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holly emotions

I'm new here, well been creeping for some time now. But my story I've been on any kind of pain pills that I can get my hands on no more scripts..... well it started out in 2009 when I threw my back out got hydro 5s and found out I really hurt L4 and L5 and went threw every treatment and pills and so on then got pregnant and pain got worse bed rest and pills but have a wonderful 3 yr old now more recently I lost my mom to drinking and I lost my job and my life gas just been going down hill I dont take pills unless people I know get them and give me some or a few extra bucks to buy some the past 2 weeks I have taken morphine 30s oxys 5 and hydro 5and 10s everyday roughly 4 a day so I know my detox wont be bad now that I'm out and no money but my emotions are unbelievable eventhough I took 15mgs this morning. I'm either very pissed off or crying and I know this is normal I've gone through this so many times before and even though I'm trying to change my life.... I really need break. I feel like I'm going nuts I can't take it anymore..... someone save me
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5904477 tn?1390245415
The emotions are crazy!  Someone on here once said it was like emotional diarrhea and I thought that was the best description I have heard!  Don't fight the emotions...let them out!  These are feelings that we are supposed to have instead of hiding behind our pills!  I am 106 days clean today and I am finally getting some control over my emotions. I knew the pills helped me stay calm but didn't realize they were masking my good emotions too!  It is so awesome to sit with my kids and actually belly laugh again!  
No one on here can save you but you. We can all help you but you have to do the hard work!  
You have the strength to do this!  Anytime you feel like giving up then just look in your daughters eyes. She deserves to have you 100% there for her. She is young enough to not remember any of this. My biggest regret is my kids seeing me take pills, seeing me high, and seeing me sick when I didn't have any pills to take. Now my kids are my biggest supporters!
Vent all you want to all of us!  Post your symptoms and everyone here will tell you what worked for them. This is your place with no judgments!  The first step is the want to be clean!  Now you just have to stop taking the pills and get to living your clean life with your daughter!  
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Avatar universal
Yes, you ARE strong enough!! Just one day at a time honey.. Today is all you have to worry about.. Tomorrow will come soon enough.

Take each symptom as it comes!

The fear of wd's is often worse than the actual experience!!

Treat it like the flu & know that it will be over soon!!
It's a viscous cycle and it's time to get off the merry go round and learn how to live and deal with life without taking a pill!
As bubbleguppie said.. Post as often as you want. We will be hete for you. You can also PM me anytime you need to talk..
Hang in there! You can do this... One good choice at a time!
Helpful - 0
6109773 tn?1381071043
Hey girl! Welcome to our MH family!! Congrats on taking your life back. We will be here every step of the way with you. Keep us close and post as much as possible. What day are you on? U said that you're going cold turkey, right? Good for you! I'm also a mommy, my son is 23 months. I too, abused pain pills. I went cold turkey and now I'm 4 months clean. It's amazing! Anyways, if you need anyone to vent to, or need a friend, u can always PM me. Good luck and God bless you and ur daughter. Xoxo
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Avatar universal
Thank u everyone I do have a 3yr old lil girl and everything I do I do it for her my grandma died when I was a year and a half and now my mom died when she was a yr and a half both from drinking and all I want it to be better then that give her the life I never had and I have cut all my sources so far I still haveand has for my friends well when I lost my job I lost them it seems and has for saving me I know I need to do I just dont know if I have the strength but thank God everyday for this site and my daughter thank u again!
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Avatar universal
You can go to meetings for free. No insurance needed:) try that!
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Avatar universal
Hello and welcome!! We can be here but we can't save you! That part you have to do yourself!! You don't need a break.. You need to take a permanent vacation from the devil pills once and for all!! You mentioned you have a son?? Do it for YOU and for HIM! He's going to need his mommy around for a long time!

Nothing good comes from our addiction!
Cut those sources and seal every crack! If your left with no "friends" then so be it! You owe this to yourself and your son!

Your not in this alone! We are here to walk with you every step of the way but you have to do the work tho.. We can only love, support, and encourage you through it!
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Avatar universal
No Dr no insurance now and all my friends dont know and yes cold Turkey only way I always go I have no self control when it comes to pain pills
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry really need to vent have no one to talk to a 3yr doesn't understand and bf is hopeless thanks for listening
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Avatar universal
Welcome!!!!! Are you going cold turkey? The mental part is by far the worst. You'll be ok though. Do you have supports in place? Anyone you can turn to?
You can do this-but not alone! Some people need meds for the depression or anxiety we mask with numbing meds. You should talk to your fam dr about the emotions. I'm sure they can help you!
Helpful - 0
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