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drug abuse

My boyfriend recently brought crack cocaine into my home and smoked it but he promised me he stopped. He said he would never do it again I don't believe him. He gets upset very easily too.
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Avatar universal
I know what it is like to love someone deeply and have them abuse you. I was in a wonderful relationship in my late teens/early 20's with a gorgeous, popular jock that was voted friendliest in his senior class. After two years of bliss, he started to change and drink more. I was away at college and he became very jealous and insecure. One night at a New Year's Eve party during my break,  he beat the **** out of me because I played pool with a mutual friend. I vowed to leave him and he cried and begged for forgiveness. I was young and in love and gave him another chance.  He ended up breaking into my dorm one weekend and after destroying my room while I was at a sorority function, beat me up again. I could not hide those bruises.  I broke it off.  That summer we were at the same party and he trapped me in a bathroom and forced himself on me as I cried and begged him to stop. I cut all ties at that point. I found out later he was using cocaine and that could contribute to the violence.  He was the "boy next door", everyone loved him but he turned violent on a dime.  I cannot stress to you enough that this behavior typically escalates. You could die.  And you are enabling him. I am an addict and also a successful business woman, mother and wife. Yet I know how to manipulate my husband for pills.  Please put yourself first, you are in a very dangerous situation.
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Avatar universal
My wife never left me, but she did stop interacting with me or helping me in any way. She went so far as to say, "I will not give you CPR again." I'm not even sure how many times she saved my life, but I remember the night she chose not to. I had respiratory arrest, I was dying and she looked up at me and asked, "You okay?" I couldn't answer, my lungs had stopped and I was passing out. She laid back down and acting like she was asleep, she was crying and waiting to call about my corpse. The kids thought I would be dead too, when they looked up at me, I drug myself to a chair and started manually pumping my lungs on the back of a chair for about 6 hrs. As the sun was lighting up the morning sky, my lungs slowly started pumping again. I couldn't even drive myself to the hospital, so I was truly afraid for my life. I share this to explain that addiction is very powerful. That is what it took for me to finally get my sh!t together.

If my wife had given me free room and board, let me be as mean to her as I wanted, and there were no consequences to my drug abuse, I would be dead today. You can ask around here, I am not a bad person or of low moral character, I am an addict. When people say you are enabling your man, it means you are part of his problem. He may blame you, and he may be partially right, because he wouldn't be able to afford as many drugs or have good enough health to get as high as he does without you. My opinion, you don;t have to dump him, but I would kick him out, especially if he hits you. You have to love yourself enough to know you do not deserve to be harmed by a lover and he has to love himself enough he doesn't want to harm himself anymore. Then, only then, will he be able to love you like you and himself as you both deserve. If that means kicking him out into the street awhile, so be it. You may just be saving his life by doing what seems so mean, just like my wife had to.

For some background, I have volunteered at orphanages, spent time with the homeless of Guatemala, India, hawaii, Los Angeles, Bangkok, and many more. I help all my neighbors and friends, I am compassionate and giving, as well as intelligent, creative, and hard working. I just want you to see that drugs took all those things away from me and I couldn't ever have them back, until I quit drugs. I am thankful my wife was going to let me die, because I either needed to live or die, she gave me that option. I think your man will feel the same way eventually, he won't like it at first, but if he ever gets his life together, he will be so thankful to you for stepping up.

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11699155 tn?1425262861
he is sick and the longer you put up with this the more you enable him if you realy love him you need to give him some tuff love don't loose yourself to satisfy him!!! no man should ever lay his hands on you doesn't matter what you sAy or do!!!! that is not love its control and manipulation!!!! ive been in a very similar relationship myslf and have a child with a man who abused me mentally and physically for years one day I just finally relized I had had enough I wasn't willing to comprise myself and belifes to make him happy anymore everything was always my fault he would snap at the drop of a hat nothing was ever good enough I payed all the bills couldn't even go to the dam bathroom without him up my *** later I would come to relize its because he had cheated on me so he was paroniod!!! this does not sound like a heathy relationship by any means your partner is supposed to equal and work with you not take advantage of you I know you feel like you love him but is it really love or infatuation? deep down if you know this isn't a heathy relationship nothing will change unless you do!!! just ask yourself when is enough enough? if you really love him you should set boundries and have him seek the help he needs!!!
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1235186 tn?1656987798
Just noticed auto correct.
What circumstances made him homeless?
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11532111 tn?1421549858
we all are suppose to help one another but you must draw a line somewhere one day you will turn around and your life will have past you bye dont live it miserable dont allow no one to beat on you , You may love him but dont sound like he cares to much for you draw that line I will pray for you
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1235186 tn?1656987798
Hello huni addicts manipulate, lie, blame others for their actions, turn stories around to try to take the focus off of them and their behaviors. If he is violent, has hit you "playing around"? No there is no playing around when it comes to a man hitting a woman.
That should be a deal breaker. You need to protect yourself.
How long has he been acting like this?
He was homeless when you met him? What ccircumstances made him hopeless?
How old are you and he?
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Avatar universal
Feliciti, when you posted originally, what was your question? What exactly do you need help with?
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Avatar universal
Honestly now I hide my money from him and keep it in my bank account. I've threatened to kick him out of my place n to pay half the bills or else he would have to go. I know its not an excuse but he manipulates me. I just don't want to argue with him. Its like I can't kick him out forever because I love him.
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Avatar universal
He would be homeless w/o you and he's violent. Something for you to think about.

You are enabling his addiction. You are basically earning money so that he can have a place to live and get high.

I stand by every word I wrote before.
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Avatar universal
We don't have kids but I love him. He gets mad very quick when he wants to play and joke its OK even when he knows he's annoying me but if I do it he gets very mad n has hit me even when he knows I'm just playing. He blames a lot on me. But I pay the bills and am responsible for me he lives in my home he used to be homeless.
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Avatar universal
Aah, okay. Those are the signs of someone using. Your gut is telling you to not trust his actions. Believe your gut. As addicts, we lie. We rationalize. We minimize (oh, I only took this much.) Honestly, there is no good reason on earth for someone to bring crack to their home unless they are addicted or starting an addiction.

I don't know if you have kids, or if you are financially dependent on each other, but you must take care of yourself. Do not, do NOT give him any cash. Keep your money separate until you figure out what you wanna do. You can let him know, not start an argument, but let him know calmly that his drug use is bothering you and you have some thinking to do.

As far as taking an action, go to Alanon!!! It is for the loved ones of addicts. It is for folks that are baffled and feeling crazy. Please please go to a meeting. Not just look one up. GO to one.

You don't need do anything else right now. The only reason you would have to make a move at this point would be if he is violent. If he is, all bets are off and you must get out.

Stay close. Other folks will be chiming in, too:)
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Avatar universal
He lies to me a lot. The money he makes always leaves his pockets quick especially when he goes to his drug using friends homes. He hides things from me and never wants me around his friends.
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Avatar universal
Hi, there. Welcome. Why do you not believe him? What has happened in the past? I ask this for a reason.
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