first day at it and i am being offered 30s for 15 bucks

[kme17]

I am sooo friggin tempted to just pick up like 40 of them. Someone needs to talk me off this ledge cause i think my husband is hoping i get them.

[kme17]

@harper. I am your story minus the herion but all the friend i left behind to stop the first time around did end up on herion. I still remember one guy i used to get high w off ne thing we could get our hands on was doing herion an i always told myself i would never do **** like herion or crack cause they seem to b the black hole of drugs. I ask him one night if i could trry it. And thanks god he looked at me n said awww come on done do this to me. I cant get u on this ****. W that i saud yeah no never mind. But i have found opycodone is a black hole as well. I am on day two n im achy then that guy and ancy breaky heart.

[HarperOC]

Hey congrats on not getting them I know how tempting that is. I have been trying to stop for a few years and so many times I went in that cycle of being like I am done for good I cant take this anymore and I had all my reasons lined up for wanting to stop and id make it a day, maybe two, maybe five if I was lucky and then I would get a call or make the call and bam i'd be right back in it for another month or two. THen i'd stop again, i;d be so fed up want nothing more than to just be able to get up and start my day without drugs, to feel things, etc. and id quit and a few days later id be back in it for months and that cycle just kept going and going and i'd beat myself up so bad thinking how pathetic i was that i couldnt stop. A lot of it was on here I think i have one post that goes on for a few months actually of just constnatly relapsing and detoxing and relapsing and detoxing. I was using about 3 or 400 hundred milligrams of oxycontin and then that wasnt enough anymore and I switched to heroin. I honestly did not think id ever be able to stop I was so down and in such a dark place. But the problem was, everytime I stopped I didn't change anything. I just literally took the drugs away and was left in a room with the worst withdrawals ever thinking dying would just be easier. So of course i kept going back to the drugs. They were stronger than my will to stop basically. But finally i changed my environment, my friends, where i went, who i talked to. Had to leave the area for a bit because it was so triggering and found outside help and support and now I am 8 months sober---something i did not think was possible. Now i wake up in the morning refreshed and energized and start my day without even the thought of taking drugs to get out of bed. I dont have to work my day around how high ill be and if itll start to wear off and ill start to get sick and need to meet a dealer. I dont have to constantly put drugs in front of my family mmebers my friends and everything else i care about. I live honestly and true to myself and its all new and nothing i ever thought could be possible. especially those first few days of detox when words dont even do justice for how bad it feels. But its been a long road and theres been a lot ive had to change and a lot of personal stuff ive had to work thru but it is so worth it. I know you can do it too and i wish the best for you. Give yourselfa chance....the drugs will always be there they arent going anywhere......so try getting sober if u dont like it u can always go back lol but give urself a fair shot to live a beautiful life free of drugs.....anyways just thought id share  my story didnt mean to ramble about myself lol sorry about that. if ur bored and want to read my thread it will distract u for a good 30 mins prbably lol its on my page. Anyways good luck getting thru the night and you can do this dont give in!!!

[kme17]

@smiles.. i am still doing ok. Attitude is actually alot better then i thought or ahas been. But i am sure i will be irrational soon. Achy. Not horrible. Bathroom is happening but not whats coming lol.

[kme17]

@Abuser .. he must really be over it cause he just kept sayin yes i do want them but now your not going up to get em. I was glad cause even him showing a small sign of being talked in to it n i played on his cards n if he say even the word well? I woulda been out the door. He seems to have control. Lucky him.

[smiles4eva]

My doc is norco.  Actually, it was the oxy and I was scared how much I liked it and felt like a loser having to go in once a month for script.  After twoI months I asked for norco again because I got 3 refills.  I am hanging in there.  I have resisted a nap all day knowing sleep will be easier tonight but just dozed off during a mediation cd.  Besides a killer headache, back and neck pain I am doing fine.  I have been eagerly awaiting the bathroom issues and nothing yet.  Just ordered a pizza to speed it along.  How are u?

[abuser30]

I am with u girl. as I sit here reading this forum I am waiting for the phone call. I have been withdrawing and I about cant take it anymore. I guess my advice though somewhat half hearted seeings how im starring at my phone is think about something else to spend the money on. Though us addicts have one track minds. And when ur trying to quit and ur in a marriage it's two minds, and there usually at two differant places. my husband will say in the morning ok thats enough I dont want this to control us anymore. He will get home from work and ask  the golden question.. "anything around" and my heart jumps. I dont know how to kick the habbit when two minds are envoled or else I probably would have done it already. hang in there and try to get on the same paige with ur husband.

[kme17]

@smiles. How r u holding up? Is ur doc precs too?

[smiles4eva]

We are a few hours away from each other.  I am proud of you for resisting :) Tuck that $ you would have spent and do something nice for yourself!

[kme17]

No i didnt get them. I honestly stopped for 2 days a a week ago n caved. I realized i was so tired at work on them. After the inital ahhh rush. Its nods. I didnt think i even got those ne more but at work i did. I dont want to feel like that ne more. I havent took ne since 7 pm yesterday est time. N i am feeling achy but happy. Good spirits today. I hope tomorrow i will feel the same

[gnarly_1]

HI you need to think of the pills for what they really are poison so you score 40 of them then what your right back here in a week it time to wake up and realize you could even kill yourself with that many taking to many it just ant worth it you dident come to this site to keep using you came here for help where all about that no lets talk about your recovery and DONT GET THE PILLS...........Gnarly

[Sonrissa]

Great job kme! Fight through it minute by minute! It will be worth it!

[kme17]

I definitly feel better and more in control know that i talked myseld out of it. I keep trying to picture how good it will feel to get up n go n not pop a pill first!. N how much money i will have. I really hope i get thru this. I dont want to live like this again

[akitagurl12]

i totally know what u are going through, who wants to be sick at all?  But unfortunately it is the only way to the other side.  If u do it this weekend, by next weekend you will start to already feel better and by the weekend after that you will feel MUCH better.  And then you will never have to waste another weekend over this AGAIN!!!:)  The more you say no to those thoughts that are trying to get you to stay addicted, the stronger you become and the less power those thoughts have over u. And you won't be alone, there are lots of people on here that will be detoxing right along with you.

[smiles4eva]

You are not pathetic.  I understand how crazy this is.   One minute you feel so strong and you got this and the next minute is the opposite.  I am only at 15 hours and the w/d haven't hit yet either.  My back is on fire and I can barely move my neck but I would rather feel the burn then self loathe.  Sending you lots of strength :)

[h12345620]

You're not pathetic. But maybe you should go back and read your original post? About how you feel about yourself, your baby, your job. All of the reasons you want to quit.

[kme17]

I havent even started the wds and i am already wanting to cave. How pathetic am i

[kme17]

I blocked him but txt stll come thru..  i would rather spend this long weekend having a good time then laid up feeling like ****. I hate myself for this

[akitagurl12]

lol @ Sonrissa
can u delete or block the person offering them to u?  I know that temptation, but u made the decision to quit for real reasons.  U can say no to this and u will thank yourself later. Just say no just say no just say no....:)

[Dixiechick72]

Don't do it. It's not worth it!!! Fight it. Stay strong and cut the ties.... Hang in there!!!
Sonrissa where is ur post??? I'm waiting on it.

[Sonrissa]

Send them to me!! LOL, not really! Don't do it!! Cmon, fight through this! You don't need them and you really don't want them! Stay strong and distract yourself! Take a walk, take a bath, just take a break! Deep breaths!