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emotional outbursts? need mtg! still vision & teeth
Hey guys..I'm at 60 days clean today but had a horrible emotional rage outburst at my hubby. We were talking a.bout my strong feelings on a particular subject and he compared it to spending $ on the street for drugs. I feel tons, and tons of guilt for all the $ I spent on more lortabs and soma to support my 20-30/day addiction or dependency?
And I WENT OFF! I left the house & drove around listening to my new Bonnie Raitt CD. I was soooo pissed at him for saying that when I already feel like a huge ****! If I wasn't in pain & had some energy, I'd go work anywhere to pay it back. At $6/pill I could get a dang job for $6/hr and work it off! I left the house "as is" not dressed for a mtg but sure wish one of you were where I could call and cuss and get it out and help.
Also, my vision question and teeth question didn't get answered. Today my vision is really wacked. I can usually read all things but very small print w/o glasses, but not today! All blurr! Is this normal? Should I wait to get a new eye RX since mine is as old as 2008?
Anybody else get cavities (black little spots) right next to gum line?
I am not raging anymore.....scared me....glad I didn't have pill source. Did eye the drive thru liquor store as I drove past. Just glad you all are here until I can get dressed properly and plan a mtg instead of slamming doors and racing out of our dirt drive! Anybody relate? And I thought 60 days was maybe past this. But no.....1st thing I thought of was popping about 5 lortab 10's. This too shall pass, huh?
And I WENT OFF! I left the house & drove around listening to my new Bonnie Raitt CD. I was soooo pissed at him for saying that when I already feel like a huge ****! If I wasn't in pain & had some energy, I'd go work anywhere to pay it back. At $6/pill I could get a dang job for $6/hr and work it off! I left the house "as is" not dressed for a mtg but sure wish one of you were where I could call and cuss and get it out and help.
Also, my vision question and teeth question didn't get answered. Today my vision is really wacked. I can usually read all things but very small print w/o glasses, but not today! All blurr! Is this normal? Should I wait to get a new eye RX since mine is as old as 2008?
Anybody else get cavities (black little spots) right next to gum line?
I am not raging anymore.....scared me....glad I didn't have pill source. Did eye the drive thru liquor store as I drove past. Just glad you all are here until I can get dressed properly and plan a mtg instead of slamming doors and racing out of our dirt drive! Anybody relate? And I thought 60 days was maybe past this. But no.....1st thing I thought of was popping about 5 lortab 10's. This too shall pass, huh?
Hi Connie,yea im ok for today,i bet you i can find more reasons to screw up then anyone.:) And yes the drive thru done me in,there is a old saying in alabama,in for a dime in for dollar! Just like it sounds,if you are going to do something do it well,and i do.Im at the point in life that im not sure what to do,im tired,very tired this can be a crazy,crazy life people like me lead.Anyway all is well in florida (today),im not one to run,BUT i have a little money coming,and with everything going on here i think i may will move back home to bama,and do my best to move on. :)Hope you are doing well.O by the way i used to live in South Carolina,small world hu?
Thx to you! The rage about scary to me. Thanks for your encouragement. We (hubby and me) did discuss it today. He said he didn't mean his comment personal. I helped him (I think) to understand my thought process and my heart. We're good.
I was soooo glad to hear about your vision!! Not that I would wish that on you, but I read tons, and tons, and tons of books while using and never ever had vision problems. I'm really doing less with my eyes than b4.
I'm trying to hang in for 90 days b4 I go get thm checked. More clean time, healing, and $ for the dang new glasses (lineless bifocals) Hubby and me usually go about every 3 yrs and its been longer than that for both of us.
Today, actually, my eyes are better than the day I posted that...which is good news, but I noticed vision changes when I increased my usages of pills, too.
Not sure WHICH drug affected my teeth, but even tho I took really good care of them even while doped wayyyy up, I have a lot of those teeny, weeny gumline black spots and have already had 6 or 7 filled. No more new ones, except the 3 I'm talkin about now, since I quit usin. That's a good thing. Noticed this site will be down for they say 15 min for an update at 9 pm Pacific Time. Just to share.
How are you doing now? You give me things to look forward to and I t-you for your post to me.
Blessings from Connie
I was soooo glad to hear about your vision!! Not that I would wish that on you, but I read tons, and tons, and tons of books while using and never ever had vision problems. I'm really doing less with my eyes than b4.
I'm trying to hang in for 90 days b4 I go get thm checked. More clean time, healing, and $ for the dang new glasses (lineless bifocals) Hubby and me usually go about every 3 yrs and its been longer than that for both of us.
Today, actually, my eyes are better than the day I posted that...which is good news, but I noticed vision changes when I increased my usages of pills, too.
Not sure WHICH drug affected my teeth, but even tho I took really good care of them even while doped wayyyy up, I have a lot of those teeny, weeny gumline black spots and have already had 6 or 7 filled. No more new ones, except the 3 I'm talkin about now, since I quit usin. That's a good thing. Noticed this site will be down for they say 15 min for an update at 9 pm Pacific Time. Just to share.
How are you doing now? You give me things to look forward to and I t-you for your post to me.
Blessings from Connie
I appreciate your comments. With just a smidge more background.....I broke my pelvis, sacrum and tailbone 4 yrs ago and just had two cage disc replacements in my back a yr ago. I truly got addicted to pain meds because after my accident in 08 our cobra ran out and no one would insure me.
I finally got fed funded/state run ins a yr ago and had the surgery w/i 2 wks.
I have permenant nerve damage; new problems on the other side and hurt whether I sit 2 hrs, work around the house, ride n the car, you get the picture. I have absolutely no problem taking responsibility for my actions.
After my Rx and his (which I ingested, too) he's not an addict and didn't take them just got them for me from his dr. Anyhoo, after both Rx were gone, he's the one w/an old work acquantince and he would be the one to call the guy to get me more off the street. The guy has what I consider to be a chauvinistic attitude and only wanted to talk to/deal with my hubby. Every time my hubby would say "this needs to be the last time" and then he would soften when he saw me going into w/drawals.
My hubby has been pleading with me for more than a few yrs to apply for disability and I always was too doped up to concentrate and do it, hurting too bad (discs pressed on major nerves for almost 2 yrs and I couldn't walk w/o crying) even w/lortab 10's and somas in me. After surgery, course my drug tolerance was even higher and I ate 10's like they were M&M's.
I also thought I might be like him (he also had two discs replaced w/cages)and I'm not and he never got addicted to pills, either, just food,, ha!
He was my gatekeeper with the pill bottles, but would still give me some every hr (until I started self-weaning, that is). He also would hide them from me and I was like a border dog and if he left the house, drove down to the mailbox or anything....I would find them.
Long story short, if I could get a job at the Dollar Store or anywhere else, I'd be there. Every one is telling me to give my body and mind time to heal and to be ok with being tired all the time, insomnia, constant pain and feeling guilty enough on my own about $ nothing could make me feel worse than I feel myself. He know that and he loves me,...34 yrs.
Hope you understand my heart more now (and maybe my body, too, ha)
Hope also, it isn't TMI (too much info for you)
Blessings to you
Connie
I finally got fed funded/state run ins a yr ago and had the surgery w/i 2 wks.
I have permenant nerve damage; new problems on the other side and hurt whether I sit 2 hrs, work around the house, ride n the car, you get the picture. I have absolutely no problem taking responsibility for my actions.
After my Rx and his (which I ingested, too) he's not an addict and didn't take them just got them for me from his dr. Anyhoo, after both Rx were gone, he's the one w/an old work acquantince and he would be the one to call the guy to get me more off the street. The guy has what I consider to be a chauvinistic attitude and only wanted to talk to/deal with my hubby. Every time my hubby would say "this needs to be the last time" and then he would soften when he saw me going into w/drawals.
My hubby has been pleading with me for more than a few yrs to apply for disability and I always was too doped up to concentrate and do it, hurting too bad (discs pressed on major nerves for almost 2 yrs and I couldn't walk w/o crying) even w/lortab 10's and somas in me. After surgery, course my drug tolerance was even higher and I ate 10's like they were M&M's.
I also thought I might be like him (he also had two discs replaced w/cages)and I'm not and he never got addicted to pills, either, just food,, ha!
He was my gatekeeper with the pill bottles, but would still give me some every hr (until I started self-weaning, that is). He also would hide them from me and I was like a border dog and if he left the house, drove down to the mailbox or anything....I would find them.
Long story short, if I could get a job at the Dollar Store or anywhere else, I'd be there. Every one is telling me to give my body and mind time to heal and to be ok with being tired all the time, insomnia, constant pain and feeling guilty enough on my own about $ nothing could make me feel worse than I feel myself. He know that and he loves me,...34 yrs.
Hope you understand my heart more now (and maybe my body, too, ha)
Hope also, it isn't TMI (too much info for you)
Blessings to you
Connie
So Danny....what a great name. The only brother I have (5 girls, 1 boy) is named that!! And I love him to pieces.
Am I reading your post right that AFTER you read my temper tantrum and temptation with eyeing the drive-thru liquor store......is that when you went? I'm not sure cause you posted to Vicki and then to all an hour later.
I am really glad I didn't drive thru. Don't know if I will ever drink alcohol again, but for sure not now. It would lower my inhibitions, give me "stinking thinking", and make me feel poopy (is that an ok word?) I typed another similar one that started with a "t" and it got *****bleeped, ha!
Ok, Danny.....I understand your wife and I understand you. How are you doing now?? Like on Aug 22 at 10 pm KS, or I forgot, you are a "bama" boy, grin.....It's 11 pm there.
My hubby is from South Carolina....taught me to eat grits (cheese grits for me), fried okra and a few other things along w/talkin funny.
Bless you,
Connie
Am I reading your post right that AFTER you read my temper tantrum and temptation with eyeing the drive-thru liquor store......is that when you went? I'm not sure cause you posted to Vicki and then to all an hour later.
I am really glad I didn't drive thru. Don't know if I will ever drink alcohol again, but for sure not now. It would lower my inhibitions, give me "stinking thinking", and make me feel poopy (is that an ok word?) I typed another similar one that started with a "t" and it got *****bleeped, ha!
Ok, Danny.....I understand your wife and I understand you. How are you doing now?? Like on Aug 22 at 10 pm KS, or I forgot, you are a "bama" boy, grin.....It's 11 pm there.
My hubby is from South Carolina....taught me to eat grits (cheese grits for me), fried okra and a few other things along w/talkin funny.
Bless you,
Connie
Thank you for sharing w/me. I have already had about 6 or 7 fillings on the bottom teeth, receding gums, too. I didn't have but one by gum line on top at the time and had it filled too. The dentist, I have been going to since 1979 and will go back for the three I have since I'm 61 days clean and not seeing anymore. I am "very particular" about my teeth after wearing braces as a kid, so even when really, really doped up, I brushed and flossed. I have healthy gums, but receding from age and one hygienist said from smoking cigs. Just wondered if it was from the opiates, the soma, the xanex or the prozac??? That sounds terrible outloud. HUH?
I weaned from somas and lortabs but was popping prozacs and a nerve damage pill every hr. So....my dental problems could be related to one of those drugs, too. I haven't been on or able to get xanex (except on the street which I did not do) for a longgg time. Got addicted at lst 3 or 4 yrs back and my PA gal took me off of them gradually. Only I didn't w/d off them gradual, of course. Anway, thanks for sharing w/me.
Bless you
I weaned from somas and lortabs but was popping prozacs and a nerve damage pill every hr. So....my dental problems could be related to one of those drugs, too. I haven't been on or able to get xanex (except on the street which I did not do) for a longgg time. Got addicted at lst 3 or 4 yrs back and my PA gal took me off of them gradually. Only I didn't w/d off them gradual, of course. Anway, thanks for sharing w/me.
Bless you
Hey the temper outburst come with the territory, I know in my first 60 days I was not a really pleasant person to deal with. Try to talk to your man and explain why you go off. I know it's not an easy conversation but it helps.
As far as the vision thing, I noticed that my sight seemed to get worse for the first 60 days but that cleared up after I started to get more active. You might want to go to an eye doctor and just get checked out anyway.
The teeth problem though I noticed that the enamel on my teeth started to break down while I was using, you should definitely talk to a dentist.
As far as the vision thing, I noticed that my sight seemed to get worse for the first 60 days but that cleared up after I started to get more active. You might want to go to an eye doctor and just get checked out anyway.
The teeth problem though I noticed that the enamel on my teeth started to break down while I was using, you should definitely talk to a dentist.
I agree - you do need to think about your husband and what you've put him through. Getting sober means taking responsibility for our actions. And a job sounds like a great idea to me too.
The teeth thing I noticed is the receding gums which happening during the opiate abuse. And i have the little dark marks by where the gums on the bottom have receded. The good news is I think the out of control damage to my teeth is over with the abstinence from opiates. I start using a water pik along with tooth brush, mouth wash and floss. They seem better.
You know what-i dont really know! I havent thought about that part of it.I thought music (very loud county,southen rock) was my main trigger! But now you have me thinking,thank you i"ll let you know. Danny
Guys,gals, FYI- i am going thru the big D (and i dont mean dallas) as i type this BECAUSE of my addiction ,i gues my wife of 13 years just got tired of the dumb stupid things us addicts do.Anyway dont forget to take care of family as well as addiction! The bad part is how am i goin to watch bama spank however they play without morphine and bud light? :) dont forget to say i love you!!!!!!!!! Danny addict from the great state of alabama
Hey girl,only one thing to add,stay away from the drive thru!!! I know i became a drunk because of withdraws and hearing the same thing from wife.I would come home half drunk and say,I did not take ANY pills today thank you very much!! LORD,LORD the stupid,stupid s### we do.
Hi- your eyes are affected by lack of sleep and your vision will be off if you're tired so that could be a problem. As far as your teeth, it sounds like you've got a lot of decay at the gumm line. You should get that worked on before you start having pain. By then it may be too late to save the tooth/teeth...
Getting a job soon is not a bad idea. It will get you thinking about something else and put some money back in the household. Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in your husbans shoes...Think it over and look for something you'd like to do.
Getting a job soon is not a bad idea. It will get you thinking about something else and put some money back in the household. Try to imagine how you would feel if you were in your husbans shoes...Think it over and look for something you'd like to do.
Hey there! I'm at nearly 3 months and I'm still all over the place with my emotions! Most days I am pretty even keeled, but, there are days when....... I agree with Kyle, I think your hubby hit a still sore spot! Take some big deep breaths and catch a meeting as soon as you can! You are doing great! 60 days is amazing! Be proud and stay strong! I haven't been to the dentist yet, but my gums are sore and swollen so I shudder to think what may be there! So far, no vision problems! Take care! You will be just fine!! All the best!
Vision and teeth - the damage we do to ourselves while using (or perhaps our paying more attention to pills and less to our health) is different for each of us. I've had no vision or teeth issues; maybe you should seek professional help.
Temper - even at 60 days we still have a distorted sense of drama in our recovery. Plus your husband hit a sore spot too soon. Pouring salt in an open wound. Just hang on. Things get better. And a lot less dramatic. Promise.
Temper - even at 60 days we still have a distorted sense of drama in our recovery. Plus your husband hit a sore spot too soon. Pouring salt in an open wound. Just hang on. Things get better. And a lot less dramatic. Promise.
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