help

[mainewoods]

Hello,

   I have read many of the previous letters and find myself very similar to the rest.  I am taking 4-6 Vicodin a day and prior to that it was Perc for about 2 years.  Like everyone I want/don't want to stop.  Anyone have any great ideas?  Can't afford any obvious withdraws due to job requirements.  Any over the counter meds that can help with a slow taper, or any other advice.  I feel very alone which is probably normal.  Any help will be appreciated.

[OKWHYME]

trying to get this to post and it wont this is just a test........

[OKWHYME]

I have a real prob.  I take Lorcet 10/650 and soma's.  The thing is that I take this all at one time:  2 Lorcet and  3 Soma's, taken about 4-5 times daily.  At the end of the month I will take myself off of them cold turkey.  The reason at the end of the month is because I have a 5yr old and really cant function without them.  I go through withdrawls.  I have lost so much weight, and my head is a whirlwind.  I have a child to take care of and I do not think I am doing a good job, that is why I am quitting like I am.  When I do this, she will be in another state with her Paw Paw, and I will go to my mom's to lock myself up in the bedroom and do it alone.....of course w/help of a few xanex, anyone out there think that is a good Idea???  

I have abused these drugs so bad, hell, I only weigh 95-100lbs.....my clothes fall off me.  I look *gross*  (in my opinion), I do have enough snap to realize this prob. and to get off this stuff, but to me its so funnnn.  But I cant go on like this......any advice???

[OKWHYME]

I have a real prob.  I take Lorcet 10/650 and soma's.  The thing is that I take this all at one time:  2 Lorcet and  3 Soma's, taken about 4-5 times daily.  At the end of the month I will take myself off of them cold turkey.  The reason at the end of the month is because I have a 5yr old and really cant function without them.  I go through withdrawls.  I have lost so much weight, and my head is a whirlwind.  I have a child to take care of and I do not think I am doing a good job, that is why I am quitting like I am.  When I do this, she will be in another state with her Paw Paw, and I will go to my mom's to lock myself up in the bedroom and do it alone.....of course w/help of a few xanex, anyone out there think that is a good Idea???  

I have abused these drugs so bad, hell, I only weigh 95-100lbs.....my clothes fall off me.  I look *gross*  (in my opinion), I do have enough snap to realize this prob. and to get off this stuff, but to me its so funnnn.  But I cant go on like this......any advice???

[Jerri2]

Welcome!This is such a struggle isnt it??But as long as we keep trying we will win!Please let us know how your test goes hopefully most of it will of been gone.I will keep you in my prayers and you keep me in yours.I'm going to be starting wds again on Mon.I know I can do it.Its just not doing it again!It seems like everytime I get clean time I get more pills and even if I dont need them I take them anyway!Its such a mind thing!1Take care my friend...   Jerri

[jesusisking]

Hello all,

I am on day four off vics feeling quite ok not sure which way yet but not crawling out of my skin. I just wanted to thank all of you for being here It's very hard to admit to yourself not to metion others that you are struggling with addiction. I thank God for this site and him working in me to help keep me focused. I was taking 15-20 vics a day for quite some time. I had my second back surgery in oct and had already been taking them since christmas before to help wih the pain. I just hooked on them and then found I needed more and more feel normal. Motnhs of er's, different docs just trying to get a script. I tryed the taper down method but couldn't controll myself and the doc that was trying to help me won't see me anymore cause I tryed to call a different doc to get some. So cold turkey for me. I'm still alive and God is streghning me. I thank you all so much this site and your stories have been a great help to me Please keep me in your prayers I could possiable lose my job because I confided in someone there, someone overheard and they tested me> I had about 36 hours without taking any so I'm praying that the levels don't exceed what they consider too much. Sorry if I have butted into this thread but I'm new so please forgive me. Thanks for listening to me ramble!


Stay strong ask God for help he is listening!!!

[gettingthere]

Hey Real Life. I would appreciate it if you could e-mail me. I was light into the pills, but still into them. On appx. 3 10/325's/day only for 1 month. I know this sounds ridiculous on this page in regards to some of the other stories I've read...Nonetheless, I am feeling almost all of the WD symptoms I've been reading about (Flu like, fever, chills, diarrhea, crying).. I've been clean since 03/10/03, almost three full days. Any idea on , remedies for these symptoms & when I might expect the physical aspect to leave? I am so not interested in taking these pills anymore. I have a wonderful woman in my life, and a wonderful family, and the drugs have done nothing to me but make things worse... I am almost not able to hold back my tears in front of my girlfriend - It is like nothing I've ever dealt with before.

If anyone can get in touch with me and give me some pointers on the WD process for someone like myself, I'd really appreciate it.

Please email : ***@****

thanks everyone .....

[real life]

Hey, I quit cold turkey 3/6/03 and have used alot of your tips and encouragement so far so good. Immodium was a god send and I have been taking about 4 .5 valuims per day , I,m cutting back on those as soon as possible, but I have quit those before and feel confident I can do it again. For those interested the 1st 4 days were definetly flu symtoms, so I told everyone (almost) that I had a virus with fever and diarrhea that was not a lie, I felt crappy took benadryl anything to make me sleep and after 4 days the flu symtoms have decreased, I still feel tired easier and try to pace myself, but I feel the old me emerging and that feels good. I still have cravings and think about them ( I've kept 2 hydros ) the whole time and will not allow myself to take them. This mind game seems to work for me so maybe I wasn't as hooked as I thought, My husband is another story he took 3 times or more than me and he cut his dosage in half and felt like **** yesterday... I hope I have the patience needed for him when his quit date hits, plus he's always doled them out so he has all the connections to disconnect which includes fellow employees, I never go back and read before I submit so forgive mistakes. If you have any advice on what I need to do for him Please let me know, I'm afraid I will not recognize him once he's off...I've never known him any other way..............cking in ......reallife

[AlexisInTx]

Hi, Erika.  Thanks so much for the response, I really appreciate it.

The tapering I've been going through lately leaves me 'foggy' and it's hard to get my thoughts down on paper (or computer), so I haven't been online very often.  I've taken 1-2 sublingual buprenorphine during the day, and have limited my hydro to only 'at night' usage (3 pills, and that's 2 pills too many but it seems as if I always use the excuse that I need a 'break' - I'm going to just have to grit my teeth and get through it).  And I'm also slowly tapering off of a small dose of benzo's (1-2 mg. Valium 2x daily with bromezapam at night to get to sleep), so I've been fairly depressed lately - I know it's symptomatic of coming off of these pills, but it seems so real that it makes you feel like life will always be this way, although I know realistically that it won't, and have to keep reminding myself of this fact.  

We've also had some family problems - my Mother is and has been in re-hab trying to recuperate from a stroke from 2 months ago, that left her left side paralyzed.  My parents insurance doesn't cover more than one more week in this hospital, so my Dad is now left with trying to find adequate rehab therapy and a place for her to receive it - we (my sisters, brother and I - but my sisters live in another state) are all trying to help, but it's so sad seeing your family go through something like this.  

I hope you're doing allright - although I don't know your story, there's that common theme and I certainly keep everyone here in my thoughts.

Take good care of yourself.

Alexis

[Erika_Ann]

Wow. I was extremly impressed with your comment. You opened some old wounds for me too. I really learned alot from your post and just wanted to say thank you for sharing your thoughts. I havnt been on for awhile and really needed to read your post. I hope your doing okay!
Take care Alexis...... Erika

[lovepills]

I also past to you at the end of the thread "Tapering off of Paxil." Hummm? I don't know what is up with the Celexa board not being there. I'll work on it and let you know something. I think I asked you a few things on the other post. See and let me know something.

[mainewoods]

Still feeling okay, took only 2 Vics today, mostly to ensure the taper continues and to not feel bad.  I appreciate everyone listenting and all the advice.  Just knowing I cal come to this site and write gives me a distraction.  I hope to wake up form my slumber and be day number one of CLEAN!

[Sturgil]

Real Life - Currently I am 92 Days clean. As time goes on the urge to use gets less and less. I have not had a hard craving in weeks. Today I do think of the pills but I play the movie through. In other words I think past the first pill, first bottle and look at the end... having to go through the WD's again. I have had enough pain! I told my doctor, the pharm., work, Pastor, and cut up my Credit Cards, canceled all my on line prescription services. I even fired some friends.

I have to watch out for people places and things, I also have to remember I can not control people places or things. Addicts tend to be control freaks. Hope this helps.


Sturgil

[Thomas03]

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[AlexisInTx]

Peaz, that helped me a lot to hear - we were basically in the same boat (where I'm still floating), but at least you came out on the other side and have struck that balance between super busy, cannot handle another day stress and not having too much time on your hands, good type of stress.  What a cool career you have!  That must be such a blast.  

I've been looking for NA meetings in my area (looked up the main page and found one just down the street at a Church).  I know that I think too much too, and don't ever tend to subscribe to other group(s) theories completely, but I know NA is going to give me a good base to follow, and I know that my own path right now is not working for me (quoting Dr. Phil), so I need to find a support group in r/l.

It does sound like we're a lot alike, I'm certainly glad to hear that your life is 100% better now.  Ironically, I quit smoking and drinking several years ago, started a fitness program, healthy eating, etc., then got into a car accident that got me the pills that I ultimately became addicted to and started a cycle worse than before.  Drinking I could take or leave, and nothing really had a hold over me before these damn pills (I'm also taking Valium at a small dose right now, but still I know the w/d's from these are bad - I'm slowly tapering off of them as well).

I still have the hydro (1/2 bottle left), but I've started tapering with the buprenorphine today because there is just no feeling except a bad one that I get from hydro anymore.  I don't know if that's mental or physical, but I guess I should count my blessings there.

I appreciate your advice and the relation of your own experiences, it helps more than ya know.

[lovepills]

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[hyjack]

Mainewoods:  I will gladly give you the name of the doc that I see.  Just email me, and I will forward it.



I had a thought that I would like to share and possibly may help someone.

I have quit smoking before with hypnotherapy (hypnosis) and started back up again after years.  Now that I am ready to quit again, I made my appointment with the hypnotherapist, I thought, why couldn't hypnosis work for addiction to opiates?  A lot of people think addiction is somewhat psychological, so why wouldn't this help?  It sounds farfetched, but it is similar to the Ibogaine treatment, only without any meds.  If it takes away the psychological effects of addiction, maybe it could make quitting that much easier?  It's just a thought...definitely couldn't hurt!

[peaz]

I forgot to answer what is probably the question you most wanted answered: "Does it get easier?"  HELL YES. After a period of time (relatively speaking) you will find yourself thinking of drugs less and less.  Indeed, you will gradually ask yourself," When's the last time I even THOUGHT about a pill???" You have figured out, by now, having been sober for those 4 months, that long after the physical cravings are diminished, the mental ones arrive w/ a vengeance.  I gave up (or was it vice/versa?) all my old friends that were "temptation", and that helped quite a lot.  Now, however, I am SO self-reliant and self-sufficient that I have to wonder if that is good, either. With time, I want to strike more of a balance. I find re-entering the social scene is the one challenging aspect for me  at this point.  But, we digress.......LOL
    Have you tried AA/ NA or any form of counseling or therapy?  Are you on an antidepressant? I am taking Wellbutrin SR 150 and  I think it helps with overall well-being. (Not as much as a  vicodin cocktail, but......) I attend a large group of Health Professionals every-other week, and I think discussing triggers,  and various  recovery experiences is REALLY helpful. I have mandatory A A mtgs. and  my only comment is that I think the 12-Step programs are effective for many; have saved many lives.  And the steps are basically just a good, moral outline for ANYONE. But there are too many underlying premises that I have a problem with to allow me to fully embrace it.  My sponsor says I  "Think too much."   Whatever. My much belabored point here is that I think some form of counseling will give you some tools that are very practical when mental cravings come a knockin'.   And I'm not entirely sure they ever go away.
    There. I feel better now. LOL  Carry on.........peaz

[real life]

Thanks again for responding. Suprizingly my husband heard about the drug Clonadene and mentioned it last night, only problem I'm not under a Doctor's care. And have not gotton my pills from a Doc enough said. I would be willing to find a Dr and come clean if things get bad enough but I am afraid of what questions I may have to answer. I am going to ask the very small group in my area that take if they know a compassionate Doc that want be to nosy. I wish I could do it with as few people knowing about my problem. I live in a very small town where everyone eventually finds out your business, but I do have a few people who I can confide in because they are in the same boat.

I will add that my husband is my best ally and his habit is much worse than mine and prays with me about it and I stay home and take care of our dogs. He has vacation time coming in April and that will be his quit date. I want to be well enough and wise enough to help him we both do/don't want to quit. We just know we are spending way to much money and have fallen out of love with the cage they have put us into. He has promised to see me through and not give in if Even if I beg...thanks again ..How long have you been clean, what goes through your mind when you crave and how do you handle it?

real life

[peaz]

Hi--I read your post and it sounds like you're coming along reasonably well.  Your attitude is what will sustain you.  This is something you want and you seem to be doing what you need to do to get it.  
Keeping busy IS important! You're correct, there. I could really relate to what you  wrote about being overly-busy and stressed while you were traveling a lot, and now, wondering if that wasn't good for you after-all. I worked in an extremely busy pharmacy, had long 10-hour days, and the stress certainly attributed to my undoing.  Now that my stress levels have been reduced at least 50%, I look upon it as the main thing that will ensure long-term sobriety.  Especially now that, without the pills, we are "feeling and dealing", and it seems hard to cope with much of anythng contrary for the first year or so. At least that's how it's been for me. I've been clean a year and three months. (but who's counting???LOL) So, I guess what I'm saying is, the key would be to keep busy but not necessarily" super-challenged" all the time...
   I did what you did, too, (are we alike, do you think?? :-) as far as the exercise regime.  I began doing aerobics and weight work almost from day one.  Granted, during withdrawl, some days my biggest effort consisted of placing the weights on my leg and staring at them....LOL  Eventually I got in the swing of things, mostly for the endorphin benefit, and this, too, has been a large part of my success. I do an hour a day, usually 5 days a week.  In the process I lost a ton of weight, got in great shape, and look better now, at 51, than I did when I was 40. And I just quit smoking two months ago, so I am on my way, BABEEE!!! (watch--I'll get hit by a car on my way to work today.)
   Presently, I am a DJ at an oldies station, working 4 hours a day, staying after sometimes to record spots or news, weather, etc.  But, the work-load is PERFECT.  I highly recommend part time for a long time.  Again, this is just what worked for me.   That way, you have time to come here and post!!  :-)  (I DO think this forum was a factor in my recovery, too. I've met such great people who will remain my friends FOREVER).  But in my job now, there are just a few times a week where I get discombobulated when the phones are ringing during a blizzard w/ school cancellations, two of my 4 CD players are skipping, someone is standing there in the control room, wanting the frickin' prize they'd won, and I haven't gone to the bathroom for 3 1/2 hours. THAT is stress I can deal with.  (Shoot the prize-winner....HAH!  There's a prize for ya!!)
   You are on the right path, my dear.  Hang in there.  I read where you have some temporary Bup, which I can't comment on, as I went CT. (hydrocodone 8-10 /day and ultram PRN...tee hee)   Sorry this post was so long, but I think it might help you  immensely to know that your formula has worked for those  who've gone before you.  Keep on keepin' on.  Love--Peaz

[AlexisInTx]

Hi, Jerri.  Thanks for the welcome and support. :)

Mainewoods, it's a hard road but I've heard many times that during this journey (withdrawal, recovery, etc.) that looking at it in terms of taking a right turn.  Once you take that right turn down the road that you're currently on, it's hard to look back at where you've been, just be intent on where you're going.  I know that from past experiences and past withdrawals I cannot look back and remember the failure, I just want to progress, not regress.  

I have a small supply of buprenorphine, and consider it to be a miracle for myself.  But I need to remember that it's also a member of the opiate family, and I suffer withdrawals from it as well.  Especially since I'm NOT monitored under a doctor's care with this med.  It's the only med I can function on perfectly with no high, no up's, no down's, just normal every day living that gets me through the day.  But the ultimate goal is to be clean, and I don't want to delay or procrastinate any longer.

I know where you are, and I'm keeping you (and everyone here in the same boat) in my thoughts.  Feeling decreasingly helpless or hopeless is not a good place to be in.  

I will say that exercising will increase those endorphins, and I feel so good when I'm doing this.  Although I've cut down from exercising 6 days per week to 3-4, I notice a huge difference when I do some form of aerobic or weight training.  It's one of the best anti-depressants I've found, but finding the energy sometimes can be hard.  And some have conditions that make it almost impossible, but I find a hard session of step or an hour of weights so invigorating, and it really gets your mind in a different sphere.

Quitting everything last summer for about 4 months was great - I was getting back to where I once was, then I started 'thinking' too much.  I found out that I need to keep myself occupied at all times with something constructive.  I have kids at home and used to be a full time analyst and traveled, but the stress was too much for me, although in retrospect it might have been good for me to have not enough time on my hands.

I'm already writing down my plan in Word with what I'm going to do - prioritize my time with family first, volunteering, working, vacations here and there, I just don't want to be idle.  I know that's dangerous territory for me.  

For those who have been clean for a long time (over 6 months), does it get easier as the months pass?  At 4 months clean, I thought I would be free, and I was physically, but those corruptive thoughts can do you in.  I know it's a choice, but it's also a lure.

Mainewoods, I'll be thinking of you and reading to see how you're coming along.  I just keep thinking about how colorful everything looked before I started taking these pills and what a high life was without them - and my family needs for me to be what I was before.  I'm a different person now too and want to get back to the land of the living.

Take care.

[mainewoods]

hyjack,
  I am from maine but currently live elsewhere in the army.  Still would like the name of your doctor maybe for over the phone help?  I am day 2 of taper, took only 3 today and don't feel bad yet, I await all the bad feelings I have read about.  Reading all the letters fills me with hope and support.  Anyone know anything about Ibogaine?

[Sturgil]

I did go cold turkey. I tried tappering but I never wanted to quit. It seemed I never had what it took to take less and less. The doctor gave me clonadene (sp) for the dt's. It is a blood pressure medicine that really works great. The only thing is you must be monitored if you take it.

If you do go cold turkey I suggest you plan ahead and take several days off of work. I took a week off. Even then it was hard to return to work. Looking back it was the litte or no sleep that got to me. So I told my docto and he suggested melatonin and or benadryl. It worked! I think I got 4 to 5 hours per night...not much but it allowed me to at least function the next day.

Bottom line after the DT's. When you feel like dying...keep going. When you feel like giving up on staying clean...keep going. Because in the end you will be glad you went the distance and did not give up. Try to go to meetings, do some service work (at church / school / AA or NA.) Remember we only keep what we have by giving it away to others.

Everyone here knows wat you are going through and can offer experience, strength and hope.

  \\ Sturgil  \\

[real life]

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[Sturgil]

You are in the right place. As my earlier post stated I wa on 18 of the Lortab 10/500 per day with 12 of the 350mg Somas. I did this for years. Currently I am 90 days clean and Sober.

Here is how my detox unfolded: The first day I had fever, leg cramps, I spent tons of time in the bathroom (you know), depression, crying, muscle shakes, could not eat and worst of all no sleep. I did not sleep normal for quite some time. I tell you this so you can have some hope. It can be done but it is hard. If you have had enough pain then you are ready. Remember do not feel bad if you relapse even after we are clean for a while drugs are always a CHOICE. Just remember to pick yourself up and get back on track.

Take lots of hot baths, ben gay helps the cramps and get the vitamin L-Tyrosine and soe B6. Avoid any mind altering drugs, they tend to trigger Mr. Jones. Pray and pray often, ask God to help.

Now - What to do after you get over the DT's. Find a support group like AA or NA. Find one that has a ton of old timers. At these groups you will find another Grandmother you can talk to about things. The hardest part of NO DRUGS is learning to relive your life agai. Learning to feel and share and most of all learning to think postive.

Remember to take one day at a time. I undersatnd the pain you are feeling. It will pass. Remember we did not get hooked in a day so take it easy.

Sturgil