hydrocodone

[Coze11]

i just discovered this forum.  I am a functioning adult, professional job, parent, spouse, and on the outside I look great and like my life is great.  What NO one knows is that I am addicted to Hyrocodone. No one would iimagine the things Ive done to get opiates. Im incapable of limiting my use, and when I have it I use a lot of it every day.  And I have been able to have it daily for years, and my morals and values have gone out the window.  The crazy thing about addiction...I use it even though at the end of the day it makes me feel BAD, no high, just bad.  And, no one knows about it.  I have not told anyone.  I dont go to recovery meetings because Im in the helping profession, even tho thats a lame excuse.  I feel a lot of shame about it.  I am coming to the end of the meds I have and cannot get more for awhile, and will withdraw.  So, Im starting to taper myself.  I know I can be so much more than this....I also know addiction is an illness.  Yes I have back pain, but not as significant to require this med., altho Im good at telling docs its very painful.  Its not.  So you all are the first that I have told, ever, and its been years.  If i can stick to a taper regime, then I will feel like I actually can get off this stuff.  But I am, or my addiction is, not trustworthy, and in one second I can decide its a good idea to take more.  It scares me that people who taper still have bad withdrawal when they stop.  Thanks for reading, and any support is greatly appreciated.  I have a desire to stop...dont want my life controlled this way, but I want to show myself I can stop without treatment.  And, patheticly enough, I havent told my therapist either.  I have this whole other secretive side to me and i know if Im not real, my quality of life will suck....and on the inside, it does suck.  thanks.

[toothfairie]

if you are still tapering....just stick to it and jump when you get to a low dose.....it can be done....sounds like you are doing a good job!  just post when you need support!  we all want you to succeed!  good luck and keep us posted!  

[Coze11]

Finishing day 6 of tapering.  Felt a bit squirrely today but somehow stuck to it, which is a miracle, as it was not a great day at work.  When the end of the day comes and I can say I stuck to it, I feel good about it.  Feels like a huge accomplishment that only other addicts would understand.  From every post I read I take away something that helps (right down to why my nails are crappy)   Thanks everyone for helping me through what I hope is the hardest part.  

[blotout]

whatever you do dont get on methadone its like trading a small pill habit for legalized heroine, i myself never could stick to tapering and eventually got so tired of struggling to find pills i went to the clinic, dont get me wrong they can help u, but methadone is HARD to get off of!! GOOD LUCK!!

[Gortnicktoo]

Hello, I have been lurking on this site for months. Reading and learning. I'm an alcoholic and I quit the booze 18 months ago. It wasn't long when I started getting down and out emotionally and started looking for a replacement that I could live with and handle. I found out fairly soon that Vicodin was not the answer as the same story goes for me as it does others here. I take 3 for a while then need 4 and so on. I've now started the taper process and am doing ok with it. Without this site I would still be increasing my intake slowly and would either end up dead of institutionalized. Thank each and everyone of you for the help, support and information that has helped me so much.

[toothfairie]

Hi and welcome!!  your story is very similar to mine....i too had a secret side and was taking hydros for many years.....this site is an awesome place for info and support!  do you plan on stopping altogether or just wanting to get thru wds until your refill can be picked up?   just trying to get a little info about you so we can help.....CT can be done....i did it as many others here has as well....we can help you get thru WDs.....the Thomas recipe at bottom of page is great.....i was taking 14-16 a day and went CT after one day of taper....i didn't have the strength to do a taper and knew i would take more than i should....so i flushed the pills and just jumped into detox.....it was a tough week....kind of like having a bad flu....just keep posting and asking questions and we can help get you thru it....it is SO worth getting your life back!