Avatar universal

dont want to live anymore

I really have just lost the will to love.  I dont know how i got addicted to oxycontin I never have been addicted to anything or had any issues with drugs until 3 yrs ago.  It started out as just a recreational thing and now i am a full blown addict.  I have to take 160mgs a day jsut to feel normal i  mean it is so horrible if i dont have any i cant go to work i cant do anything.  I have alos become so isolated form my family and friends.  I jsut dont want to be around anyone except my husband bc he is addicted as well, i guess it bc i am ashamed.  I jsut dont feel like getting up and facing the day anymore.  I have tried evyerway possible to quit, I cant go to a detox cetner i dont have the money and I  jsut strated a new job.  I jsut dont knwo what the point is anymore.
12 Responses
340590 tn?1290952141
hi and welcome to oxycontin hell.  i know exactly where you, I HAVE BEEN right there.  the oxy steals your will to live, all you care about is getting the next one.  you CAN overcome this.  it is hard, i was snorting more than that per day and i am OVER 550 days clean.  it was a battle soo worht fighting.  i stopped c/t and thought i would die...i too had to work through the detox, but i MADE IT and you can too.  my hubby was not an addict, and i know that will make it harder for you, but if you really want to be clean you can be.  i am here if you wanna chat just pm me...
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi hun and welcome!

Ending it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Please look into treatment centers in your area who take what is called "indigent" cases. They are those folks who do not have health insurance. Many of them take 1 or 2 a month. There is help out there. I promise you that.

Please hang in there and let us know if you find anything. If not, we will help you look or talk about alternatives.

Avatar universal
I was an opiate addict for 15 years. The last almost 11 were to oxys. I went on subutex and did a 21 day taper. The first few days were hard,,, today it got a little better. It is the severe fatigue  I mean the fatigue is really bad but I will get better. Read the success stories on here. I know how hopeless and depressed you are feeling.You think ending it all will be a permanant answer to a temporary solution?? Get yourself some help. Call a crisis hotline. Hon,, you NEED a plan and get a sponsor to stop if you can't do it on your own. I can't express the importance of one. Does ur husband want to quit too? Can you do it cold turkey or taper?

I commend you for coming to the site and admitting your problem,, writing it for ppl to see.  It was so hard to even say outloud in the n/a meeting how many days I was clean. It felt like I had no voice box.. trembling I said I was getting off of subutex. A woman next to me, took my arm and said some special words to me. She is now my sponsor. I felt just like you are feeling for a few monts now. I don't anymore. You now know that you have no control over the drugs. BIG first step. Congrats. But, what will you do about it?? Please don't take the life God gave you. You are here for a reason. Do you have kids... parents,, friends and u have ur hubby. They all love you. This will pass. It is going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to beat. People make it through chemotherapy and cancer all the time and I keep telling myself if they can stay positive and make it,,, so can I!! Don't let that little pill win. NEVER let it win. What is your method of taking them..chewing, snorting etc?

Do you really in ur heart of hearts want to end this over a drug that Purdue makes millions on? Do you want to be another casualty to the drug war?? I think you should call a hotline NOW or go to your local ER if you really truly are thinking of suicide. It is the drugs talking. Stop listening to them and get your life back. You owe that to yourself.
Perhaps you can post on the addiction side of Dr. J. He is a recovered fent addict and has words of wisdom. Maybe he can help. Again,,, if you are in a crisis... make a call.. PLEASE

Avatar universal
Hi I'm on day 2 (close to the end of it THANK GOD ) I'm on my way to my first meeting with a friend of mine with similar issues. I will look for you after and give you my feed back...   WE CAN DO THIS
Avatar universal
thanks for the replies i jsut feel so drained and defeated i feel like im trapped and can never get out and i just want my old life back before pills and i dont knwo if i will ever get there or if i will ever be the same again.
340590 tn?1290952141
the choice is yours.  you can overcome pill addiction....nothing changes if nothing changes, so you have to make changes.  you can do it.
442658 tn?1563386491
hi there...you will have your old life back...it takes much determination and will power.  please do not let these stupid pills take you down.  FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT...i never thought i would feel good and that i would be depressed for life....it does go away but it might take a month or two months but you will get your freedom and it is wonderful.  i never thought i could live without them but i was so wrong...stay strong please...maria
614557 tn?1243708351
we all ask ourselves how we ever got hooked, but the answer is quite simple. The drug took over our brain. Even people with legitimate pain issues get hooked- you can get better, but you have to be willing to do whatever it takes. I felt the way you do now, and now my life is wonderful, but I went through allot to get here.How bad do you want it to be over??
935108 tn?1264258953
There are ways to beat this.  First thing and most important is you have to want to do it.  It can be done but it takes some work.  If you put half as much effort into getting sober as you do to get high you'll be fine.  Good luck and keep your head up
498385 tn?1362449404
Ya I agree with you in how all of a sudden I was like what the heck one day i was dancing in the back of the truck and the next I was a full blown addict and alcoholic!. I use Aa and Na this has been working for me,in two weeks I take a year sober!!. My addiction isolated me and I was a slave to drugs! Not today. It wasn't easy to get off the drugs but I had a real desire to get clean I was so tired of the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. The cycle was killing me inside and I wanted out. Through the 12 steps I have found a different way to live. One day at a time is how I started at first it was just 5 min!! I had to change everything and I really mean everything people places and thing. there is freedom from this disease and I hope that you find it all the best and big huge hugs to you.You are worthy and deserving of a better life. j
401095 tn?1351391770
great advice from all these posts..all i can add is keep reaching out..u r not the first..and nor will u b the last to feel like this...been there....reach down deep and give it all u have...cos this is not happiness..where u r now...u know its gotta be be better than this/how u feel when u typed this..dont get sukked into the moment...and u have made a huge step by coming here to ask for help..never let go of urself..hold on tight cos u r worth every second of it
Avatar universal
Hi Little...here's the point - you have a lot of life to live but the oxys have put that on hold.  So what is life made of?  A potion is having goals and desires - your goal, to get off oxys.  With that goal in mind, start posting here asking 'How' you can get your old life back...beating yourself up does you or no one else any good.

We've all been there...take care,

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