Aa
i know ur all probably done with me but....
Haven't posted in awhile due to my shame. On my last post was a comment about how I'm using this site as a crutch and that is so true and I'm sorry. I wanted my next post to say how good I was doing, unfortunately that's not the case.
In the last 5 months I have tapered down a huge amount 3 different times, but each time it get messed up because I start smokin again. The stupid thing is, I think sometimes it actually makes me feel worse. Yet I still continue to do it. Its the actuall physical act of smoking that I think is so addictive to me
Anyone who has been caught in the merry go round trap of smoking opiates, PLEASE tell me how u stopped. I am desperate. At the end of my rope. Hate myself. Hate my life. Hate what ive become. Hate waking up in the morning.
In the last 5 months I have tapered down a huge amount 3 different times, but each time it get messed up because I start smokin again. The stupid thing is, I think sometimes it actually makes me feel worse. Yet I still continue to do it. Its the actuall physical act of smoking that I think is so addictive to me
Anyone who has been caught in the merry go round trap of smoking opiates, PLEASE tell me how u stopped. I am desperate. At the end of my rope. Hate myself. Hate my life. Hate what ive become. Hate waking up in the morning.
First day I haven't started my day of with my foil. Seriously, the wd's I'm used to don't hold a candle to this. I cant imagine ANYTHING worse. Ive taken oxy just nit smoked it. It took by noon, 55 mg oxy, a lyrica, bunch of vitamins some smoke and still I thought I was gonna tear my own arms off from the skin crawling.
Beyond I agree with LeAnn again on this one. U sound like u have a good plan STICK TO IT and dont look back! U can save Ur life and I'm scared for u just like everyone else here!!!!! U CAN DO THIS! I KNO U CAN IF U OUT UR MIND TO IT! :)
You know, the post about not smoking anymore and starting them orally so that you can be able to taper, because you can't taper smoking??? That actually sounded well thought out and lucid. It is one of the first posts I have seen you make where I understood and seemed to follow and where I see you explaining your point clearly where at least I feel like maybe we can help you from there. IF you stay on them taken orally, you have no reason that you cannot taper, right? You sister is holding them, and she has proven that she wont' cave to you wanting more, right? (making sure I am following?) So, if those things are correct, and you won't be too sick to work, then you are possibly on your way. YAAAY! Ok, now......you don't go back to smoking and your sister gives you the taper amount and you do that and follow it to the letter and to the hour, what is your plan after that? You may have said and I missed it. The earlier posts that I read seemed like you didn't have a very well-laid plan yet. I think that in your situation, if you don't agree that inpatient is best, you need to start NA RIGHT NOW! Today. This afternoon. NOW! Stay on your taper, and keep moving forward.....never going backward even for a day.
What you said about telling your parents is a great idea. You said yourself something about knowing that they wouldn't judge you. (I don't remember exact words) What are you waiting on then? Go to your mom, and get some mom-support. I know that you don't want to hurt them, but if it will help save your life, then I think that they would want to know and help you. You don't need to worry about being the cheer party for everyone else right now. No one needs to cry on your shoulder today. Go cry on someone else's shoulder. You NEED to get clean to save your life. What you're doing is existing. You are just breathing. You're not living. You're sick all the time. Within "2 hours" of when you last use. Honestly, I still think that inpatient would be best. Second to that would be NA right NOWWWW and telling your parents TODAY!
This is still salvageable right now. Tomorrow, it may not be. You have a tight rope to walk to get better, and if you vary from that, you may not live to post again. I think your situation is THAT serious. I can say that because I have been in that place. I'm not judging you but trying to wake you up. I don't want to come on here tomorrow and see that you didn't make it through the night. That has happened since I have been a member here. Someone we tried to help. It SCARED ME. Please do something. Staying on your oral taper plan, going to NA and talking to your mom are not unreasonable things to ask you to do to help yourself. OK?
What you said about telling your parents is a great idea. You said yourself something about knowing that they wouldn't judge you. (I don't remember exact words) What are you waiting on then? Go to your mom, and get some mom-support. I know that you don't want to hurt them, but if it will help save your life, then I think that they would want to know and help you. You don't need to worry about being the cheer party for everyone else right now. No one needs to cry on your shoulder today. Go cry on someone else's shoulder. You NEED to get clean to save your life. What you're doing is existing. You are just breathing. You're not living. You're sick all the time. Within "2 hours" of when you last use. Honestly, I still think that inpatient would be best. Second to that would be NA right NOWWWW and telling your parents TODAY!
This is still salvageable right now. Tomorrow, it may not be. You have a tight rope to walk to get better, and if you vary from that, you may not live to post again. I think your situation is THAT serious. I can say that because I have been in that place. I'm not judging you but trying to wake you up. I don't want to come on here tomorrow and see that you didn't make it through the night. That has happened since I have been a member here. Someone we tried to help. It SCARED ME. Please do something. Staying on your oral taper plan, going to NA and talking to your mom are not unreasonable things to ask you to do to help yourself. OK?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Being strong doesnt mean just being there for other people, being strong means taking care of you, reaching out for help and getting yourself better, that is strength~
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