help, somebody please!

[TroubleFindsMe]

hi sorry this might be along post.. but i really need to let it out.  I am 28 yrs old and the mother of 3.  i have always been very proud of my ability to stay away from drugs and alcohol no matter what the situation in my life.  especially sense my father was an alcoholic and used different drugs recreationally.   I live in an urban area of newyork where there are a lot of drugs at your finger tips.  i still was able to stay off of drugs thru the worst times of my life.  
In November of 2007 i was in a car accident.  i injured 3 discs in my back, i was in horrible pain, at that time i was perscribed hydrocodone 10mg i took a half of one 2x a day at first if i needed it at all.  even that much would make my stomach upset.  but over time i began to get a tollerance and  i started to take more and more a day as time went by.  it got to the point where i was running thru my script of 120 by week 2 or 3 and i would buy them off the street until my next script.  
I realized that i had a problem and i was desperate for help.  i started off by weaning my self down off of the dros slowly over a day and a half period.  i would take one pill and then i would wait till i was getting withdrawl symptoms before i would take another.  then i would lower it to a half of a pill.  by day 3 i was taking darvocet one pill at a time.  for the last part of my self medicated treatment i began suboxone.  i didnt have a script.  i was buying them off the street.  i tood a quarter a day.  i didnt feel 100% during my self medicating but it was tolerable and i could still do my everyday tasks.  the suboxones worked for a long time i took them for about 6 months.  my script had been cut off after the doctor found darvocet in my system. but i didnt care i was on suboxone.  

then i started to feel that i could take a pill or two inbetween suboxone doses.  i was sure i wouldnt get addicted agian.  in no time i was back to buying them on  the street agian, stoped the soboxone and slowly put myself back under the devils spell.  

i tried to get clean the other day.  i went cold turkey for 36 hours and then i gave up.  i was overwhelmed from the anxiety and the pain while dealing with my kids and going to school full time.  I dont know what to do.  i cant be going thu withdrawl while i am in school.  but its a long time till summer break.  i cant miss any school im already a little behind.  i dont want to do the suboxone agian because i feel that it is really just replacing one drug addiction with another.  i want out all togeather.  i feel hopeless and ashamed. please give me your advise, i really need help to get thru this.
thanks for listening, and thank u for ur inspiring stories, it helps to know i am not alone.

[scared197703]

Hey all, I don't post alot but I do read. I am the mother of three as well, full time job, and married, We both became addicted before we knew it, but I believe when you make your mind up that you have had enough you will quit. It was tearing our family up everyway you could think of and my kids are my life and that is why we finally said the heck with it and went c/t. It is only going into my 6th day and my withdrawls were not so bad as I have heard on here. My husbands were worse but he is also depressed from alot of stuff. We were going on 3 years. I went a year without going without. We were taking about 12 to 13 10mg a day, not so bad. I wouldnt' let my self keep taking. Just be strong and read as much as you can on here cause it is very helpful. Think of you kids and your life for your kids. Get scared you could die and then your kids wouldn't have a mother. Good luck and keep posting for feedback.

[cotigerlily]

Hi honey-
I understand.  trust me!  I'm 37, single mom of three kids and I cannot fathom how to do this either.  I have a tramadol addiction and have been cutting way back (about half what I used to do) these past 2 -3 days.  I want to end it too, but really don't know.  My kids have to have a mom.  
My brother is a recovering addict and my mom is lost to morphine.  even with all of that knowledge I still fell prey.  (chronic herniated discs, blah blah blah)  There are a lot of different theories on what to do: cold turkey, weaning/tapering etc .  I think it's an individual choice.  
I can't exactly say anything earth shatteringly helpful to you, still where you are really, but just wanted to say hi and that I'm here tonight also.

hang in there!  

[troubleinohio]

hi, welcome to the forum! im sorry its slow tonight here i guess, but i wanted you to know I saw your post! We are here for you. im super super exhausted tonight and cannot write back a full message til tomorrow! but i wanted you to know theres lots of support here for you! I hope to talk with you tomorrow! you are not alone!