I will never be able to go to meetings

[loveandlight05]

If my husband keeps pulling this crap, I will never get to go to meetings. i go every Thursday night, and tonight is my first time meeting with my sponsor for an hour after. my mom was supposed to watch my kids until 6:30 per usual. Then my husband was supposed to watch them until I get home at 7:45. He came home and demanded to leave and go work out. So my mom is stuck watching them until 7:45. I told him no, and he yelled and screamed at me. I said this is the one thing I get to do for myself all week, and he told me it shouldn't be pleasurable because I'm only going because I've done bad things. He told me I should cry all night. I literally hate him right now. He keeps me prisoner in the house so he can do whatever he wants.

[lulu747]

I seriously want to kick your husband's a$$.  I know I have been saying that for awhile but it's totally true.  I know that all relationships have 3 sides, what he feels, what she feels, and then the objective truth.  But honestly. he just sounds so so selfish and MEAN.

Can I ask you something?  
Do you love him?
If you didn't have children with him, would you be with him?
Before this happened, before your addiction, was he kind to you?  Were you equals in the home?  Did he contribute to the financial burden, or help equally with the babies?
It's time for some soul searching.  You are strong, and you are beautiful, and kind and compassionate.  You deserve to be happy.
He needs to step up because those are his children too and you need to recover.
Right now it feels like he is just a huge weight pulling you down.
Don't let him.
Love
Lu

[NeverAgain127]

Good comments here.  

You are changing and it sounds as if he doesn't like it.   Do you still love him?  I know you're scared about the future.    And in 12 step programs we aren't supposed to make any huge relationship changes in the first year.  Some groups say 2 years.  

No one can tell you what to do but you....is watching the kids till 7:45 a big deal to your mom?   In the end, hon, this is your life, and you have to do what you think is right.  NO ONE should be yelling and screaming at you...especially when you're trying so hard to do the right thing.

Your sobriety has to come first...before the marriage, the kids, everything..because w/o it, you won't be here...

I wish I had magic words to say to make everything better.   Marriage is hard...but I have a tough time with abuse of any kind...and verbal abuse is just as bad as any other kind.   Do you have any friends that could watch the kids?  Can you take them to the meetings, as suggested above?  

Finally...do you think your husband would agree to go to therapy with you?  

I'm here to support you, no matter what you decide. Hang in  there...congratulations that you didn't let this intensely stressful event drive you back to using.

Hugs,
-R.

[Amandag78]

Hey, gee, im so sorry, this is not fair to you or your recovery !!!
Absolutely, well done for not using, your stronger than your husband gives you credit for.
At least we will always be here for you : )
I really am sorry.
I know the feeling, after 2 weeks of helping me in detox, my partner just became resentfull of the fact he needed to help with the cleaning and kids.
Seems this happens a lot with our support network at home.
Know that your not alone xx

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  so sorry to here your struggles I have been with the same woman since I was 17 we moved out on our own at 17 and 18 and to this day shes my best friend/lover and wife   just know this marriages are not all roses you do go threw some tuff times as we mature love is ez to take for garnet marriage is a commitment and takes work on both sides  my life as a addict caused a lot of trust issues but we have got threw it  you need to sit him down and tell him you need to do this or it is going to eventually Kill you   this is a life or death mater he needs to know your serious about your recovery and that has to come first I will promise you this...he will love the new you when most of this blows over it will take work from both of you but you both are worth it may God be with you......Gnarly

[jethro733]

I'd like to congratulate you on not using after having to put up with a lack of respect like that.  I'd also second what nursegirl said, although that is not just toxic for your recovery, it is just plain toxic behaviour.  Your husband needs to pull his head in.  

[Ejm7263]

In the past I've let men take me & out of the program today I'm clean & sober with or without him. If he's mature & has real love for you he wants you to get what you need. This program will strengthen everything about you.
There is also a saying if our spouses stay with us during our use they may like us like that. As long as it's all about you & your using he doesn't have to look at himself. He is not perfect none of us are. If you get well, healthy: spiritually, physically, mentally & emotionally, maybe he wonders where he will be. Is he selfish or is he scared?
Hang in there, do what's right for you & your kids, which is stay clean & work your program to the best of your ability every day.

[vicki595]

That guy is just useless. He's not a husband or a father or even a decent human being.  He wants you punished?  He's evil and needs to go away...

[motye51]

Holy crap.....welcome to my world!!!!! When i first got clean i did the 90/90 and after that i started dropping mtgs b/c it was taking me away from my home. At first my husband was supportive, then after a couple of weeks it started waning, from months 4 to 9 roughly, he gave me **** every time i tried to go to a mtg!!! I get accused of being unfaithful, talking to them instead of him, embarassing us as a family in the community, blah, blah, blah! Honey....its time to grow some balls, i had to as well. We are every bit as important as everyone else and our recovery needs to come first! I will say, over time its started lessening snd hes told me that he sees the woman he married 20 yrs ago coming back. Stand your ground and continue....hes threatened, thats all. If hes a real man, he will want u to better yourself! BTW....is he perfect?????

[nursegirl6572]

Oh sweetheart....I'm sorry to say, but you may need to make some tough decisions.  He's toxic to you and to your recovery.  He's crossing the line in a HUGE way with the stuff he's saying.  Can't blame it on one of those "oops" outbursts we all have....he does it repeatedly, and he hits WAY below the belt.

I'm so sorry.  Can't you take your child with you?  If you can, that would be awesome....and it would show him that with or without him, you're going to do what it takes.

:0(