you will get help or satisfaction regardless...
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960021 tn?1270662682
The only reason the office manager is calling me back tomorrow is to fill me in on his side of the story. She asked me what I wanted done, and all I told her was that she needs to remind these doctors that when someone is coming to them for help, they don't just label them and throw the under the rug as he has chosen to do so with me. With that being said, I don't wish to have his help. I have an amazing husband and wonderful new friends on here to see me through this. I took a half a pill at 12pm noon, and flushed the remainder down the toilet. TAKE THAT, DOCTOR! HAHA!

For those of you who were able to receive help from your doctors in bringing you off of this disease and drug, be grateful for that. There are unfortunately, doctors out there who will seem like they are your best friend and will see through anything... That is, until you tell them you have a problem because of their constant telling you to take the drugs whether you want to or not -- They think you're automatically blaming them for what is happening to YOU -- I never came off that way with my doctor, but if he wishes to think that way then there's nothing I can do to solve his problems at this current time. He won't help in solving mine, so I will help in solving MY problem!
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Avatar universal
Wow ok then !!!! Congratulations on flushing the pills.. You and your dear husband have read a lot on wd.. remember attitude and a belief this will pass.. faster then it took to get addicted.. sorry when the spotlight is placed on your Dr. he chooses to pass it to you.. You do sound like you are getting the run around and I'm Proud you are taking a stand for yourself.. remember the emotions the physical pain passes.. what you do in this time to negotiate it is up to you.. reach out for support.. ask for a massage let others around you help and for hubby.. give space for the roller coaster of emotions for it is only temporary.. I wish you both the best and will be of support as much as I can at this time.. You can do this !! You are doing this !! I'm very Proud of you !! lesa
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Avatar universal
Great advce from Lesa -  Use your resources ----- and remember that some Greek or Etruscan (possibly Hippocrattes....)    said - - "Listen to the patient - - and he will provide the diagnosis..." ------ Good Docs will already be familiar with this one......Poor Docs should be reminded or informed.  Its your life here. Be your own advocate.
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Avatar universal
I had a life changing accident 3.5 yrs. ago. A divorce 5 or 6 after that, i live in cronic pain. I take between 3 & 400 vicodin 10/325 a month.I feel like i'm dieing, The withdrawls kill me when i run out. My pain management DR. says i should be on oxy's, But i cant function on them in fact i feel like i am getting to apoint where i cant function on these pills. I feel i am barly getting by raising my 10 yr. old son by myself.. I know i need help but am scared to get off them. My Back,Neck & Shoulders hurt so bad.. Sometimes i just want to die, But i couldn't think of letting my ex raise my son as she is very unfit mother. I think about killing myself alot, But i couldn't do that to my son. He loves me so much as i love him. I'll be praying for you all. SJS
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Avatar universal
What do you guys do for the depression That comes with being in chronic pain, Do you worry about passing the depression on to your children?
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960021 tn?1270662682
I just got home from work and I'm feeling okay so far, I found a pill in my purse and flushed it down immediately when I saw it. Weird, because I didn't even get the craving to take it. Oh well... Onto what I'd like to inform you all of.

When I left my house this afternoon, the office manager from my old PCP's office called me and asked me what was going on. I told her that apparently, the PCP that is working in her office, told my new PCP that I was a doctor shopper, narcotic seeker and being deceiptful.. As soon as I told her this, she pulled my old PCP in the office and spoke with her and put me on speakerphone. The poor woman denied everything, and you know what -- I believe her 100% as she never came off as the type to not want to help someone in need, addict or not. I told my husband this, and as usual he is upset with my PCP right now. It seems like he is throwing around so many of my old doctor's names just to hide his from the spotlight maybe? I know this isn't the time for all of this and I know that this is the time for me to focus on my recovery and all.. But somehow, I feel as though me talking more and more about this will help me take my mind off of what I'm going to face with these withdrawls. Maybe I won't even have TOO bad of the withdrawls. I really do not know, you know?

Back to my telling my husband what has been going on for the day while he was at work: Like I said, he is livid right now and he thinks that I shouldn't just brush this under the rug right now. He has been there with me through every single appointment that I've ever had. He knows that all I've ever done was go by what the doctors have told me to do. I've never once overdone it with the medications, and in fact I've always tried to take LESS than what this PCP has been telling me to take, as I've been fearful of taking too many all within a 24 hours period, if that makes sense. My husband has also said to me that he feels like I won't go through much of a withdrawl, but he obviously will be there for me through it all. I am not going to a detox place or anything else, I will do this all and still work as much as I possibly can. He has been a huge support with all of this right now, but he is the type of man who DOES NOT let his guard down with anything, and he would like to persue something against this doctor. Not for money or fame or anything else... He thinks that the public NEEDS to be aware of what doctors are doing, AND their patients, too!

What are your opinions on this, and please be honest with me. I'm a very honest person and I respect others more when they are honest with me as well.
Helpful - 0
960021 tn?1270662682
Here it is 6am and I just got out of the shower. It's my day off from work and I should still be asleep. My legs will not sit still, and me being the anxcious person that I am, I woke up this morning with my heart pounding out of my chest. I'm scared, please help.
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Avatar universal
Sorry to hear about you difficult situation.  Buckle up it is going to be a rough ride.  At the end of day 4 you should be turning a corner psychically.  You wont die from the detox, however you might think at times you will wish you were.  Take hot baths as often as you need. This will make your legs feel better.  I feel for you good luck and fight hard.
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960021 tn?1270662682
Words like these are what will get me through this and for that, I thank you.. For some reason, my shakes and shivers start to go away as soon as I read this forum. I know this is going to sound "weird" to some because we are all different in going through this, but I have to keep hearing from people that I'm not going to die from this just to keep me halfway sane, This is my first "detox" from anything at all. I guess I feel like the more I talk about what I feel like going through this, the easier it'll be for me TO get through this, you know what I mean?

Question: I am a smoker [cigarettes ONLY -- I've never smoked anything else] and was wondering if this could be an issue for me while going through this. Should I not smoke cigarettes while I'm going through this? Because sometimes having one here and there calms my nerves. Yes, I am a full time smoker otherwise.

I'm just hoping that this isn't going to be as bad as I'm thinking in my head that it's going to be right now. I've been addicted and/or dependant [both because I admit to having a problem, TRUST ME -- HAHA!] on Percocet for the last year, but for the past few days, I've tried to "taper off" with Vicodin. I was taking 8-10 percs a day and with the Vicodin for the past 2-3 days, I was only taking like 3-4 pills and got the restless legs, and a little bit of night sweats but other than that, nothing huge. As soon as I read Lesa and mo2000 and theeagle's words to me, I flushed EVERYTHING down the toilet that I had here in my apartment. In other words, I'm hoping that my body was able to get used to just that small amount of medicine being in my body for the past few days, if that makes sense.

Thanks for the kind words... More is welcome!  =[
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495284 tn?1333894042
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