full of a feeling i cant explain

[lb87]

i wish it would leave me.... tomorow i am 3 weeks clean of cocaine. But i still have a feeling of dread guilt and ashame. im scared of my nose and it never healing ( although i am told it will0 i finaly got the guts to check all the way inside today with a q-tip. i put vaseline on and went all the way to the top of the right nostril and felt round.

it is indeed a mess up there i think most the mucosal membrane has gone and im left with the bone cartalidge..... NO HOLE THOUGH!!!!!! yes so it can possibly heal as long as i never touch the stuff again, i checked my left side and this was much better hardly any damage there.

i just want to stop feeling so paranoid ahhh i cant wait until my nose starts to heal more noticeably maybe then i will stop feeling so shite... what have i done to my body i was so young and stupid.

i feel wiser now i know what i want and that i have a good life.... i dont need this drug, it feels good to say I QUIT!

i just wish the weeks would passs quicker and i can say im a month two months 3 months clean!!!!

[helpmenoww]

good 4 u!!!!!!!!!

[lb87]

hey all, i feel better this morning just needed a night s sleep.

yea gizzy i totaly nknow what you mean about the haze and im upset all the time for what feels like no reason, when i try to explain to my bf its the coke he doesnt understand, we keep rowing because of me i hope it stops as i am scared he will get fed up and leave as we only moved out last december and he was saying he feels like 30 not 21 last night, once i have fully quit i ahope things change, im going to make things better now by not arguing with him and spending more time with him going out and things, going to treat him to a tai tonight, im also not going to talk to him about this any more, i have you guys and wow that is all the support i need, it still sounds weird to me but these forums are great and realy are helping me :)

hippyprincess, well done for a week clean i will add you as a buddy and please stick around this place is a saviour, Gizzy is very wise if you need any info im sure he would be happy to help, he has been a rock for me. if you need any thing from me just shout, and stay strong this awfull drug just isnt worth it, and remember how you feel every time you wake up and you HAVNT done it.... feel GREAT dont it :)

[hippyprincess33]

It's so hard to quit cocaine.  I'm on almost a week of being clean from it.  It's so hard for me and Inever thought I'd be where I am now.  Feel free to add me as a friend I also was having nose problems with rusting sometimes and then when I'd stop using for a day or two my nose would drip and I would do the trick where you spread your cheeks out and sniff after youve done a line to force the drip it's horrible and i'm not exactly sure what condition my nose is in all the wya up but i hope it heals because its been non stop sniffly and runny the past week (almost a week) since I quit.  I'm proud of you and I havent gone as long as you have in like a year so I'm hoping the time passes more quickly so i can say ive been clean as long as you!

[worried878]

good 4 u!  and glad u made it with your nose intact (:

[gizzy32]

i just posted about guilt, haha. i went through that too and for me coming off coke i was in such a haze, when my mind finally cleared there were so many emotions. it takes awhile to heal from coke and your nose is the least of your worries. it's not good to have, but coke does more damage to the heart and brain.

I  am so proud of you for making it this far and it will get better. your gonna be fine. CONGRATS

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Way to go - the time will start to speed up for you soon - the really important part is that you now realize many things you previously did not. Like how good it can feel to say no. You also caught your nose in time.... just for grins you should use some of that powder to make a solution that you can drop a piece of stainless steel into.......then within a day or so you can check that stainless steel out and find that the cocaine has totally destroyed it!!! Keep that as a reminder....................it will do the same thing to your body.

[bandnmom]

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I know its not easy but you are doing it. I am sure over time you will heal but you need to stop worring about it. You didnt do this to your body over night...right? So its not gonna fix itself over night either. Think of it that way! Stay strong!!! You are doing great