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husband is an addict

my husband i just found out about two weeks ago that my husband is using crack cocaine. i dont know what to do my heart is breaking. i think what made me come to the realization that he is using drugs is when he stole from me. i guess when you love someone you dont see what is right in front of you.and i want to know how can i try to talk him into going to a program? we have been married for two years and have four beautiful children. im afraid for his life and this whole situation is making me crazy. what can i do?
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82861 tn?1333453911
Have you had a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband about his drug abuse yet?  That's the first step.  Be prepared to hear either (1) I don't have a problem and you're just being a nag, or (2) a whole pack of lies about how he can quit any time he wants without help.

Plenty of people do quit on their own.  The problem is that they don't usually stay quit without working a program like AA/NA or private therapy.  The good folks here with long-term sobriety under their belts will tell you the same thing.  Their success came from doing the hard work on themselves with one-on-one help.  

You also need to know what you're up against.  There's a reason addiction destroys relationships.  It's not that your husband doesn't still love you; he just loves the drug more - even though it's destroying his life and yours too.  Give Alanon a try.  You'll meet a surprising number of people who are in your exact shoes.  People like me.  

One of the most difficult lessons for spouses of addicts to learn is that we have no more control over their addiction than they do.  All you can do is protect your health and your wealth the best way that you can.  If that means making an ultimatum like "you're leaving this house, either to rehab or elsewhere" then you have to be prepared to mean it and follow through with exactly what you say.  Threats are meaningless to an active addict.

Private counseling would be a good idea for you as well.  If you can find an addictionologist, so much the better.  You really need someone who understands addiction.  The relationship issues associated with addiction aren't the usual marriage difficulties that typical counselors deal with.  This problem isn't going to go away any time soon and you're going to need some support for yourself whether your husband goes to rehab or not.  

I still don't get how it is I'm supposed to "support" my addict/ alcoholic husband.  He's off the opiates finally, but still struggles with alcohol - particularly in social situations.  He makes the rules, asks me to "remind" him when he reaches for the bottle, and when I do he gets angry and defensive.  Apparently I'm supposed to give him a gold star when he doesn't drink and ignore it when he does.  Like last month when he came home shortly before dawn with the truck sporting a nice big dent on the driver's side.  So yeah, I'm having trouble with the whole "support" business myself.  

I wish you the best of luck.  You're going to have to be very strong in the weeks and months ahead.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Run fast and quickly. or get him into rehab. if u stay u will lose it all...plz i know how it works he will pawn, sell and give away whatever he can to get high. Crack is not addictive physically but mentally grabs u. i was stuck on crack as i was finishig my doctorate i went from hiding to an open user in front of my husband who was leaving... i stopped because like a child i had a consequense. does he have something he will lose?
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Avatar universal
I would recommend alanone.....It is a free group of people that help non-addicts to deal with addicted loved ones.....He is going to need your support right now but you cannot be an enabler....This is obviously a serious situation that will take serious answers so please seak out a group meeting now and good luck and God bless!
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